If I had a computer at my disposal,

I would have made each and everyone of you a little CD of songs that are good (you'd probably agree at least on a few of them...) but unfortunately, the computer I can use most of the time is a PC, and won't allow me to get songs from my iPod to the computer. So, until I buy a new little computer (post Africa, anyone for a Christmas in July mix?) I'll post the songs and artists I WOULD have made a mix out of right here.

1. It's oh so Quiet - Bjork
2. On the Rebound - Floyd Cramer
3. Comin' Home Baby - Mel Torme
4. Forever - The Explorers Club
5. Up North - Pale Young Gentlemen
6. Reunion - Stars
7. Love Me Tenderly - The Felice Brothers
8. Lose Your Soul - Dead Man's Bones
9. Yours To Keep - Teddybears Sthlm
10. Bulletproof - La Roux
11. See Fernando - Jenny Lewis
12. White Light/White Heat - Velvet Underground
13. I Will Dare - The Replacements
14. With A Girl Like You - The Troggs
15. Feeling the Pull - The Swell Season
16. Salt and the Sea - Gregory Alan Isakov
17. Darling Be Home Soon - The Lovin' Spoonful
18. Please Stay - Duffy
19. Edge of Desire - John Mayer*
20. I Wonder - The Willowz
21. Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Bob Dylan

*Yes, I would have felt like a tool for putting John Mayer on a mix, but it's a pretty good song.

nymag.com

nymag is one of my favorite sites. so snarky and fun, all of the time. after reading this, I said, "that's horrible," and proceeded to giggle for a long while.

ROOTS.

"A lady who colors her hair knows when her roots are showing and makes an appointment with her stylist."

I love having my hair done, all the foils, the trashy magazines, the gossip at Vanity Junkie and leaving with Brigitte Bardot hair is always a welcome experience. If I didn't limit myself by way of a hair budget, I'd spend a lot of time and money. Sometimes, however, I'm not a very good planner. Three weeks before I went to Spain I tried to get an appointment with my usual (AND FABULOUS) stylist, but she was completely booked. A friend of mine suggested a salon, so I went. I left with fine hair. When I got back from Spain, I had a coupon from the new salon... and so the coupon dictated. I left with HIDEOUS, HIDEOUS color. It looked like four week grow out straight out of the salon, so I called my usual stylist to see if she had any time for an emergency appointment. She was booked solid for the next three weeks. (Did I mention she's very good?) So, I went to Yelp to try to find someone. I went in for my appointment with this new person and she made me WAY too blonde to cover up the hideous disaster of the previous week. As I left that appointment I realized I had just spent all of the rest of the money I would allow myself for the rest of the year. I immediately called my usual stylist and set an appointment for January 5 (why yes this was three months ago). For about three weeks my hair has been past the point of decent root length, so taking a page out of the Carrie Bradshaw handbook, I've been wearing my hair curly, or wearing hats. I am very excited about my appointment on the 5th.

Why did I tell you all this junk that you don't care about? Because you needed the back story before you heard the anecdote.

On Christmas Eve, much against my own good judgment, I went to my grandparents' house for the annual gathering. The first words out of a certain Christmas letter writer's mouth were not, "Merry Christmas." (as mine were to her) or even, "Hello." instead it was, "What is going on with your hair?" said with a tone to imply that I had ketchup smeared all over my head, or was wearing a pink flamingo lawn ornament as a headpiece. "Um, what?" was the answer I mustered, and she then said, "Are you letting your hair grow out, or what?" "I'm trying to save some money. I have an appointment next week." Later when she opened the printer my brother and I gave her, she thanked my brother about ten times, then my dear uncle said, "and Molly..." and she said nothing.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have grandparents that actually liked me, or were at least kind, but then who would I make fun of on my blog? Oh, that's right...countless strangers.

I would like to thank all of you for judging me and my tacky roots in silence. I appreciate it!

Christmas Craftiness.

Since most of my craft projects have found their way to their new respective homes, I'll share some really poor pictures. (After Jen and Adrianna get theirs, I'll post pictures of a few more.)

For little brother, I painted Elvis, James Dean, and Paul Newman on to little onesies.

Partner them with the jeans and little converse I got him, and if he's not cool it won't be my fault.

For cousin, and step siblings, I painted some more little things on t-shirts:


For brother, I painted DEVO onto a yellow shirt.


For cousin and his lady, I did a little Elsie-inspired diptych:

For aunt to protect her manicure, I made these ridiculous things:



For cousin, who is obsessed with zippers and zebras, I made a handbag. It's kind of cute.

I lined it in zebra fabric (and actually wrapped it in the remnant so that if she wants, we can make something else out of the fabric.) and was able to use one of my typewriters to make a little tag out of yellow taffeta.


More to come!!!

Crafty like Satan...

I am tired and feeling very masochistic. My sewing machine's needle is super sticky and covered in black feathers. I have a feeling that I am no where near sleep tonight. If I weren't having so much fun, I'd think this crafting for Christmas thing was the DUMBEST idea ever. I can't wait to be done and give all of these things away. And I can't wait to share some pictures here...

Have fun, kiddos. I'm off to finish a couple of paintings.

Oops.

I'm working on a Christmas present for baby brother Isaac, and oops, if I didn't turn Paul Newman into Peggy Olson.



Back to photoshop, to try again. hehe.

P.S. This "handmade christmas" idea of mine was one of the stupidest ideas I've ever come up with. Here's hoping I finish in time.

Girls With Low Self-Esteem.

I haven't been to a pub quiz since Becky****, Shara and I DOMINATED at the Office Trivia night. That night we won a gift certificate to the place where the pub quiz was held, and have been trying to get back to spend it for some time, but various things have hindered that plan of action. Last night, the hindrance was the fact that the pub quiz was canceled at that bar. The night we could all get together, of course, it was canceled. So, we ended up going to the old pub quiz location, Thirsty Lion, which is not my favorite quiz set up. It ends up taking a SUPER long time, and is generally really rough because it has themes like pirates, alcohol, presidents, etc, and we are never prepared because we don't know the theme before we go.
Last night's theme was Christmas, a theme all six of us "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" were pretty comfortable with. I don't want to brag, so I'll just say, we did better than we had anticipated, and got third place (out of 25 teams!) and took home a prize of $62, (Shoot. That was bragging wasn't it?) despite the fact that the Christmas carol/drawing-out-of-a-hat-gods were out to spite us!*

*A note to my fellow Girls with Low Self-Esteem, the lyrics that guy had as the first verse of O Christmas Tree belong the fourth verse** according to multiple websites. I'm glad that we chose to use the lyrics anyway. Who knows those lyrics?

**Yes, Annie, Adriana, Shara and I sang this song in front of the whole bar, and it was funny-awkward because the timing gets a little mickey-moused around along the sixth line there...
"O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!
How are thy leaves so verdant***!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
How are thy leaves so verdant!
Not only in the summertime,
But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
How are thy leaves so verdant!

***Really? Verdant over and over again? OK, you kooky Germans.

****Last night Becky said a few very funny things, one of which I responded to with, "If you keep that up, I'll talk about this on my blog." But of course as I'm typing this 24 hours later, my mind is a complete B L A N K as to what she said. Becky, be a lamb and leave a comment about how funny you are. :)

Fashion! Turn to the left. Fashion! Turn to the right. We are the goon squad and we're coming to town. Beep beep! Beep beep!

After getting my Vogue in the mail today, I did my initial read-through, which is a page by page glance through to look at all of the pretty pictures, and will occasionally include reading an article or two, depending on the subject. This month's best dressed list was a culmination of the decade's best, and it included an invitation to voice opinions via votes on our favorite looks.

I have an elaborate filing system in place to house magazine clippings, sketches, what have you, of things that inspire me. A quick glance through that would tell you I have very specific ideas about colors, patterns and lines of clothing. When vogue.com showed me my picks for the best dressed of the decade, I decided that I am INSANELY BORING.

But, I was only torn on a couple of years. I could have easily picked Queen Rania or Jennifer Lopez in 2001, or SJP in 2003, or Alexa Chung for 2009, but that doesn't really open up the pallet. Like at all. I'm over it.

And now, on to Who What Wear. I have to say, I've gotten their emails for about two years, and I like them less and less every day - their style is way too California-trendy-trash for my taste. I don't think I'm their target demographic. I keep subscribing because every now and again they have cute Kayleen McAdams on to teach me how to rock gold eyeliner, or what have you, and sometimes they have cute clothes. Like in their December Editorial that they sent out last week, they featured a Katy Rodriguez dress that I'm pretty much in love with, despite their attempt to flog it to death with over-styling, ahem, heinous puffy coat, I am talking to you.

Dancing.

I am not in my hip hop class right now. Last Monday was the last night, and I'm kind of bummed about it. Let me start off by saying it was a community center class, so there were all sorts of suburban-ites in it. Lots of middle-aged women who made me feel not so bad about my own lack of coordination. The class left me either entirely confused and feeling awkward, (4 body rolls in a row? are you kidding me?) or completely bored - there was no middle ground. But truly, I am not a hip-hopper. One time, our aged 40+ teacher pointed out that Shara, Becky and I were all a little too "Fame" with our moves. Speaking strictly for myself, I am definitely more inclined to jazz hands than any other bodily movement. Actually, when thinking about how I actually dance, it is pretty much perfectly captured in these two clips:





And how awesome is this imageI stole, without permission from Jooj? Maybe someday, I'll dance like them.

A few things before I sleep:

1. I've been looking at tables recently, looking for a little bit o' inspiration. I found this table and kind of fell in awe.

2. I've never been a particular fan of Jennifer Garner, except I think she's a cute girl. I'm kind of loving her in Chanel in the shoot for W. I love how the hair and the skirt are the same shape, and that they used cardboard and pins instead of a fan. Gold star for ingenuity!!!

3. I love Glee. That is all.

4. My dear friend Sara is currently fighting a good fight. I just read the peanut-authored-angry-blog-post and giggled hysterically and shook my head at her ignorance. Just wanted to say that I love you, and am so proud of your enthusiasm and gumption, despite Texans - who are apparently pretty good shots, claiming that Susan B. Anthony was primarily active in the twentieth century - write angry and what we will call not at all accurate blog posts where they quote you and post a picture of you. (Person I've never met, Susan B. retired in 1900. I forgot that 1868 counts as twentieth century.) (There I go, making fun of someone I've never met again...shoot...here come more angry emails.) And Sara, I would love to meet you on the top of the Empire State Building, or anywhere else, for that matter, any time. :) (How about the house with all of the mannequins??) Loves. Loves. Loves.

Probably because I'm a cynical meanie...

I never get too into engagement photos. People being all happy and cute and in love. Nothing like other peoples' happiness to make me really, really bitter. Tee hee hee. But, the adorable Elsie posted this cute, cute engagement photoshoot this morning by Sloan Photographers.

I then spent 30 minutes looking at their site, and was consequently 10 minutes late to church. haha.

These kids are super cute too. I'm kind of in love with this photography team. Go. Look.

Who do you remind me of?

Friday, after Birgitte's super cute neon themed birthday, Analee, Becky, and new friend Jason went karaoke-ing. When we got to the Cheerful Tortoise, I noticed a young man who looked very familiar. He had fair skin, light hair, dark eyes and very red lips. His familiarity was on the tip of my tongue, so to speak, I couldn't quite place him, so I asked my friends if they had any insight. When they answered in the negative, Analee, being the ballsiest of girls, suggested I ask him who people frequently say he looks like. I decided against this idea because although I couldn't quite place the match, I knew it was not a complimentary comparison. A few minutes later, I placed him. Here is a scene, which might not give it away so quickly and make me seem like the cruel, cruel person I would be if I came straight out and said it.*


Hint: It's not Christopher Guest or Cary Elwes.

*I want all of you beautiful people reading this that I am not a total meanie. Sometimes, my mind makes neurological connections that make me seem like a major jerk, but other times they are complimentary, and still other times there are no such connections made. Don't believe me? I don't blame you, but it is true. Nephi reminds me of Jean-Paul Belmondo a la Pierrot le fou and A bout de souffle. Ryan reminds me of a Paul Newman circa Long, Hot Summer and Cool Hand Luke. And a kid in my ward, who shall remain nameless reminds me of Fungus from Monsters, Inc.**

**Two out of three isn't bad, right?

Hide and Seek.

Playing Hide and Seek is one of my favorite activities. I like pretty much all variations on the game. With cars tracking people moving from point a to point b, to running around the backyard hiding behind bushes. This has become a very popular past time of the under 5 set I frequently spend time with.

As it has gotten colder, there is more indoor time. And you would think this would lessen the opportunity for hiding, but really it hasn't. Instead of pretending not to find the kids immediately while they are hiding in the same two spots they always hide in outside, I pretend not to find them immediately in the same three spots they always hide in inside. Today I upped the ante. They are getting smarter everyday, so why not make them work a little harder, right? Before they even knew we were playing, I decided to hide from them. When they called my name a few times, I didn't answer, and the five year old said, "We're lost! Oh, no." To which I said, "BOO!" Panicky, and hysterical screams were the order of the day, followed by fits of laughter. We then took turns hiding.

I hid in some awesome places while two of my young friends ran around trying to find me. I heard their little footsteps going up and down the hall, all over the great room, and family room, pause at the stairs, and from the other side of the house I would say, "I didn't go downstairs." They would scream wildly, run back and forth again, until they found me, in the closet, or behind the open door in the dark guest bath or one of the other places I found to spend five minute segments of my time. When the oldest hopped on the bus for afternoon kindergarten, the adorable little girl and I decided to keep playing. I found her instantly. Without a five year olds' help, this little three year old had some pretty weak hiding spots. When it was my turn to hide, I hid in more predictable spots (i.e. the top bunk) and she found me soon enough, but when I hid behind the rocking chair in the nursery, she took a lot of time trying to find me. When I heard her at the top of the stairs, and announced that I did not go downstairs, she ran back to the hall and proceeded to call my name, over and over again, "MAHWEE!!! MAHWEE!" thinking I would out myself. Fat chance, toddler. Without her older brother as cohort she quickly lost steam after 30 seconds of searching, and went to her room, sat on the floor and decided to play with her barbies. She sang a song of her own composing about ballerinas and princesses, and was entirely adorable, all the while, I was still behind the rocking chair in the nursery.

Why, you might ask, after the three year old girl had given up trying to find me was I still on the floor behind a chair? Because what kind of lesson would that be to instill on a toddler? If something is hard and I quit, it will work itself out. NO DICE. After her song and a few minutes with her dolls, she realized I was still missing. She came into the nursery and slowly crept up to the bed next to me, and threw back the covers, aggravating the sleeping cat, but still didn't see me. She was sad, and left the room. I knew my spot would probably go undiscovered lest I help her out, so at this point, I giggled. She called out, "Mahwee?" and I giggled again, and she found me within two seconds.

All in all, a pretty good game, and a catchy song about ballerinas to boot.

Currently Obsessing Over:

An Education.

More specifically, Rosamund Pike in An Education.







Also, the soundtrack is delightful! And Peter Sarsgaard is so good at playing the creepers. (I can think of one role that wasn't creepy and that was Shattered Glass. Can you think of any others? He seems like such a cool guy, alas...)

MUPPETS!

I've been pretty much obsessed with the Muppets since I was a small child, and now that they have a youtube channel, I'm pretty obsessed with that too. I'm assuming you've all seen the Bohemian Rhapsody but I love Beaker. So here he is.

A note to Ryan.

A week ago there was a going away party for one of my favorite people, whom we will call "Ryan" (because that is his name). At this party, Ryan asked me if I was going to blog about it. So, here it is, sort of.
Ryan happens to be one of the most charming and charismatic people I've ever met. One time when we were going to meet for trivia, I sent him a text saying, "I'll be carrying a copy of Pride and Prejudice and a red rose." He responded by sending me this picture:
along with a description of what he'd be wearing, something about a trench coat... ahem. This might also be the time to mention that he is an equal opportunity flirt, which I think more people need to be. Gold star, Ryan!
Last Saturday when I said he was one of my favorite people, he seemed shocked, and asked if I liked him better than Obama. Without getting on a political soapbox, let me just say, Obama = not a favorite, while Ryan = a favorite.

Ryan, now that you are where you were going away to, have so much fun, and know that you are missed.

Accomplishment:

I am someone who likes pumpkin. I like pumpkin pie okay, but for thanksgiving, a holiday only celebrated by social eating, why serve the same old pumpkin pie? Last year I made a pumpkin cheesecake with cranberry compote, which was super yummy. And this year, I decided to try something I saw on the Food Network. Ina Garten, aka the Barefoot Contessa, and my all time fave, made a pumpkin roulade with ginger butter cream. I thought I'd mix it up and put an orange cream cheese frosting inside it instead of the ginger butter cream, and boy howdy, it was rich, and delicious. Since my computer has yet to be replaced, I don't have a picture of it to post, but think of a really big hostess ho ho. In order to make it all roll uppy like roulades are by definition you flip it out of the pan onto a towel as soon as it comes out of the oven, then you roll it up and let it cool, (later to unroll it and add the filling). When I flipped that 13" x 18" cake out of the pan and rolled it up without anything breaking I had this huge sense of accomplishment. I would liken it to the time when Heidi taught me how to bust a coal, aka start a fire by rubbing sticks together. After rolling up that cake I had the rush of, "I have made fire! I have made fire!" (and by fire, I mean a cake, rolled up in a towel.)

One of these days I'll blog again...today maybe?

So, I've been a little hesitant to post the blogs on my mental to-blog-list because I've recently been bombarded with a bunch* of random commenters/email respondents, some of them have been hard core crazy - not unlike our old friend Hawkeye Rachel. Sure, some of the people who have emailed me were mentioned on my blog, and apparently have a bone to pick with me, like I'm Hedda Hopper or something. But some have not. I'm not sure how these new friends are finding my blog, but it made me not post about my run in with Gumby at Lola's Room last Friday night, lest Gumby google him/herself and then feel like I was mis-representing them and the integrity of their costume at 80's night. (Chuck Norris** was also there, and for a brief moment I was concerned that the universe would implode because they were in the same room together.) (Nice comments and emails, and non-nice from people I know, are always welcome.)

Also, my little laptop died. It has been geriatric for a while (why yes, it is the same 12 inch beauty I bought in 2004, and had recently contracted narcolepsy (do you contract narcolepsy? develop maybe?) where it would yawn briefly before quickly falling asleep. Tonight, it gave up the ghost. It is making a terrible angry beeping noise every time I try to turn it on - apparently it has had enough moments posing as Lazarus. Even though I was anticipating the loss, it still smarts something fierce. Sure I've been through three operating systems, two hard drives, four batteries and two plugs, I loved my computer. The sad news is, I have to buy this as soon as possible, potentially changing my plans for Africa...I was making MAJOR progress on a project, and I need a computer. SHOOT!

*Ok, maybe just a few, but enough all the same.

**Not THE duster-wearing Chuck Norris, but he sure does throw down an awe-inspiring roundhouse!

Open Season:

To the writers of Gossip Girl:
Dan + Vanessa with her awful extensions + Hilary Duff = EW.

To Matthew Weiner:
Good job. Wow. Wow. Good job.

To AMC:
Please order more episodes of Mad Men. 13 is not enough. Thank you.

To my wrist:
I don't know how you got sprained, but I do know that you hurt like nobody's business. I hope you like the stupid brace I'm wearing for you. Let's be friends again soon.

To the pretentious 18 year old featured on Caridgan Empire today:
I really liked this outfit.

To Charlie Kaufman:
I just watched Being John Malkovich again, and you are AWESOME.

To Wade Robson:
Your dance last week was my favorite of this season, and last season.

To the sales girl at Ray's Ragtime.
You're not cool.

To the kid who plays Artie on Glee:
I am SHOCKED that I like your David Bowie cover so much. Good job.

To pears:
I am addicted to you.

To my hair:
I'm sorry that I tease and curl you all the time. Thanks for doing whatever I tell you to do.

To Cory:
Yes, Dead Man's Bones really is my greatest concert yet. You were there, you know why.

To Charlie Kelly:
I'd like to place an order for "Kitten Mittons." I'm smitten!

Halloween

Yesterday as I was sending a little red power ranger on to the school bus, the elderly bus driver asked me what I was dressed up as. I was wearing a black dress, red tights, and black heels, dressing as I normally dress. I replied, "I'm not dressed up." Which of course made her visibly uncomfortable.

Maybe now she knows how uncomfortable I am every day when she chats with me.

For some really delightful and horrifying (but in the best way) halloween costumes compiled into one amazing place, check out miss james' blog. Not convinced? How about a preview:


Seriously, go they are amazing!

Ryan Gosling Day!

I don't have a tremendous amount of time right now, but how about a quick little post to:
1. Big sad face for Shara not being able to get a ticket before it sold out.
2. Big thanks to Becky for coming, you're always willing to be my friend, and I appreciate that.
3. BIG BIG thanks to Analee for making this -



which of course prompted the Dead Man's Bones men to invite me on stage and have the entire audience sing Happy Birthday to me! (and LOTS of "Happy Birthdays" from strangers after the show!) And then I got hugs and kisses from both of these dreamy men:




One of whom happens to be my celebrity crush!!!

Why no, I can't think of a better way to usher in a birthday. In fact, I would say that this has been my GREATEST BIRTHDAY EVER, and my actual birthday isn't until Wednesday! haha. Thanks Analee!! You're so brave and so much fun, and SUCH a good friend! Loves & loves!

Craigslist is so funny.

I've been looking for a wrought iron bed recently, and craigslist is one of the places I look pretty regularly. Yesterday in my search I found an ad posted by someone I know. One of the sentences from the ad is as follows, "I love this bed!! It is heavy, sturdy and gorgeous. If I had a room for it or even a grand daughter or guest room there is no way I would sell it. It is awesome."
This person has 4 grand daughters and at least 3 guest bedrooms. I'm just saying...

For reasons I won't share on the interweb, I decided to look and see if I recognized anyone in the "men seeking women" section... I did not recognize anyone, but I did find a couple of HILARIOUS posts that I just had to share:

Are you what I've been looking for? - 23 (Portland)
Date: 2009-10-13, 3:34PM PDT

I've been searching all my life...

I need a lesbian, nazi, hooker, abducted by a ufo, and forced into a weightloss program...

Don't make me wait any longer!

and of course the predictable:
Semi athletic but shy young man seeks playful cougar for passion - 30 (sw portland)
Date: 2009-10-13, 3:54PM PDT


Im a semi athletic and healthy and disease free, single 30 year old man with my own place here in downtown portland, im 5'10 with blue eyes and brown hair, fit body and 175 lbs, with a 7 inch [CENSORED].

Married or not, but age doesnt matter to me.


Im athletic, romantic, educated at PSU with a bachelors degree, I have a job, love coffee, drinks, movies, and sex!!!!!

Suffice it to say, I replied to both of those ads.

For your consideration:

Some amazings, some funs, and some pretties:

Tuesday, Dead Man's Bones' LONG AWAITED (at least by Analee & I) debut album came out. I am IN LOVE WITH IT! I'm not usually a girl that goes for the creepy/zombie thing, but this album kicks! It brings a smile to my face, and I've been listening to it practically non-stop since Tuesday. (I even took it in to my facial appointment on Tuesday so my aesthetician/cousin Julia could hear it!) Key tracks: Lose Your Soul (musical perfection + pure sex!), In The Room Where You Sleep, and Paper Ships. Go HERE to download the delightful My Body's a Zombie for you for FREE!!!



Oh did I forget to mention that Ryan Gosling & Zach Shields are the cute boys behind Dead Man's Bones? Did I also forget to mention that they are coming to Portland on the 25th?!? Happy [early] Birthday to me!

Um, this cute girl made my whole day:

This is my favourite and my best:



SO GOOD!


Two new TV shows that I LOVE:

Man Shops Globe - It follows the found objects buyer for Anthropologie, Keith Johnson, as he finds awesome stuff, like this amazing bed, which I am now trying to figure out how to justify buying:


And, Bored to Death. It is HBO's version of Murder She Wrote for the hipster demographic. It is delightful.

And how about a shout out? This lovely lady, one of my favorite people, has a new website up for her beautiful photography! She is such a talented person, and her portraits are intriguing and beautiful. Look:



SO CHARMING! P.S. Lindz, is the uber talented girl who made this poster-sized picture of me out of construction paper many, many moons ago.

As requested: the bathroom mini-reno in detail:

I got so many emails telling me how much you approved of the new bathroom. Thank you so much for your validation! You guys are too good to me. Here, for your inquiring minds are some detail shots of my handiwork. As you all know, I am no photographer, (especially since I irreversibly messed with my point and shoot - oops)

What you've seen:


The mirror I made:


It's so so so simple to make frames. I saw a similar mirror at a few stores for lots and lots of dollars, mine cost about 10 dollars to make. That includes a $5 garage sale mirror, $4 of reclaimed wood, some left over MDF from my coffee table project last year, some screws and about $2 of reclaimed wood for a french cleat to hang it.

The light someone threw away. haha. Not really, they donated it.


The faucet I am in LOVE with:




The marbleized porcelain tiles I found at the Habitat store. It's the look of marble with a fraction of the carbon foot print! Who doesn't love that?


I love cup pulls.


My mother loves tropical, beachy settings. She was born in Key West, and the fact that we spent most of our summers in Hawaii when I was a kid, I understand where the draw comes from. She also leans toward the traditional as far as design aesthetics go. So I tried to cater to both of those things, and go for a coastal/colonial look, and use our collections of sands and shells from our travels.


And then I made these ridiculous little prints on left over raw silk from Brittney's art project, to continue the theme.

Well Ali, since you asked...

What I used my polyurethane for recently were these little projects:

1. We used this lazy susan (which matched our very old kitchen table) like 15 years ago for reals, but since it got a little ruined, and then didn't match the dining room table, we now use it for games. The perfect little project to teach my friend Birgitte the basics of wood refinishing!

Before: Ugly, scorched oak...


After: A little bit better...


It still doesn't match the dining room table, so we'll still probably use our marble lazy susan for family dinners, but as far as giving a new life to a still functioning piece of practicality, why not?

2. I used my poly on my bathroom vanity. Our guest bathroom has been the home of some SERIOUS UGLY for a long time. It's now only that I'm old and my mom has seen my handiwork on lots of pieces that she trusted me to remedy the main offenders in our guest bath.

Before: 80s oak monstrosity...


After: a little bit better...


To be fair, I did more than just refinish the vanity. I retiled, built a mirror, replaced the sink, faucet, light fixure, and electrical switches, and painted and wallpapered. I used all salvaged wood, bought the tiles from the Habitat for Humanity ReStore, got the sink and light at the ReBuilding Center on Mississippi, and got the mirror itself at a garage sale. In fact, the only store purchases for this were the wallpaper, the faucet and the drawer pulls and knobs. I love how many resources for recycling there are in Portland!

The celebratory karaokeing.

After our victory on the Office front, Becky, Shara and I decided to head over to the Cheerful Tortoise to do a little karaoke. To say we had a lot of fun would be a huge understatement. But, I'm afraid I won't be able to fully convey the amount of fun had through this blog -- but you know I'm going to try.

We got there and quickly made friends with the two couples at the table next to ours who were four pitchers and several glasses of wine in to their evening. They seemed like they would do anything, so I suggested they sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" after a girl completely butchered "You're my Best Friend" by Queen. They didn't go for it, and I was a little sad. We each did a little number, I chose one of my all time favorite songs, "Brand New Key" and the karaoke DJ told me it was a good song, and the whole lot of baby boomers who were there sang along with me. (At this point I should state that the karaoke dj, whose song choices led us to believe he was Becky's karaoke soul mate, seemed familiar to Becky. In fact, she thought he was the same guy as the cross dresser who had been the DJ on a previous visit to the Cheerful Tortoise.) After a few minutes, our drunk friends called it a night, and it brought the active karaoke-ers down to the three of us, the DJ, the crazy muttering homeless woman who didn't actually sing the songs so much as sometimes slur a few of the lyrics, and Andy, a white kid who rapped Eminem and MC Hammer with the best of them.

After a while - lots of songs by Andy and the three of us solo and in various pairings, a group of five guys showed up. Four of them were young, and one was middle aged. We were immediately intrigued by the dynamic of their group. Two of them started their karaoke night off with a Toby Keith (I think?) song, and decided to serenade Shara on bended knee. It was DELIGHTFUL. Next was Shara and I singing "Alone" by Heart. Everything was normal until Shara and the tall kid who serenaded her started talking during my portion of the song. Then I announced, "I'm singing," like the diva I am, (it was mostly a joke, and it got chuckles). The tall kid told me I should sing to him. And that is how Shara and I got new gay boyfriends. (Shara even got a phone number during our song!) A few songs later, who ended up being the birthday boy, Connor, and the kid who gave Shara his number did a version of "I'll Cover You" from Rent, which we felt we should answer with "Take me Baby, or leave me" which would have been a lot better if I actually knew the song... Oh well. (Shara, next time I promise I'll know the lesbian love song better!)

The highlight of the evening for me had to be Becky, who after one of her numbers was asked by the not-currently-cross-dressing-dj-who-is-her-karaoke-soul-mate asked her if she liked Sheryl Crow. Not more than 10 seconds later, they were sharing a mic, he was holding her neck, and they were singing that Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow song. PRICELESS!

Shara bought birthday boy Connor and his friends (and his dad) a round of shots, which I thought was super kind of her, and Connor and his father paid her back by singing an AMAZING version of Hall & Oates' Maneater. Delightful!!! And the four younger guys did BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!!! I didn't even have to ask. They were so funny.

When we left, people were vocally sad to see us leave - which is ALWAYS a good thing. What do you say girls, can we go back this weekend?

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Because when you share great failures you should always come back with a story of success (it's the American way):



I'm sure you're wondering how a horrible picture of a cheap trophy and a chattering teeth thing symbolizes success. I will explain.

Saturday night, Becky, Shara and I traveled to the near east* (57th & Fremont) for another one of Shanrock's trivia nights - this time, trivia based on the BBC2 office, the NBC office, and the film Office Space, and this time Shannon herself hosted. (As an aside, I would not classify myself as a great fan of the NBC office, but I have seen most of the episodes. I would also not classify myself as very knowledgeable of the BBC office or Office Space, but I did watch them both for the second time before Saturday night.)

Here's the good news, WE WON! (And I am a fan of winning!) We not only won, but we DOMINATED! We were twelve points ahead of second place, and got highest score per capita!

Our good friend Ryan is a huge office fan, but couldn't make it to the triviology because of a wedding or some other trivial (but non-"trivial") commitment, and he sent us a request to have our team name be "You've been shunned!" We of course lied and said we would, but in actuality, our team name, more befitting Shara, Becky and I was, "Damn, it feels good to be a gangster!" (If Ryan asks, please continue the falsity.) The only problem with having the name, "Damn, it feels good to be a gangster" and then getting a perfect score the first round is that it made Shara feel like we were being cocky. Maybe it was the fact that when Shannon said, "Alright, they've got the round. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster!" I responded with, "Damn right it does!" Is that conceited? hehe. We continued to win round after round, with Becky busting out "Hate ball", (and so many other answers), and my little bit of knowledge about the BBC office, like Keith saying, "Men are turned on by what they see, but women are turned on by what they hear," and then guaranteeing more than one orgasm. Shara totally knew that Creed's wallpaper was a woman breastfeeding her baby, but unfortunately we didn't trust it.

Anyway, Shannon gave us the awesome trophy which we will share,the chattering teeth toy like the one Michael has on his desk, and a gift certificate to the pub. She also took our picture and is sending it out her in weekly newsletter! WHAT WHAT!

*not a name of any of the neighborhoods in Portland. We were actually in the neighborhood of Cully. But who's counting?

Pants Not on People: Part 3

Not that any of you have read the original Pants Not on People, but, here, years later is part 3.

I passed this bus stop, saw the pants and giggled. I think it is completely apropos to the ad and the fact that we can see the zebras butt. The ad says, "See what you're missing," (that would be your pants.)






Just for fun: the lyrics to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 song, "Pants!"

Why Yes I Did...

Run over my can of poly with my car, struggled to get the lid off, and now cannot get the lid back on. How clever of you to notice.

Notes for Kyle, the Arrested D Trivia Jock:

I know you heard a lot from me last night about your “performance” but I would like to restate some of my concerns about the outcome of last night’s festivities for you now in the light of a new day, and since you’ve probably sobered up by now. (And, I promise to be a gracious loser just as soon as I get this rant out!)

1. When you steal Shanrock’s line about accepting bribes and sexual favors, you aren’t as funny as she is. In fact, when you say it, it's not at all funny, but mostly creepy and pathetic. And if you really want to be offered sexual favors, perhaps you shouldn’t be such a HORRIBLE trivia jock.

2. When you ask trivia questions, you should know the answers to them.

a. When you say “Which character was portrayed by two actresses” know that the answer is Ann, and not Marta (who was portrayed by 3 women.) And when the team, “Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution” and my team, “Neuterfest” (as an afterthought, we wanted to change our name to Girls With Low Self-Esteem…next time Adrianna, next time!) bring this up, don’t throw out the question because you’re a dummy even after you look it up on your iphone.

b. When you say fill in the 9 blanks below, and have 10 words missing out of the opening credits narration, stop drinking and focus on your counting!

c. When the answer is “…you old horny slut,” don’t drunkenly announce it as “…you horny old slut” multiple times, even after you told us we needed to be exact in the phrasing.

3. The fact that so many of us had really close scores is a sign that your questions were way too easy. (The people who left midway through the game were not true fans -- they were there for giggles, not for the competition.) It is not a sign that the last round should be something truly and completely unrelated to Arrested D, like filling in missing lyrics to Europe’s Final Countdown. You might just as well asked us about the band Arrested Development, or one of the songs by Motherboy. If you want to do Arrested Development trivia, perhaps you should have asked us the lyrics to “Teamocil,” “Big Yellow Joint,” “All You Need are Smiles,” “Get Along Little Sheep,” “Hot Cops” or even “Afternoon Delight,” whose lyrics were ACTUALLY USED IN AN EPISODE.

4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus' name is not Julia Louise Dreyfus.

5. Don’t take 3 minutes between each question. You copied Shanrock’s line, please also copy her timing, charisma and natural grace as a trivia jock.

6. Put down your drink, and focus on the task at hand.

7. Oh, and lose the hat with that shirt. They are competing patterns.

(So, we did not win. We tied with two other teams for third place. We missed one question that was arrested related, -the answer was underwear-- and that was the same question the winners Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution missed too-- all of the other points we missed, and I suspect the people who tied with us, and came in second, missed the lyrics to the Final Countdown. [angry face]. I am so angry with Kyle’s questions, there is no way I’m going to skip my hip hop class again for the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia one he’s concocting.)

Do it for the kids!

This morning, Adrianna and I went to Portland Saturday Market, among various other Portland locales. While we were leaving the market a girl stops us, introduces herself as April and shakes our hands.

"Are you guys from around here?"

Thinking that it would get us out of whatever she wanted to talk to us about, answered negatively and then straight up lied about both of us. "She's from Detroit, and I'm from Louisiana."

April then told us about her sponsorship program, while we were trying to edge away without being too rude, and when she showed us the list of countries the kids live in, I said, "I'm going to Zambia in April!"

"What are you doing there?" As she high fived me.

"You know, saving some kids."

At which point Adrianna says, "the same thing you're doing."

April then gets out a form for us to put our credit card information in. She says, "if you guys donate and put my sales number right there, a child can be in school in 48 hours! Isn't that crazy?"

I, being the jerk I am, replied, "what else is crazy is thinking we're going to give out our credit card information on the street."

"Well, we're the oldest sponsorship program in the world, we're reputable."

Adrianna, very tactfully says, "do you have a website? We'll go there."

Oh April, good luck finding a job that doesn't suck that much.


Adrianna, this is why not to go to the Clinton Street Theater for the Midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Here bunny, bunny, bunny.

Yesterday as I was driving down a road, I saw a bunny leaving a school's parking lot. Not like a wild rabbit, but somebody's white fluffy bunny pet. I turned the suburban around, left two confused three year olds in the car and went to catch the rabbit. The next few minutes went something like this:



I finally caught the bunny and went to the teacher who was on recess with his class, and I said, "does this bunny belong to you?" "No." "oh..." "One of these neighbors raises rabbits and lets them roam around. We had four in our playground this morning."

So, I let the bunny go, and went back to the suburban where two three year olds kept asking, "why'd you let the bunny go?" and "can we take it home?" Having to explain that the bunny belonged to someone else proved to be almost as difficult as trying to explain the concept of an "actor". To this day, they think that after Mary Poppins left, Dick Van Dyke moved north, had two blonde children, and then tinkered around with chitty chitty bang bang, and that Brendan Fraser moved from Africa, to Canada to be a Mounty, and then to Los Angeles where he was aided by Bugs Bunny to save his spy father, Timothy Dalton, from the evil Steve Martin.

make up the break up.

why yes, i was sent this with a list of numbers. good luck getting the list...



ok, maybe there was a 17 in the list. haha.

Beatles update:

I chose a "favorite" arbitrarily, because I wanted to cross it off my list. That favorite is: Ob La Di Ob La Da. Stupid reason: because the name "Molly" is in it.

Also, if anyone knows anyone named Desmond I could marry, please send them my way!

fabric painting.

One of my favorite things to do for gifts is paint some fabric and put it in a frame. Here are some poorly photographed examples:

For my old roommate Whitney's soon to be born son, who has a space theme for his room complete with little alien stuffed animals Whitney made that are so, so cute! (I love this theme, by the way! Perfection.)


For the new Mr. & Mrs. B.


For my cousin's kid whose mother was really taken with the one I made for my little brother Isaac last Christmas.


And, I'm announcing it to the world, that I owe Joe & Britt a big one!!! I made them one but the red paint bled all over it. Soon friends, SOON!

Music Videos!

I love music videos. I think a lot of times they are just great. Sometimes, they are not.

Today, instead of going to Sunday School some friends and I were talking about really horrible music videos, similar to the conversation I had many, many moons ago with Jooj & Nephi, but this time we didn't have the benefit of the internet. I thought I would compile some absolutely horrible music videos for you to watch when you need a giggle or would like to be gobsmacked!

Exhibit A:
David Hasselhoff - Hooked on a Feeling* **



Exhibit B:
Fine Young Cannibals - Suspicious Minds*



Exhibit C:
Chris Danes Owens - Shine



Exhibit D:
Carl Lewis - Break it Up



Need more awesomely bad music videos? Search for Omer Pasha. He's hard core awesomely bad.

Need more of the Hoff's awesome tunes? Listen to Night Rocker!

What's your idea of the worst music video ever?***



*Not only are these horrible videos, they get points for being the worst cover songs ever, along with Hilary Duff's version of My Generation.
** Somehow it's only when David Hasselhoff is singing this song do I think that the "bug" he has caught is an STD...

***I will not accept this or this because these are AWESOME!

Some Funnies:

At the Silversun Pickups show a couple of weeks ago, I saw Sex's doppelganger. He kind of made my day.



At the same show was a guy doing tai chi to Cage The Elephant's set and, a couple I tried to get a picture of to prove their weirdness, but this was the best I could do without being very obvious...


Why yes, they were at the show together, that old man and the young hipster girl, they were sharing a blanket and talking to each other. So awkward.


This might be the most terrifying image I've ever seen. I handle it every now and again and it ALWAYS freaks me out. Something about clowns asking how I'm doing just screams slasher movie about to happen.



One of my mother's old students turned this in on a poster board. Wow. I had no idea. The theory of Pangea has been completely reworked.