Friday, April 27, 2012

Call and Response

One of my most favorite things about my church is that every member of the congregation is given a calling - a responsibility - to contribute to the community of our wards and stakes. For a year and a half I was first counselor in our ward's Relief Society presidency. Then I got released almost two weeks ago. I was kind of bummed out about it, and also totally anxious about what could potentially be my next calling. The anxiety compounded when I heard our ward choir director was going back to school the very same week I got released.

Anyway, last night I was issued a new calling, and I won't go in to the details of it until I get sustained and set apart in a couple of weeks, but the conversation that ensued was pretty funny.

Me: So, presumably, I will now have to attend [such and such] activities?
Stake Presidency Member I'd Never Met Before: Can I infer from that statement you don't already attend?
Me: That would be a correct inference.
Stake Presidency Member I'd Never Met Before: Yes. You not only have to attend, you get to plan them and be the face of them.
Me: Shoot... ok. I guess I can do that.

The good news is I am not the ward choir director.


10. Bat Cat by charlie and lola's on Grooveshark
seriously, zooborns is the greatest thing ever.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

late start wednesdays!

When I was in middle school they started this amazing thing where every wednesday students didn't have to come to school until 10:20 (a whole hour later than usual!!!) Something about teachers needing inservice time, blah blah blah.

So, now that I'm back in a middle school setting, I don't get a late start on Wednesdays, but the school day does start a half an hour later than usual. To borrow a phrase from 1993: cool beans! With no meetings to attend or prep work to do, I went to the main office to get my chat on, and ended up on a coffee run. Delightful way to spend twenty minutes if I do say so.

On my way back to the room before I had to meet with a student, I stopped off in the special ed room, just to have a little chat with a few of the most fun people in the school. Anyway, we were talking about bad jokes, and I of course told my all-time favorite joke, "did you hear about the gay midget?"* This lead to one of the teachers going to very old math curriculum that is no longer used, but that she was looking to for activity ideas. She pulled out this sheet:

(Sorry about the terrible image quality -- it's Earth week, so only half of the lights are on in the classroom.) 
Just looking at the letters that were given I immediately cringed. Man oh man--that is terrible.

*he came out of the cupboard.  buh dum pum.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Overheard in the hall this morning:

"In the future, when I'm a secret agent, I'm going to need your help. You in?"

I think there are three probable explanations:
1. This child is a little kooky and has big, big dreams. (But something tells me he's not near stealth enough to make these dreams a reality...hello--I overheard his whole conversation.) (Or maybe that was his plan. What a wily little mastermind.) (I take it all back, kid.)
2. This child is planning a little intrigue for the very near future, most probably to get his flirt on with the adorable girl he said this to.
3.Sam, Quantum Lept into this person to correct some important act and thus reset the course of history/the future.

I'm really hoping for door number two. Nothing says delightful like middle school flirtation.

Have You Heard: Best Ever vol 2

Just six more of the best ever


  • She Smiled Sweetly - The Rolling Stones
  • Brass in Pocket - The Pretenders
  • Modern Girls and Old Fashioned Men - The Strokes and Regina Spektor
  • We're Having a Party - Sam Cooke
  • How Deep is Your Love - The Bird and the Bee
  • The Champ - Dizzy Gillespie

Have You Heard: Andrews Sisters

The Andrews Sisters are a throw back to my high school years--which coincidentally were not during World War II, though there were a lot of victory rolls going on.

This song has officially been in my head for three days. The weather is beautiful, and the atmosphere optomistic. I really do love the Spring.

Nice Work If You Can Get It by The Andrews Sisters on Grooveshark

Monday, April 23, 2012

Dear awkward science teacher,

I feel like I should let you know when you want people, or me more specifically, to do a favor for you, perhaps you shouldn't start off the conversation telling me I am terrible at computers simply because I never check my district email. That's not being terrible at computers, that's being disinterested in district-wide communication. There's a difference.

Also, when I tell you I'll let you know whether or not I'll have time to do this favor you ask, don't send your aide down to my room with a crate full of crap.

I did end up doing this favor for you, but I was bitter the whole time, and have subsequently decided to never do your job for you again. \

All because you said I was terrible at computers.

Also, no one cares about your kayaking stories.  Molly, now you're just being petty.

How to make adorable kids not so adorable.

When I opened explorer this morning, the district homepage was featuring this photo loud and proud of some adorable little prize-winning authors.

 My question to the photographer of this picture is this: have you never heard the phrase "and one more for safety"? Further more, you were using a digital camera, how did you not notice that you had captured a supremely terrible photo and try again?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

My buddy, Marcel Proust

About a million years ago, I made a list of things to do before I turned 30. I have been plugging away at that list for a long time: take a hip hop class [check], dye my hair a crazy color [check, check and check], go to Africa [check], watch all three Godfathers in one day (ugh, longest day ever, but [check]).

One of the things I have yet to accomplish is "Read complete In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust."* I started on this goal a while ago, and then lost steam. I decided to pick up virtually every book I could get my hands on that wasn't by Proust.** I really do like the way Proust,*** and let's be honest here--his translator C.K. Scott Moncrieff, turn a phrase. And that remains the draw to complete this goal.

That and the fact that I am pretentious.

For the past few days, with a sense of great urgency, I've been back at it. Proust + Molly = quality time. To get me back in to the swing of things, I went back to the very beginning of the series and looked at all of the sections I underlined and starred and wrote comments in the margins next to. The insights presented and the beauty of some of these sentences make the mundane verbosity that can bore me through the rest of the books completely worth the journey. (Shoot, I even learned a new word or two. "Inveigh against" anyone?)

I thought to keep me accountable for my progress, I'd post some of the quotes on here. This of course, is the poorly executed first one that I just threw together in Word being on a school PC and without my wacom and Adobe. Deal with it.****

Photo blatantly stolen from Harry Benson. One of the greatest photogs ever.

* When I told my friend Annie that this was my goal, she said told me that she had to read some of it in French whilst she was studying abroad. If I were to even try to attempt that, I'd only be able to comprehend basic nouns, verbs and phrases like "mettre la charrue avant les boeufs," or "tourne autour du pot." Sad and true.

**At BYU, my advisor Tom Russell literally gave me the instruction to "Read Everything you can"--maybe I will use that as an out? Except for that he also gave me the instruction to "write everyday" and I get a big Molly Fail for that guy.

*** Remember in Little Miss Sunshine when Steve Carell is suicidal because the grad student he was in love with left him, the number 1 Proust scholar in the country for number 2? Also, remember how at the end of each Vanity Fair issue there is the "Proust questionnaire"? It's that guy.

****Everytime I say that I think of Phil from "Better off Ted." The episode where he and Lem get the cadaver for the lab. Hilarious.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Have You Heard

Just six of the greatest ever:
  • Me & Julio Down By the Schoolyard - Paul Simon
  • Anti Love Song - Betty Davis
  • Age of Consent - New Order
  • Can't Get Next To You - Al Green
  • Here You Come Again - Dolly Parton
  • All I Want is You - U2
No big deal.

double ewe tee eff question mark

"no description available"-- that's about right.

Is this for realsies?
There are more videos on the website.
I kind of think it's real. 
Triple ick.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Saint Bernard & The Virgin

Yesterday my family gathered at my Grandfather's house to celebrate his 89th birthday, it was a super fun time, despite the fact that CRAZY* Glenn Beck** came up several times. When my dad's wife asked me why I thought Glenn Beck was kookoo, I said, I don't think we should talk about that and went back to talking to my cousin Jill who came down from college in Seattle for the day.  This is not important, or what I started out with the intention of writing about.

Part of the conversation my brother and I were having was about Dali. Neurological pathways being what they are, I went: Dali --> Art + Spain --> Madrid --> Prado --> Saint Bernard and the Virgin by Alonso Cano = Molly being traumatized by art.

Just like when you taste something terrible, you say, "try it" or smell something disgusting you shove it in front of your friends' noses, I saw something horrifying and I am going to say to you, "look!"

My day at the Prado a million years ago would probably never go down as a good day for Molly at a museum. I could endlessly roam through the Met or the National Gallery or the Frick Collection, but the Prado does not equal Molly's brand of fun. When I stumbled across this horrifying image, I was so disturbed I can't even tell you. Not only the fact that Mary is projectile shooting breast milk in to Saint Bernard's mouth (I don't know who Saint Bernard is, but I'm assuming he's the patron saint of large dogs?) -- and that's a big issue for me -- but the physics of the stream seems not quite right. And his facial one looks like that when they are getting liquid shot at their face. Sure, it doesn't have to be realistic--it's art, but I don't really understand the meaning behind it, so just going by aesthetics, I still don't get it. Ick.

*Not crazy in the "wild and crazy guys" fun way, but delusional, disturbing and where-the-eff-are-you-coming-up-with-these-ideas, egomaniac kind of way.
**I recently found out homeboy is Mormon. I realize that I am a lot more liberal than many of my Mormon contemporaries, but being an active member of my church, I'm still a fairly conservative person in the big scheme of things.  I cannot reconcile the idea that Glenn Beck and I share any of the same beliefs or paradigms. Talk about ick.

Friday, April 13, 2012

"It's such a fine line between clever and stupid."

That of course is a line from one of my all-time favorite comedies, "This is Spinal Tap." I bring it up because recently I discovered that "Rock n Roll High School" is on Netflix streaming right now.  My brother, who introduced me to the Ramones at a very young age, had tried for a long time to get a copy of this movie. He ended up with a Japanese Laser Disc, back in the day, with awesome bright yellow Japanese subtitles throughout that you couldn't turn off. We of course watched it anyway. Then DVDs happened and "Rock n Roll" was back in print. But now with Netflix streaming, I can tell you all to go and spend a very delightful 90 minutes with a truly amazing soundtrack. I may or may not have watched it twice in the past month on streaming.

My favorite parts include the music teacher from the school, and Eagle Bauer* (played by the incomparable Clint Howard.) Also, I love when Kate hands the excuse notes to Principal Togar. Really Kate, the first note could have gotten Riff out of class for more than one day. That's all I'm saying.

Anyway, it is clever and stupid, and you will giggle.

*When he demonstrates like six different bra fasteners to Tom - they are all velcro, which I don't think is used as a fastener on any bra. But he's working with a blowup doll, so that's already pretty complicated.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What I miss about middle school?

A whole lotta nothing.

That being said, I have fun now. Today I helped chaperon a day-time end of quarter party. It was super hilarious. I only sort of danced around like an idiot, mostly I was watching from the wings as the little socially-inept 'tweens stood around.

Favorite thing #1 had to be the geriatric DJ- he was so stoic as he played "I'm Sexy and I know it" and some like six year old* T-Pain action with "Apple Bottom Jeans."
Favorite thing #2 was a little goth-dressed girl getting her jam on to aforementioned songs, and singing along to every word. It was super precious. 

*How is this song still getting serious airplay? It's fun and dancy, but it's been YEARS. I knew this song when I was still back in Provo, (I moved back to P-town at the end of 2007) and my young friends at DA and I would jam out to that and to Hata Blockaz:

(It was that or Rascal Flatts with those kids, and you can bet your sweet, sweet bippy I'll take Acafool and T-Pain over those whiny dudes every time.)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

So, last night at trivia

we won for the sixth time in a row*. This is super exciting because ever since we started this every week trivia-ing in November we've wanted to garner enough wins to be put in the Tournament of Champions that Shanrock's Triviology** does every year. We're potentially a third the way there, and the trivia year starts in February.

As awesome as this is, I fear that we are alienating some of our rivals. Apparently during the smoke break there was some trash talking going on. Sure, we're in it to win it, but really we just go because it is super fun. (Also, because I feel validated in my brain usage when I can answer questions about Paula Abdul correctly.)  Not only does our table laugh a lot amongst ourselves, but we get to mingle with new people. For example, interim Trivia Jock loves Devo. I know this because he complimented the shirt I made for my brother (that he actually wears!) years ago for handmade Christmas. We then chatted about how truly awesome Mark Mothersbaugh and the rest of the Devo gang are.

I'm positive our streak will end some time soon--when one of our very capable opponents rises against us and becomes the greatest underdog narrative known in the pub quiz circles. (But can we talk about how we were the underdogs for a long time? We went from winning two weeks in a row to coming in last, to then three or four weeks in second place.) But for now we've got our trivia mojo working, and I rather like it.

Anyway, we have a full team (we are accepting applications for a new Brian), but if you want to form a rival team, you should come. Tuesdays at the Speakeasy.

* Our first win of this streak was a birthday miracle brought to the Dance Move Burglars by friend Brian who came to trivia on his birthday, what a trooper. He wore a Michigan snuggy that night (and we still sat by him--come to think of it, that might have been the birthday miracle).
**For years Shanrock's trivia nights have been our favorite in town (especially the theme nights, like Mad Men, Sex and the City and The Office). I do like to throw in some Quizissippi every once in a while, but Mississippi Ave seems so far away on a week night.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Have You Heard: Menahan Street Band

I hate violence. And for sport--ick. I cringe at the idea of boxing. Ironically, I love Rockys I-IV.* I think it comes down to the fact that I know movies are trying to manipulate me and no one is actually getting hurt.**

I also love soul/funk covers of Bill Conti songs from Rocky, like Menahan Street Band's Going the Distance.

It is safe to say I love anything and everything on the Daptone*** label, like I've mentioned before.

*I have not seen V or Rocky Balboa.
**I had a rough time with several scenes of Drive though, if you'll remember.
***Not to be confused with the Play Tone label, which let's be honest, I also really like, and have liked since I was a kid. Especially The Chantrellines.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Pandora's box of awful

Months ago a friend gave me the CD that a previous owner had left in his new car. I listened to it, and it proved to not be my favorite. I told him it was like opening up a Pandora's box of awful, or something along those lines. I promptly gave it back. He liked it a lot more than I did.

This morning, with no middle schoolers in sight, I went to Pandora to get my jam on. I had a plan to create the perfect Molly station. I started with The Ting Tings station I created many moons ago. I decided to add the variety of The Lovin' Spoonful, David Bowie, and Chuck Berry. Pandora didn't like this. It expressed this dislike by continuously playing The Beastie Boys and Nicky Thomas. Sure, they occasionally threw in a Phoenix song here and an Elected song there, but every other song was either Nicky Thomas or The Beastie Boys. I had no idea Nicky Thomas had so many songs! I kept disliking tracks and skipping them, but apparently you can only do that so many times.

To borrow a phrase from Annie, Pandora, you're dead to me. (And by "dead to me" I clearly mean I just x-ed out of that tab.)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Is that a compliment?

Tuesday at trivia,* our regular and oh-so-delightful trivia jock was absent. In her place was a trivia substitute who had subbed for her once before and on said previous time, we were less than impressed. In fact it was an evening almost devoid of fun. We left early. My friends and I were trying to gague the situation, so I said I'd ask in a very friendly way, where our usual host was. In the chipperest voice I could muster I asked. He said that she's got some stuff going on and he'd be there for the next few weeks.** After he walked away, my friends confessed that they were shocked by/impressed at my delivery.***

This reminded me of the time when one of my friends, almost apologetically, said that he thought the Arrested Development pilot was funnier with the bleeping of the cusswords than the original unbleeped pilot. I told him I agreed. He was utterly gobsmacked. He went on for minutes about how surprised he was. It's not like I cuss like a sailor. I have no idea why this was so disarming for him.

I also keep getting compared to Casey Wilson's character Penny on Happy Endings. I just got a message from one of these comparers, "Seriously, do you know any of the writers on Happy Endings? Cause last night Penny was so you!" Last night Penny was in a wedding and instead of being seated with her friends or the singles' table, she was seated at the Skype table. The Skype table. Holy Hilar!

Seperately, I'm not that alarmed by any of these. But added up, I'm not sure what to make of these things.

*Dance Move Burglars have officially won the last five weeks in a row! What what!
**He told us this time that he was really hung over. But he was upbeat, verging on charismatic even. So I had to wonder, if this was hungover, what was he last time when he was sedate and tedious? On day two of an ecstasy hangover where he was completely void of serotonin? We will continue to attend for the next couple of weeks as long as homeboy keeps his spirits up. (And by spirits, I don't necessarily mean alcohol, but if that's what you need to be charming, no judgments.)
***I was less chipper to him when he kept referring to my church The Church of Latter-Day Saints. Fact: That's not what its called. Get it right, yo. Especially if you're asking a trivia question about it. It is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This isn't new. We believe in Christ as the Savior of the world. Soapbox over.