Saturday, April 19, 2008

Undated, Spring 2000: The Hickey

Actual Journal Entry: Episode 2
(Again, names have been cleverly changed so as to not piss anyone off.)

The funniest thing happened in Pitzer’s class today. SG showed up with a hickey. I know what you’re thinking – this isn’t funny. But it is, because he got it from KS, eew! R pointed it out and we laughed about it a little too loudly before class, because we had a lot of attention on us. And then I said, “nice hickey” to S and he got all defensive and told me that it was from a vacuum. A VACUUM? HAHAHA! Oh my gosh who does that? 1. Like I’m going to believe that, and 2. Why would he say that? Does that seem like a less embarrassing alternative? Because, newsflash, IT’S NOT!

It still cracks me up that [his mom] told me that she hopes they don’t get married because they would have ugly children. OUCH! His mom said that. They are totally going to get married as soon has he gets home from his mission. I guess [his mom] can't win them all. I can’t believe I liked him for so long. What was I thinking?

***Picture is not of the people in the journal entry, just an image I found online, which seemed to fit pretty well. Also, as a follow up, they did get married and have since had at least one child.

Fred Savage: The Dichotomy of the Human

After spending a semester with Suzanne Lundquist talking about binaries and opposition in literature and life, I've been pretty obsessed with the whole idea of multiplicity and duality within one person. And especially since I read an article in the December Vogue by fellow Mormon (and new hero) Kristin Stewart Ward on being a devout Mormon in New York High Society, and now it's really been on my mind. The idea that someone can exist in two opposing extremes harmoniously is a thrilling prospect; then I remembered Fred Savage.

Let's look at Mr. Savage's recent body of work. (I in no means wish to demean that video game movie, The Princess Bride or The Wonder Years - one of the best things to happen to TV - I simply want to talk about what he has chosen to do as an adult.) And I'll only focus on two for brevity's sake.

1. Oswald: a delightful cartoon for preschoolers where Mr. Savage is the voice of the title character, a blue octopus who wears a bowler that is much too small for his head. His friends are a straight-talking penguin and an impulsive daisy (named cleverly enough Daisy). He has a dog called Wienie who is drawn to resemble a hot dog (and bun) with legs. Each half hour is filled with two stories about being a good friend, being persistent, or learning to share. Mr. Savage frequently sings little ditties (and subsequently answered for me the question Joe Cocker posed each week when I watched The Wonder Years - no I didn't stand up and walk out on Fred Savage,) to reemphasize the theme or explain the situation. Overall, while I am not the target demographic, I can appreciate the simplicity and sweetness that Oswald has to offer.

2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Mr. Savage has directed 5 episodes of this show, which is one of the most irreverent, and funny things that I have viewed on TV. He also directed, and appeared in, a promo for season 3, called Danny DeVito & The Contract, which is a bit scandy. This show focuses on 5 people who are ignorant, selfish, and sometimes malicious, and they discuss things which shouldn't be funny, like racism, cancer, death, etc., and it is always side-splitting. Suffice it to say, there is no moral message to be gleaned from this show, except for maybe, (and this is a stretch) don't be like them. (WATCH THIS SHOW!)

Two completely opposing venues of entertainment (and while I've never seen Daddy Day Camp, his directorial debut, I bet these are substantially better than said movie) and I bet Mr. Savage has no trouble reconciling the two. Fred Savage, unlike Kevin Arnold, married his real-life Winnie, and I always liked that. But in examining some of his career choices makes me like him even more. So, thanks Fred Savage. I now have even further evidence that I can do any and all sorts of things that I have planned for my life. Now, to actually do it...

A note to Mr. Savage: Please make more things like your episodes of IASIP and fewer movies like Daddy Day Camp, it will give you more street cred. Keep up the good work.

Friday, April 11, 2008

A Comprehensive List of Date Propositioners:

Gas Pump Jockeys: >7
Male Baristas (Baristos?): 3
Drunk Lesbians: 4
Friend of a friend via IM: 1
Whack Job Cop: 1
Non-Crazies: 0