Thursday, June 28, 2012

Captured on ET: Library Books

For the last week of school I helped the librarian close down the library. I was given the task to re-label as many books as I could. I got through all of the hardback fiction and all of the animal, cooking, craft and art nonfiction books. I found some really winners.

1. "Llamas-Wooly, Winsome & Wonderful"-- The back cover was so hilarious, I actually started looking through the book. 

 The dedication page is also pretty hilarious.

2. This library had not one but two copies of "How to Raise and Train Pigeons" - a skill my friend Ashley and I have often found ourselves wishing we had.

3. This book is called, "How to be your cat's best friend." Just saying -- her cat doesn't look that in to it.

4. "Norby The Mixed-Up Robot" Isaac Asimov? Really? I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but I definitely, definitely am. And I'm deducing that Norby is in love with the transgendered unitard wearer and is rescuing him/her from the clutches of the evil (though if I understood Shrek correctly, misunderstood) dragon.

5. "It's like this, cat" - I realize that a lot of these are about cats, but cats are funnier than dogs.

6. "Star Ka'at" - This happened.

7. "my darling, my hamburger" weird.

The moment I saw this, I thought of the immortal veggietales song about a cheeseburger.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

#9 Plant a Tree

One of the things I had left on my list of things to do before 30 was plant a tree. How is it that a girl from Oregon has never planted a tree? Well, I am what you call an "indoor girl." 

In the grand project of "Operation House Proud" I haven't spent any time outside trying to improve curb appeal. And when I saw two little trees sprouting up on the left side of the driveway, I thought, "I should dig those up and replant them before they get roots and break up the driveway." And of course I didn't for like two years. Over the past couple of weeks I have been spending a lot more time than usual outside working on the front, back and side yards. And though there are a million things I'd rather be doing than yard work, it is getting done, slowly but surely. Part of that getting done, is that I dug up the two little trees, now about three feet high.

I started thinking about how not only is that not planting a tree, it is taking two away. I'm creating a tree deficit, and I could just not do that. So, where to plant them? The wetlands next to my house had ground that was impossible to dig into, so we ventured into the woods in my neighborhood. We planted those little guys where hopefully they can grow and hang out with their new tree acquaintances and woodland friends.

Today on a jog, I cruised by and took pictures of these two little guys, who seem to be doing okay,  a couple weeks later, which is good news. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

My appologies to Geneva.

So, tonight at trivia, the team sitting next to us was a young couple and their team name was "first date." After the final round, before the scores were announced the female component of this couple started chatting with us, asking if we came every week, etc. I then encouraged them to come back next week. "Your name could be 'second date.'" As the girl's face went from joviality to terror, I quickly added "Or not. No pressure." Unfortunately, the whole bar heard this interaction and giggled.

They left shortly after that, but the girl stopped back in and asked if she could come be part of our team sometime, Annie took her card and we went on to the tie-break round (and then won, but not because Eggs - our good-spirited rivals - didn't give us a run for our money.)

I just felt really badly about making an awkward first date even more awkward. But, on the other hand, I feel like I personally would not have named our two-person trivia team "first date" if it was in fact our first date.* How about, "trivia newbies" "the new friends gang" the classic "Team Cobra." Or A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. but what it really was. But still, I need to say I'm sorry to this non-couple, whether she's our new friend or not.

*Although that's a pretty make-or-break first date. You have to work together and potentially compromise on one answer. What if one of you is an idiot, but very confident and you feel like you don't want to be mean. Or what if the other person doesn't give the team who you are grading points for the correct answer of what the trees are called in Lord of the Rings because, the falsely think it is Enths, instead of what they really are Ents. I'm just saying, deal breakers abound.

 On a side note, ANYONE IN PORTLAND WANT TO COME TO A WES ANDERSON TRIVIA NIGHT WITH ME ON THE 16TH? My team members are either out of town or don't particularly care for him. All I need is someone to sit with me. Trivia, like drinking, is not healthy when done alone.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Mormon Standard Time

On Wednesday night I got a couple of emails from the same person who asked me to pray all of those times, reminding me of a meeting I was supposed to attend tonight. The first was, "sorry for the late notice, but here's a reminder about the meeting tomorrow at 8." (Which I thought was strange since we had settled on 7 at the last meeting.) The second was, "actually, let's stick with 7. See you tomorrow." Cool.

Right now, I am standing in the church parking lot at 7:06. Why am I standing in the parking lot, and not, you know in our meeting? Well, the doors are locked, the lights are off, and no one is answering their phones.

I am someone who is incessantly late to church. Something about our 2:00pm start time leaves me completely incapable of getting to church on time. But this meeting, scheduled for 7:00 on a Thursday night? I was three minutes early to. Unfortunately, no one was here to see it.

I just got off the phone with prayer girl, and she and her friend whose name is a homophone for Hitler's ideal race (who seems like a delightful enough person, but I find it hard to shelve my conjectures of her parents being either white supremacists or completely ignorant) are on their way from the airport. ETA 10 minutes. Hopefully someone with a key will show up. Shoot, hopefully anyone on our committee will show up.

At least it is a gorgeous and sunny evening.


So, we finally got said meeting going, (at 7:30!) and there was a new guy from Vancouver there and when we were talking about the Sunday meeting, and I raised concerns over a repeat of last year's craziness*, he made some comments about how he thought girls should shower more. And I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. I was so hoping that prayer girl would do a repeat of her sitcom-infused "awkward," but alas... no dice. We all just looked at him confused and went on to another topic of conversation. 

*Specifically the crazy middle-aged woman who got up to speak in Relief Society before our lesson. But, Analee, don't think this gives you permission to go up to awkward engaged guys with great hair and tell them I want to touch it.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

So, what do you think?

Some of my more vocal friends have decided that I am blogging too infrequently, which is quite flattering and I'll try to get on the ball, I promise, but those same friends have requested that I post before and afters of the crafty/DIY-ey things that I do around my house, because apparently I don't share, like, any of those on here. Pretty sure the last one I did was my dresser about a million years ago. (Remember how I'm TERRIBLE at importing photos?) Anyway, my question is, I know how the vocal minority feel, but is this a welcome forum for such things, or should this remain mostly snarky and judgmental anecdotes of my daily haps? (I promise, the judgment won't go away, I'm no fool.)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

To everyone who delegates,

If you are particular about how a certain task should be completed, please let the person to whom you've delegated the task know what your preferences are, lest they have to do the task over again a few times because you can't communicate.

Everyone who has ever been delegated upon

P.S. On a completely unrelated note - just because you claim to like efficiency does not mean that you are in fact efficient.

(Not that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.)