My old friend Lindsey was sitting in a lecture hall at BYU when an attractive young male came to sit next to her. They started chatting, getting their flirt on, until he said something that she didn't hear clearly. So, like many girls do when they are flirting, she giggled, until she did the quick rewind in her mind and realized he had asked her name. He asked her name and she laughed at him. Suffice it to say, she was mortified and was not quite sure how to recover from this party foul. He never sat by her again.
The registration on my car has been expired for a little while, which is not a smart or responsible thing for me to do, and I understand that. On a rainy Thursday night I got pulled over by a sheriff in my town, who was very kind, gave me a ticket, but also gave me a way to get out of the ticket by getting it fixed and then having my vehicle inspected at the station before my court date. I deserved this ticket, and to rectify the situation I scheduled a time the next Tuesday to renew my registration.
The following Monday, whilst I was driving home from my optometrist's office, eyes dilated, with new too-strong contacts that were giving me an even worse headache than the one achieved from dilation, I saw lights in my rearview. I pulled over, and reached for the ticket secured in the mirror of my visor, to prove that I have already been informed of this situation. I thought that since the DEQ hadn't been open since I received the initial ticket, I surely won't get ANOTHER ticket for this. I wasn't breaking any other law.
The following is the interaction between Officer Tom H. and myself -
Officer Tom: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Yes, my tags are expired. I got a ticket a few days ago for the same thing and haven't had a chance to get to the DEQ.
O.T.: Who gave you this ticket?
Me: I don't know, his name is on there.
O.T.: Oh, he's a sheriff. Can I see your license and registration please?
Me: Really, I made arrangements to get off of work early tomorrow to go to the DMV & DEQ.
O.T.: Just do as you're told.
Me: Um, sorry.
O.T.: You look better with Blonde hair.
Me: Excuse me?
O.T.: In your license picture you have brown hair, you look better with blonde.
Me: Can I have that back please?
O.T.: No, I'm going to need it for a few minutes. Just hang tight.
EIGHT MINUTES LATER
O.T. hands me a ticket.
Me: you're giving me a ticket when I got one 4 days ago, and the DEQ hasn't even been open for 3 of them?
O.T.: Your eyes are dilated. Are you high?
Me: What? No. I just came from my eye doctor.
O.T.: You were messing with your visor earlier - you hiding anything?
Me: That's where this other ticket was.
O.T.: Do you want me to search your car?
Me: There aren't any drugs in my car. I don't do drugs.
O.T.: Good, I hate girls that do drugs.
O.T.: So I'm really glad that your tags are expired and your headlight is out, so I had a reason to pull you over.
Me: My headlight isn't out.
O.T.: It is on your ticket.
Me: You have got to be joking. Is this some kind of reality tv show? Do you have some sort of quota you have to fill? Why are you SO uncool?
O.T.: There's no quota. If you want to contest the ticket there are directions on the back. You're lucky I don't tow you right now. (no pause at all) Listen, can I get your number - maybe we can go out some time?
Me: No, are we done here?
He sauntered back to his car and left, just as delusional and ego-centric as when he pulled me over.
TWO WEEKS LATER - My Court "Date"
I showed up at the courthouse a few minutes early to beat the crowd and ended up being one of the first people to see the judge. The judge was really cool, when I explained what had happened and showed him the other ticket and the receipt from the DMV/DEQ the ticket was dismissed. No blip on my record, no fee, just a memory that I would write a blog entry about. I thanked the judge and left for work. As I was walking out the door, I heard, "Hey, Molly!". I turned around and didn't recognize anyone, so started to head back out the door, when all of a sudden, standing right in front of me was Officer Tom H.
O.T.: I figured you'd be here.
Me: Well, you give me an unfair ticket, I'll contest it.
O.T.: Did the judge lessen the fine?
Me: No, he dismissed it all together.
O.T.: hmm. So, you want to go grab some coffee or something?
I started laughing. Not in the "Lindsey flirting" kind of way, but my obnoxiously loud, boisterous laughter that filled the halls of courthouse and drew attention from the nearby line of people. I walked out the door, not turning back, continuing to laugh because, unlike Lindsey, I heard exactly what he said.