A message for Andre.

I got a voicemail this afternoon:
Hey Molly, this is Brian over here at #(9er&%DK) & F@($NS? * I'm trying to get a hold of Andre Johnson. If you could please have him give me a call at (503) ###-####.

Here's what I'm thinking happened. My friend Andre Johnson must have not been able to pay his cellphone bill this month, so he gave old Brian Mumbles my phone number, because I did pay mine, and apparently mine is a number he can remember and hand out to strangers. The slight, and I mean slight, problem with this scenario is that my friend Andre Johnson and I have never met. And I don't think he knows my phone number. And it's not super easy to remember.** Did I say slight problem? I meant problems plural that completely negate the initial statement.

So what to do? How to help Brian Mumbles get in touch with Andre? I can come up with a few scenarios of this happening.
1. Courier Chicken - chickens are notoriously better at crossing roads and less riddled with disease than pigeons.
2. I can call Brian and tell him that I've never met anyone named Andre***, better luck with any other 10 digit number. And to kiss a flying rock, because he kind of sounded pissy.
3. I can post on this interweb a message to Andre Johnson letting him know that some pissy mumbler named Brian is trying to get in touch with him. Shoot me an email and I'll give you his actual phone number.

Also, Andre, while I have your attention, your name totally reminds me of the very last scene of Waiting for Guffman. Specifically the part where Christopher Guest talks about that Wallace Shawn movie. CLASSIC. Andre, you should really watch that movie. I think you'd like it! Waiting for Guffman, not My Dinner with Andre, although hey I don't know what you're into. But, if you're going to get messages on my phone, the least you can do is take a movie recommendation.



* I didn't understand what he said, either. (Did I catch a niner in there?)
**It's not super hard either, but it's not like my buddy Nephi's old number 4949GET, which he announced one time, and his was the only phone number I remembered when I left my cell phone at my house in Provo when I flew home for Christmas break. Obviously, years later, I still remember it. But don't try to get him on that number any more. It is some guy who got super pissed one time when I called looking for Nephi.
***The closest I've come is watching the movie Andre. OR, maybe my dad, whose name is misspelled on my birth certificate. According to that my father is someone called Andres.****
****Not Andres Johnson, lest I wouldn't necessarily need to find a chicken or to post this.

Putting a call out.

Tonight at our pub quiz outing, I learned that there is a Sex and the City themed trivia night on Wednesday, Jan 18th here in Ptown. I informed my usual tv show trivia buddy Becky that we would be attending based on our mutual love of the show. She said she couldn't because she'd be out of the country for work. That is an acceptable excuse, but I am bummed. I am totally willing to go alone, but I feel like there has to be someone else out there in my life who has an appreciation of this show. It would be way more fun to go with a friend. While I totally scored 100% Stanford Blatch (twice!) years ago on an SATC character quiz, I'm not necessarily prepared to be his brand of lone wolf for a trivia night. (Although I will be wearing head to toe lime green*, and making quippy bitchy comments. I love Stanny - but 100% TWICE?) "Who's that weird girl sitting all by herself getting all of the answers right?**" or worse "No you may not join our group." So, please let me know if you if you like this show, have ever watched this show, or would be willing to be my friend and sit by me for 90 minutes or so downtown whilst I go in to "Competition Molly" mode.

*I will not be wearing head to toe lime green.
**I can't promise a trophy, but I will say that I've gotten trophies at two out of the three*** tv show themed trivia nights I've attended. Also, I really know this show. Don't you want a trophy??
***I AM STILL BITTER, KYLE!

Have You Heard: The Mynabirds

I had my iTunes shuffling like mad as I cleaned my room tonight. (Who can say "TOO MANY PROJECTS"?) I was reminded of my deep and abiding love for songs like Garth Brooks "Calling Baton Rouge" (judge away) and basically the entire contents of Menlove Ave. by John Lennon. But when it shuffled on over to Buffalo What We Lose in the Fire We Gain in the Flood, I was like, what is this? I've had the Mynabirds on my laptop since May of 2010, and I'm not at all sure if I've ever listened to this album before. (I once heard that your library should be full of 2/3 books you've read and 1/3 books you plan on reading. Perhaps my iTunes library should be thusly filled also?)
A year and a half later, I like it. And I'm now super obsessed with Laura Burhenn's voice. Singing one of my favorites by the Zombies:

Merry Christmas

It just isn't Christmas without David Sedaris!

My question is this:

How is it that out of all of my friends who troll the internet with a tenacity and stamina I'll never come close to reaching, and then email me whenever there's something new featuring Ryan Gosling, that I had to find this by a complete fluke of click click clicking away on the internet looking for something else? Drunk History* and Ryan Gosling are two of my very favorite things.

F MINUS, friends!**

Drunk History Christmas with Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey and Eva Mendes from Ryan Gosling

In other news, I'm suddenly in to the Christmas season a lot more than I was earlier.
Wayne Coyne helped too. 

* Remember when I told you to watch the Drunk History series on October 18, 2008?
**Actually, F Minus me for never knowing about ANYTHING that is happening on this interweb without one of you lovely people telling me about it first.***
***Why yes I did put that in a footnote that no one reads.

Have you heard--Christmas edition

So, I am a bit of a grinch this year. I'm ok with it. Even when I wish I weren't being such a curmudgeon about people cutting down perfectly good, oxygen producing trees to put in their houses for three weeks, then chucking it out to the landfill.

It's not that I hate Christmas, or really even Christmas music. I'm just not that festive of a girl and I'm just kind of over this holiday. Well, I am over Christmas decorations which can go tacky so, so quickly. (How is having a big blow up Santa or projector on your garage door saying "Happy Birthday Jesus!" ever a good idea?) I am over seeing Christmas paraphernalia in stores starting in August. And I'm over going to the mall to try to find generic mass-produced items for people I see a couple times a year. I am having a great time trying to figure out what to make people for homemade Christmas. I will read Luke 2 and be grateful for the birth and life of the Savior of all mankind.  

I'm really over several radio stations playing only Christmas music starting before Thanksgiving. Seriously, Charlie? You were my go to workday radio station with your fun 80s dancey songs with no repeats all day long, but then all Christmas music? Especially since there are like twelve Christmas songs that everyone and their jingle cats* sing. And then when people do write new songs, they are terrible. I can't take it.

But let's talk music that's not terrible and doesn't make me want to punch every zealous Christmas fan in the esophagus. 

One of my favorite choral pieces ever, also happens to be a Christmas song. 15 of my contemporaries in high school and I sang this song at Riverside Church at a competition. It sounded awesome. (How could it not with the acoustics in that place?) And we won.





This next isn't exactly a Christmas song, but it's a winter-flavored song about Christ.


And now for the secular fun.
I am still unsure how I made it through so many years of life not knowing that The Christmas Waltz was a song. Until Jenna on 30 Rock sang it, I had never heard it. And then I found that my old friend Nancy Wilson sang an awesome version of it, it was kind of a win-win for me.




And Otis Redding. Who can go a day without Otis? Not this girl!




*Why yes my family did have this CD circa 1994. And if you clicked on that link, I would like to apologize to you. You didn't deserve that.

Making a list and checking it twice

I can't imagine what the impetus of the list was, but Holy Unrelated Words, Batman! Nevertheless, I spotted this today in a conference room at a middle school, and couldn't help but document it.

Directors: Wes Anderson

Another post to defend my directorial choices to Judgey McJudgerson James.

I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone that I am a lover of quirky things, fastidious dedication to detail, and downplayed humor, and with Wes Anderson you get all three wrapped in a beautiful 2-hour long experience. When truly, truly pressed for an actual favorite film, I will say The Royal Tenenbaums (but that is only when I can't give a much longer list, or at least a list that can include Clue and Rear Window--but that is just because it seems the most academic of the three, and we all know how pretentious I am.) But it really is super high on my list. It's a movie I can watch in any mood. It's a movie I've written at least two different term papers on. (The one for 102, I turned in on pink paper as an allusion to the pink walls of the Tenenbaum house. How nerdy am I?)  I love Bottle Rocket. I love Rushmore. I love The Life Aquatic. And after a couple of viewings, I love The Darjeeling Limited. And what's not to love about The Fantastic Mr. Fox? (Owen Wilson explaining the rules of 'Whack Bat' alone!)

Like Woody Allen, Wes Anderson uses the same font*- futura - for all of his credits. He also has a lived in/beaten up luxury feeling to all of his films. But to be somewhat brief, let's just focus on The Royal Tenebaums, ok?

To anyone paying any sort of attention to set design, Wes Anderson is a master. The house on Archer Ave. in The Royal Tenenbaums is not only beautiful and intricate, but it has a visual story and gives us background that supports the action. The decorations on the wall are as old as the emotional baggage that accompanies each member of the family, and like the unaddressed feelings, the decor remains unchanged in a state of arrested development.

Can we talk about costume design?  How awesome it is to have GP running around in Lacoste polo dresses and barrettes, just like she did as a child, but now adding a fur coat and a Birkin (and that wooden finger)? Or how Chaz and his sons live everyday in matching red track suits, presumably to be spotted quickly in the event of another tragedy. Or Eli's urban cowboy look ("And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight") I die. Again, it is a visual cue that supports the story and enlightens us about the characters.

The soundtrack is so amazing also, but not just because homegirl over here loves Me & Julio, The Clash, and Velvet Underground. Every time Eli is doing something drug related The Clash plays in the background. Or the music during [SPOILER ALERT] Richie's suicide attempt is Elliott Smith, and afterward Nick Drake, both of whom were severely depressed and suspected of suicide, though Elliott Smith's didn't happen for another two years after the film came out. Or when Margot's leaving Raleigh for home and her ice cream outing with Royal are both served by Vince Guaraldi's 'Christmas Time is Here' - a song that is in direct counterpoint with itself, such happy lyrics to such a mournful little tune that it provides the perfect background for the extremely strained relations between father and adopted daughter.

You can have a beautifully decorated movie without any real substance [cough James Cameron cough], but Wes Anderson doesn't do that. This is a story about the greatest aspects of our human condition - seeking and then finding acceptance, learning how to be satisfied with yourself and daily victories great or small, and most importantly seeking and then finding redemption. Royal starts out on his journey looking for a place to go because he is broke. He ends up learning how to forget his selfish desires and focus on the well being of his children and estranged wife. As a result, the rest of the characters are able to progress past their self-imposed barriers and paralyzing expectations of genius.  Hopefully we as viewers and thus participants in the story get a little closer to that too. And with that we leave this fictionalized and stylized New York.


*That paper for 102 on pink paper was in futura. I am pretty sure that was the only time I strayed from twelve point courier.

Dear Ribs numbers 7 and 8,

Lungs and I have been talking and we would really, really appreciate if you quit your protest and go back to your non-dislocated selves. I'm not going to lie, you're kind of making things uncomfortable for us, I mean it has been a week. And we'd like to not become addicted to these muscle relaxers we're on - not that they don't have their upside. Life is just so much better when you two are where you are supposed to be, and I'm completely sober.
You guys really are unsung heroes. Without you, my thoracic cavity would be in great disarray. Please don't think I'm not grateful for what you do, just because I don't necessarily think of you. You've made your presence known. I promise to give up the fight club if you two would just stay where the chiropractor puts you. Deal?

Thanks,
The drug-induced Molly.

Have you heard: Omar Velasco

I was reading my friend Melinda's latest blog entry and over on her side bar, she had a link of what she's listening to these days. One of which was a link to Omar Velasco's video, You, The Rain.



Color me obsessed. (Although it may have a little something to do with his hair/vest combo.)

Directors: Preston Sturges

Ever since last week's post about directors, a lot of my friends have been talking to me about Preston Sturges, either telling me what their favorite movies are of his, or asking me who in the world he is. In an effort to fill up the latter's  queues with totally delightful movies, let me introduce you.

In high school when I discovered AMC (back before Ted Turner owned all of the rights to every movie ever and AMC played movies older than the Godfather,) and devoured all of the old movies I could, I somehow totally missed Preston Sturges. At BYU, one of my professors showed us Palm Beach Story and I was absolutely done for. We talked about how he was the first writer-director since sound entered the movies, how he shaped how screenplays were purchased, and how he invented narratage. This is all fine and well, but what makes Preston Sturges so amazingly delightful is how hilarious, truly hilarious, he is. The dialogue he wrote is fast and witty, but he threw in pratfalls and sight gags left and right, so it is accessible to the fans of Noel Coward and The Three Stooges alike. 

Between Orem Public Library and the HBLL with my film major card, I've seen the vast majority of his films, either written by or written and directed by, and without reservation, I can recommend to you:
1. Palm Beach Story - Joel McCrea plays an inventor with the idea of installing wire mesh over a city, much like a gigantic tennis racket, to serve as an airport. And Mary Astor has a boyfriend she's trying to shake, whose language is unknown by everyone, so she just keeps making words up for yes and no. "Nitz Toto, Nitz!" I die, every time. 
2. The Lady Eve - Barbara Stanwick is perfection. There's deceit and lots and lots of Henry Fonda falling down.
3. Sullivan's Travels - This one seems to be the highest praised of all Preston Sturges' work, but it was one of the weaker screenplays according to Sturges himself. 

For those looking to go a little deeper, watch Unfaithfully Yours, (Nobody handles Handel like you handle Handel, and your Delius - delirious.) or Remember the Night which has a slightly happier ending for Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck than say, Double Indemnity.

Still not convinced? You certainly are hard to please.

Many, many moons ago, my mother got me "Preston Sturges on Preston Sturges" an autobiography put together by himself as a sort of journal, and then his wife published it forty years after his death. It was such a delightful read. Some excerpts:
"Incidentally, when I look back over what I was exposed to as a child, I realize how extraordinarily lucky I was never to have become a (God forbid) male interpretive dancer with a wreath of gold laurel leaves around my head." p. 33
"Mr. Crowley's reference to me as "the brat" doesn't bother me because, compared to the way I refer to him, it is a compliment." p.77
"By this time she and I had fallen into the habit of one another--proximity, I suppose--and had become, without the benefit of vows or promises, a duo. She was wonderfully witty, fiercely devoted, jealous and possessed of a temper that made my temper, described by a wife divorcing me some years later as "ungovernable," seem like that of a meadow lark. Two weeks before the picture was finished, Willy [Wyler] eloped with Maggie Sullavan. He asked my opinion of the proposed match beforehand, but he must not have heard what I had I said." p. 280

App-ropos

Three ridiculous apps I am borderline addicted to.

1. On Thanksgiving, my friend Casandra told me about a hilarious app called iPity. It is a bunch of soundbites from Mr. T. Hilarious. My two favorites:

2. Then a couple days later, when I got to hang out with Shara back from Texas for a few days, I told her to download Flipadelphia so that I could go head to head against someone. We were having so much fun, that I persuaded Ryan to also download it. Thanks to the powers of bluetooth and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I am now worse at flipcup than Shara and Ryan both in real life and virtually. But words cannot describe the hilarity that ensues when all of a sudden Danny DeVito shows up on the screen and says, "get lost, street rat!" interrupting your streak of flips. So good.

3. Lastly, Shara introduced me to TriviaTunes. Shara, Becky and I played and it is SO enjoyable I can hardly stand it. I have tried playing by myself, but it's just WAY more fun when it's a competition against other people. So the next time you see me, let's play! Please? I have 70s, 80s, 90s, and TV Theme songs - if you want to win, you'd better challenge me to the 90s or else have super fast tapping reflexes.

Have You Heard: Alberto Vazquez

A recent discovery unearthing of mine is this crazy old cat called Alberto Vazquez. I have to say, I am a huge fan of his early sixties covers of popular American songs, like this Ray Charles classic redone and Spanish language-ified.  Also, who needs a sax solo when you can use a kitschy organ? Not this girl!*





*I will actually always prefer the Sax to the organ, and Ray to Alberto, but Alberto is kind of delightful.

I have no response to that.

Today my Bishop told me that I was the son he wished he had.

He has sons plural, I'm a girl, and it totes made me this, even though that is not at all what he meant.

Directors: Woody Allen

Almost immediately after I posted my little survey thing, I got an email from a friend who is apparently a ginormous film snob, not to name any names (JAMES, ahem). I had no idea he was so particular. We talk about movies all of the time, (seriously, every conversation we have is about movies and nothing else) but he watches anything and everything, so when I got an email criticizing the directors I named (Rian Johnson, Wes Anderson, Sofia Coppola and Woody Allen) (He had nothing bad to say about Preston Sturges, for how can you ever have anything bad to say about Preston Sturges?*) I was pretty surprised.

He was actually mostly gobsmacked (my word, not his) that I didn't put down my "real favorites" Jacques Demy, Jean-Luc Godard, and Alfred Hitchcock. To which I say, why stop there? I respect a lot of directors. I kind of just arbitrarily chose five to name. AND maybe I wanted to seem less like the pretentious girl I am - so I chose fairly accessible directors. Not to be too defensive here, but I wrote that these are five directors whose movies I could watch all day long. It's not an exclusive list. (Truth be told, I wrote down the first five that came in to my head. Hitch would have been a way better choice than say, Rian Johnson with only two films so far.)

He mostly had issue with Woody Allen whom he deems totally overrated. I must argue that he is superbly prolific and diverse, and while I don't like everything he does, he's still cranking out a movie a year, after 40 years. To me that is amazing. He's an odd duck, for sure, but why not hear stories from all sorts of people?  Aside from particular movies, I love that Woody Allen has a particular signature. He always uses the same font for his credits (white windsor on a black screen) played over either a jazz standard or a classical piece. His neurotic little thumbprint is all over each movie, be it Bananas or Matchpoint. And, he's very funny. I am a fan.

So I made a chart in my journal to prepare for my argument discussion with this film snob** of titles that I loved, others not so much, and the ones I haven't seen. 

When you are in the mood for a comedy, watch Scoop or Sleeper. When you are in the market for a neurotic 'who dunnit' go for Manhattan Murder Mystery. If you just want to witness cinematic perfection go ahead and pop in Annie Hall, Radio Days, or Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

What do you think, do you love him or hate him? What's your favorite?

*Just don't watch The Great Moment -- snoozefest!
**Maybe I should say, "other film snob."

Relief Society Spotlight Survey

Like nine months ago, we asked a girl in our Relief Society to head up a newsletter. She's a clever girl, with a strong voice in her writing, and she does a good job of it. Everyone else in the presidency has been spotlighted. I was thinking (in nothing but earnest), "oh goody, I have been overlooked!" Not so, darn it. I got the survey in my inbox on Tuesday night. I filled it out and sent it back to her, because if I want people to do their callings, I should probably not be the hindrance in that pursuit.

I was not terribly forthcoming with my answers, but two I thought were kind of worth sharing.

01) Where are you from? (Did you grow up here, or in a different state?) I am from here.

   01a) If you're not originally from here, what brought you to our neck of the woods? School? Work? Family?
   01b) If school, what's your major? If work, what's the job? 

02) Siblings? I have one older brother and one half brother who is almost 3. (That's not a typo.)

03) Top five favorite books. (If any.) White Teeth - Zadie Smith, Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer, ANYTHING by Jane Austen, Middlemarch - George Eliot, and Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

 04) Top five favorite movies. (If any.) I studied film at BYU, so to narrow my list down to five is unthinkably difficult. So instead, I will give you five directors whose work I could watch all day long. Rian Johnson, Preston Sturges, Wes Anderson, Sofia Coppola, and Woody Allen (Although with Woody Allen, I hate some and love some, but what I love, I LOVE.)

05) What are your hobbies? (Ex: Hiking? Biking? Music? Sleeping?) I love to refinish furniture, build things and renovate rooms - DIY kinds of stuff - anything where I can wear my pink tool belt. I love to bake. I love to make and listen to music. I love to laugh, laughing is my favorite.

06) Chocolate or Vanilla? Other? I will not choose between chocolate and vanilla, but I will tell you, that I love good chocolate and good vanilla.

07) You run onto a time machine, its power is failing so you can take only one trip anywhere through time and space, there and back. Where/When do you go? Why? I would go to 1:15am on October 26, 1985 -- Twin Pines Mall, where another, potentially more reliable time machine would be waiting.

08) What is your favorite time of year? Every time a new season comes a long, I think THIS IS MY FAVORITE! I suppose I'm a 'love the one your with' kind of girl when it comes to seasons.

09) What are some of your favorite foods? (Mexican? Italian? Indian?) Yes. Throw Thai in there and we've got a list going.

10) If I were to write your biography, the opening sentence would be "She lived, she loved, she _______". made lists.

11) If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one other person with you AND one item aside from the clothes on your back, what and whom would they be? I am convinced that people enjoy the movies they watch on planes significantly more than they would like them if they had seen them not as a captive audience 30,000 feet in the air, particularly if they are the kind of movie that they wouldn't necessarily watch to begin with. It is with this logic that I submit my answer for this question. While I would love to tell you I am the kind of person who would immediately pick someone like Desmond Tutu to chill with and learn from on an island for who knows how long, I would actually have to pick a smart, funny and cute guy who is way out of my league, hoping that he would be persuaded to love, nay tolerate me because he has no other options. (Maybe the elevation has more to do with it than anything else, may I put in a request for an island with a high elevation, please?) The "what" is a bit more difficult. I was at first thinking an ipod, then a guitar, then soap, but I settled upon good shoes, because once in my life I would like to be wearing the right pair of shoes for something.

12) What gets you through a rough day? A song? Chocolate? Someone making you laugh? Impromptu dance parties, by myself or with others, either way.

Do you need a monkey?

Sure, we all do!*

My mother found a classified ad today, that was beautifully written and punctuated - and then emailed it to me. I thought I should pass it on, in case anyone is interested in buying a monkey. Just think of the cute little outfits you could humiliate it in.

"hi, do you need a Well trained , tamed and beautiful baby c.a.p.u.c.h.i.n monkey? you are at the right place. our pet c.a.p.u.c.h.i.n monkey is blood screened and come with all her health papers, health guarantee , toys and care detectives. She is friendly, lovely and easily associate with other pets we just relocated to a new apartment which does not permit us to keep animals so we are looking for a good home to take care of our baby girl.. She like outings and she is very intelligent and respectful. She will adapt to new environment easily and to climate." 

I am apparently not familiar enough with the capuchin monkey, because I didn't even know their name was an acronym.** Maybe it stands for Cheeky And Problematic Unclean Creatures wHom Idiots owN? Just a guess.

*Do you remember those Sally Struthers commercials for the correspondence courses--"Do you want to make more money? Sure we all do!" Seriously, those were so obnoxious. 
**NOT an acronym

I prefer football.

A couple of days ago, my friend Natalie as an exercise in sharing what she is grateful for, stated that she was very grateful her husband doesn't like football. I kind of don't see the point in caring about that, but clearly Natalie does and that's great. Different strokes, for different folks etc.

Last night I was able to hang out with my wonderful friend Rachel and her totally charming ketchup* mogul boyfriend Mark, and somehow LARPing** came up. Many things had to be explained to me. Mark said, there's a documentary called 'Darkon' that goes in to the culture of this game, and the people who devote a great deal of time to it (at least every other weekend, not including all of the prep work you do beforehand.) It was on Netflix streaming, so we watched it. It is not a perfect documentary, (it should have explored Skip a little more fully, because he was where the story is,) but to its credit, it did open my eyes to a completely different way to exist in life.

Mostly, the people who participate in this game/community/way of life feel like misfits in the real world, unsatisfied with their roles at work, they relish going to middle school football fields or a forest and staging wars with foam weapons and shields because they gain a sense of importance, a sense of self. All while they are hoping to be heroic, and having supremely awkward and poorly improvised conversations that seem stolen from Lord of the Rings and some Middle Ages/Renaissance something.

I don't begrudge these people the opportunity to waste their money and time on nerdy things, in fact, I think it is great. Well, let me rephrase that. I think it is great that they are connecting with other humans, finding that niche, if you will. Just like those nerds with the salt and pepper convention.  But Mark brought up an interesting point, how is this any worse than people who are really in to football? My liberal sensibilities are really trying to say, it's not better or worse, just different, but my Judgy McJudgerson ways are overruling. Sure, football is more socially acceptable, and that's part of it, but my main concerns are actually the wasting of time and money and that they are escaping life. In being a football fan, you have a team or a few teams that you watch their games every weekend, that's an investment of like four hours, maybe a few more for a few months. You don't really have to spend money on it at all, and everything about your weekend of zoning out in football is considered real life. It might seem a great waste of time, but it is real life.  But with Darkon they are out there for full weekends at a time, leaving their loved ones, (sometimes wives and children and sometimes just parents, let's be honest here) while they run around the forest, camp, and pretend because reality isn't satisfactory enough. I think they all know that what they are doing is fake, but still, why not expend some effort on improve reality, instead of channeling it to role playing and then have the line between reality and a game blur a little more every weekend. And the money - these people have very elaborate costumes/armor, and while I kept thinking their craftsmanship was excessively poor***, they had lots of foam weapons at one point built a huge facade of a building with 2x4s and plywood, to have a three minute battle and then burn it down. (If I had executed a plan so poorly as to not consider the slope of the hill when I was installing the doors, maybe I would want to burn it down as well, but I would notice that.) What a waste of resources!

But mostly, I think that LARPing is not the best use of time, because of the consequences on the family. There was a shot of Skip's wife and daughter hanging out at a table near some refreshments that they had prepared for the gang. They are just sitting there without much to do, as the LARPers all stood around another table and plotted their next weekend's war with plastic action figures. I am positive that Skips' wife is a much more patient and understanding woman than most, but she just looked so empty and excluded in that scene that I was upset for her sake. But the worst part is the children. Look at what happens to the children.



And I am positive Natalie would embrace football if this were the alternative.

*Seriously, Sir Kensington's is great. I have the spiced in my fridge right now. One time Shara and I took it to a burger joint with us. Delicious.
**Live-action role playing. And I thought D&D was nerdy. Shoot, and I thought video games were nerdy...
***The basics of upholstery have been the same for hundreds of years, why you think fastening fabric to plywood with duct tape instead of a staple gun is a good idea, I have not a clue.

Mole want a burrito?

A few days ago, I realized I had forgotten my lunch. So right before the period before lunch I phoned an order in to Baja Fresh, since it was just down the road. When they asked me my name I tried to enunciate as though I were speaking to a room full of ESL kindergartners. I told them I'd come pick up my order in about fifty minutes.

When I went to pick it up, I saw on the receipt that they spelled my name "M-O-L-E". This of course totally cracked me up, and made me remember when Starbucks tried to make me a cast member of the Jersey Shore.

While they might think my name is spelled like a delicious, delicious sauce, they sure did make a tasty burrito. Not Cafe Rio good, but definitely edible.

I always thought I had a relatively easy name to spell - I guess not.

Like a slushee in the face.

Or why you haven't gotten your GleeCap. 

You guys are so nice to me, asking me to write things. But I have to tell you that halfway through last week's episode of Glee I turned it off. I couldn't even begin to spend the precious few hours I had for television viewing last week on that TERRIBLE episode. So I stopped it and then watched Raising Hope which was also TERRIBLE. Then I watched New Girl, and that was delightful, so the evening ended on a high note. I haven't had time or motivation to go back and finish the episode, and I am not entirely sure I am going to watch the episode I DVR'ed tonight whilst out pub quizzing with friends, despite the fact that the Trouble Tones are doing an Adele mashup. I think I'm over Glee, we'll have to see. But truth be told, the next thing I have to watch is the Traffic DVD I've had from Netflix since October 14. (Hands down the longest elapsed time of having a DVD from Netflix, and I am including my month in Africa last spring.)

Anyone want a recap on Traffic?

Best Album of the Aughts

Last night at FHE, my friend Brian and I were talking about what we considered the the best album of the aughts (a phrase I am not terribly comfortable with considering aught means anything - maybe you're supposed to spell it like "ought" as in, I ought to have spent 2000-2009 being more productive and responsible?)

So, Brian presented what I will call "some viable options" but, I of course shot them down, for that is what I do. I declared that Ryan Adams' Gold was the best of the oughts. (I'm sticking with that spelling.) To me that really is a perfect album, but it's like my mind started at the beginning of the decade and just arbitrarily chose a first awesome album I came across. I only made it one year in to the decade for crying out loud.

Since then, albums have been compiling themselves in to a list in my brain. Including:

• Smile - Brian Wilson
• American IV - Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
• Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robot - The Flaming Lips
• More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley
• Plans - Death Cab for Cutie
• Elephant - The White Stripes
• Back to Black - Amy Winehouse
• The Langley Schools Music Project - Innocence and Despair
• Poses - Rufus Wainwright

I just instantly went to Ryan Adams, forsaking all the rest. Which is shocking knowing me.

Just grading some math assessments

So, I couldn't help but giggle and then be a little concerned about this child's home life.

I also wouldn't be surprised if this is an accurate graph depicting the number of cop shows on tv.

The Analytics of Decapitation

Now, I have very little interest in sharing my or hearing about other peoples' dreams, unless of course they are hilarious or really insightful, and I can promise you now - what I am about to share will be neither. Also, I rarely remember my dreams, and when I do I wake up in a fury and scribble them down into my journal so I can remember them. Like the one time I was being hunted by the Russian mafia - a dream that would make an outstanding movie. Or the time I joined the SATC ladies for brunch and then mass (really?). Or the recurring dream I had about marrying a guy from Idaho whose parents didn't like me and I had to buy my wedding shoes at Fred Meyer. (Three things I'd very much like to avoid.) I digress.

This morning, when my alarm went off, it woke me from a very strange dream. I dreamt that while dressed as Speed Racer* and riding on a motorcycle I was decapitated. It was one of those out-of-body dreams, lucid in the fact that I knew I was dreaming, but not lucid because I couldn't control what was happening. As my out-of-body self watched me get into this terrible accident and the ensuing action, I kept criticizing the production value of my dream. "That's not a realistic amount of blood. That jacket is still very white." "You'd be dead by now." "Why is no one calling 911? How is that not the first step?" Very similar to what I do when I watch movies. This continued at the hospital. And at my funeral. It was kind of weird. But I kept thinking about my out-of-body self, "gee whiz, you're such a downer. Stop criticizing so much - it's just a dream. You're still alive, and very much capitated." So I am wondering if my over-analytical, hyper-critical, Negative Nancy-ness is really getting on my subconscious' nerves? In which case I would like to publicly remind my subconscious that we are much more optimistic and kind than we used to be. So maybe you can stop violently killing me in my dreams? Although, no complaints about the Speed Racer outfit.

*Have you seen the live-action movie? Very under-rated.

I've got the moves like Monson*

Is it a good or bad thing when I saw this phrase tonight on a leftover piece of paper in the Primary room at church that I immediately heard Adam Levine singing it to the tune of "Moves Like Jagger" in my head? And I may have busted a move.

*Thomas Monson is the elderly, but still fairly spry, president of my church.

GleeCap: Pot of Gold

So, after three weeks off, Glee is back, (I had to watch it today after work because of super fun playtime last night. So sorry for the delay,) and it was kind of a non-event. I've decided that three non-events are going to equal a strike. So this is two in a row. Be warned Glee, because when I get bored I don't hang out.

As awesome as a note taped in a locker that says, "Lord Tubbington thinks you’re purrrrfect.":
 - Brittany is on the cover of American Cheerleader, and it is taped up in her locker. I totally buy it. +5 
 - There's some fresh-faced Irish kid thrown in and makes Finn look like a man of his own age. I'm ok with new blood coming in, but must we have this Kurt redux? Although his adoration of Brittany is so totally charming. "I really want to snog her. I'm still a virgin." +3
 - Kurt is wearing head to toe neutral tweed and a trilby. He looks like Dr. Doolittle circa Rex Harrison. Delightful. +6
 - Sue telling Burt that she "thought [she] smelled a baboon heart," absolutely reminded me of Untamed Heart, and it was a pleasant trip down memory lane with Rosie Perez, Marissa Tomei, and Christian Slater.  +2
 - "Leprechaun starring a young Jen Aniston is my favorite movie." While I don't believe it, I think it is funny. +3
 - Let's talk about the Troubletones. Is this our first foray into Xtina on the show? I like it. +12 Also, as idiotic as the idea of this second Glee club is, I am totally amenable to the fact that Santana and Mercedes will be singing more. It's like a triumvirate of awesome. +4

That is not a lot of positives. Wow.
+35

As infuriating as this Quinn-Idina Menzel story line:
 - Sue's corner calls West Side Story gay. This show is obviously very concerned with preaching to obliterate homophobia, but they seem more than content in perpetuating stereotypes and using "gay" in an inflammatory way.  Both are screamed much too loudly and are obnoxious. -5
 - The whole budget for the school's musical is $2004? The cost to produce the Umbrella/Singing in the Rain mash up with GP last season probably cost 5 times that much to produce with all that fake rain and umbrellas breaking all over the place. And high school musicals cost more than $2000 produce. Shoot, how much do you have to pay to lease the rights? -12
- A crematorium that delivers "delicious brick oven pizza" and an undertaker who loves West Side Story because there are so many deaths in it? Just because people work with dead people they are creepy? -4
 - Finn is too stupid to try to concoct schemes. He should just stop because I am bored. -2 Then he calls Brittany an idiot, well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. No points, I'm just saying.
 - They have an Irish exchange student pretend to be a leprechaun and then whilst wearing green sing Kermit's song? This reminds me of the other vomit-inducing literal and cheesy interpretations, like that song from Sunset Blvd. and Blackbird - both performed by Kurt. Ay yi yi. Unbearable. -15
- Quinn needs to cease and desist. The whole, I'm imperfect and will thus live vicariously through my child and put on a whole heap of issues on this child by requiring it to fill roles that are completely inappropriate. Just because you're trying to create drama doesn't mean you need to be so irresponsible with it. uft. -10
 - And speaking of Beth, why does she sleep in a playpen? Come on Idina Menzel. - 2
 - Blaine is apparently the go-to guy for Katy Perry songs. Oh, what a terrible song, and how is it appropriate for the sentiment of missing Mercedes or trying to get over the stressful week? -4
 - Puck, your hair. My friend, it is getting T E R R I B L E.  No points, I'm just trying to let you know.
 - Where are these mullets coming from? JUST STOP RIGHT NOW. -15
 - And why is everyone at this school so mean? Life will imitate "art" (Glee is far from artistic, but go with me on this) so maybe conflict could come from other places than bullying? -15
 - Now for some continuity issues...so, the Troubletones. Mercedes says that the sectionals trophy is as good as theirs. Do they not remember the trouble New Directions were about to be in when they had fewer than twelve members in their glee club? I am someone who has seen each of these episodes once, I am quite sure I've dedicated less brain space to this show than, say, the writers and producers. Put in a little effort here. -18

-102

Woah -67. It is not looking good, New Directions. Let's rally to be more entertaining next week!

Have You Heard: Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

I've been pretty close to obsessed with Sharon Jones since my dear friend Jen sent me a copy of Dark Was The Night. Then when I went through Damages in rapid-fire succession last year and I heard "You're Gonna Get It" in a few of the episodes of Season 2, I knew that Ms. Jones and I would have a long and lasting relationship. (Not in a Me & Mrs. Jones kind of way, though.) Something about the cold weather makes me want to listen to R&B. Am I the only one who has seasonal musical preferences?

Dance it out!

I love seeing posters in hallways, it brings back high school memories of tempura paint, craft paper and wasting time in 7th period leadership. When I saw this poster I had to take a picture of it. I am not at all sure what the point of it is. Are they dancing out conflicts, a la MJ's Thriller video or West Side Story? Are they trying to channel students' self-expression into dance, like Kevin Bacon in Footloose, or Bret's "angry dance" in FOTC? Maybe they are just gearing up for a dance? In any case, my favorite, favorite thing is the oh-so-obvious addendum to this poster.

I'm pretty sure that little green portion will erase all of the dance moves the kids have learned from MTV and fill their heads with the desire to personify the innocence of the dance in the original Parent Trap, only without losing their skirts.

winco photo 2

So, again, I love the crazies I see at Winco. It is one of my favorite places to people watch. The other day I was in the parking lot and I espied a woman, who struck me as so delightful I stalked her from the parking lot, through the produce all the way to the bulk foods to stealthily get a photo of her ensemble.

To me this outfit screams, "you think I don't care, but I do." I love the wedge sandals and scarf accessorizing a sweat suit. I love it. Thank you random woman, you totally made my day.

If you build it...

When I was about six years old, Ray Liotta told me, "If you build it, he will come," and like so many things from such an impressionable age, it stuck with me.

When at the beginning of this month, the AD crew announced that it hoped to make a movie and a mini-series leading up to said movie, I was excited. Years ago when it was canceled and they promised us a movie, my friends and I all decided that we would camp out to buy tickets and dress up like the nerds who go see comic book or Harry Potter movies. I laid my claim on Lindsay, (mostly because I don't think I could pull off running around in blue paint and denim cut-offs). For years they have been stoking the fire, filling us with equal parts of excitement and dread with each announcement (I say dread, because hello Sex and the City movies - yikes.) and now that they are pretty darn sure it is going to happen, I thought I'd better do my part and prepare for it. Power of positive thinking and all that. So for Halloween, I decided to make a shirt that said "slut" on it. And, now when the movie comes out, despite the fact that all of that friend group has scattered to the winds, at least I will have something to wear. (And, every other day of the year - because maybe if I wear it, he will come?)

Although I'm kinda bummed I can't wear it to work tomorrow. What, like "slut" written on a tshirt would be inappropriate at a middle school?

I did something wrong.

So about a month ago, I was trying to figure out why my blog kept messing up the blog posts I emailed from my iPhone. I was just click, click, clicking around in the settings, and I apparently did something, I'm not at all sure what, that made it so that my blog posts in general wouldn't post. WHAT? I had no idea until I was getting flack from a friend for not posting to my blog in for-ev-er, and I had to disagree. I was saying, I've been posting fairly regularly, but then when I went to my blog, not a blog post for over a month.

So, I've tried to figure out what went wrong, and haven't really, but I've gotten it to post again, so I am going to re-post all of the posts that should have gone up in the last month, and hope nothing else goes awry.

Have You Heard: Heart

I have two songs by Heart on my iPod Lucille 2. This makes three. I heard it on the radio the other day, and I was instantly transported to back in the day, and I mean back, like 1987, little Molly watching the Parent Trap sequel. Not the remake, no, the seldom-remembered sequel with Haley Mills as grown up Sharon & Susan. One of them is being set up with Tom Skerritt (who unfortunately for him, is known to me as the dad from Parent Trap II when I see him in other things. Even great things, like one of my favorites ever, A River Runs Through It. Sorry, Mr. Skerritt. But I was highly impressionable in the 80s. And I really liked the Parent Trap franchise.)  (This sequel is not to be confused with the Parent Trap III, or the Parent Trap Hawaiian Vacation with the triplets and Brad from Rocky Horror Picture Show that were on ABC in the early 90s[?]. One of the triplets, Lisa, would go on to play Tory on Saved By The Bell.)

I feel like Heart has opened up a Pandora's box-- and it's not even their fault, for I am 100% sure that the version of Nothin' At All in PTII (oh I went there) is not by them. I don't know who it is by or anything else, and really I do not want to do any research, but I'd put down money that it is not the same version.

But, in the spirit of the super fun 80s, I really like this song.  And I will add it to Lucille 2 with pride.

Finding that niche.

One of the things I am most grateful for as I interact with humanity is seeing that people connect with one another. I am especially glad of this considering the more people I come in contact with, the fewer I like, so the more time they spend with each other the less time they will spend bothering me*.  I almost wrote something a little too honest and mean. Phew, I really dodged a bullet there.

My friend Birgitte and I went out to Thai food on Saturday night and had such a fun time, especially since, Thai is something we both can eat. (We could both be subscribers to the ridiculously, but all-too-accurately, titled periodical Living Without.) I digress. She told me about a Salt & Pepper Shaker convention held recently over the river that we missed. Shucks! Apparently, there are activities at this convention like reenacting shakers, and they hand out prizes and post pictures online. I find this fascinating.

 I especially like that Alice is sporting a mustache in the human version.

 I like that there are specialty magazines out there for people who don't eat wheat, dairy or eggs.  And Cat Fancy for that matter. I really like that these conventions take place, and not just because I like to giggle at the pictures on their website, for they are truly giggle-inducing. I like it because humans are connecting with other humans over über-specialized interests. People discover that there really is more universality to this existence than we sometimes realize. Which I think is a very valuable thing. And if you get to live out your boyhood dream of being Alice and have tea with a woman willing to dress up as the Mad Hatter, all the better.

*I really do like people. Well, I give it an honest effort.

I don't go to the theater much.

One of my film professors Dean Duncan would encourage us to watch old and foreign films instead of trying to stay current with new releases. I've inadvertently followed his direction this year. I thought about it the other day, and I have only gone to a first run theater seven times in the last calendar year. Then journal and I thought about it further, and I have only seen movies that have Ryan Gosling and/or Emma Stone in them.

Easy A, All Good Things, Blue Valentine, Crazy Stupid Love, The Help, Drive and finally The Ides of March.

Maybe I should diversify? Or maybe I'll just stick to Netflix for all of my film needs. I can tell you right now that I won't be seeing Footloose.

GleeCap: Asian F

Oh, Glee. I'm not sure what I am going to do with you.

Better than what I am considering a veiled Kardashians as mules reference
- Mercedes' boyfriend is being all Jeanine Pettibone. (And by that, I mean she's being all Yoko Ono.) I don't agree with it, but I believe it. If I were dating Mercedes, I'd want to show her off too. +3
- Mike Chang ="Fleet-footed Ninja." +3 and then Mike called Tina out on her past stutter. +7 because I hate Tina.
- Santana calling Kurt "Jimmy Fallon's butch daughter" +5
- Brittany citing very valid points on why the boys' club system of politics hasn't worked for us thus far: double-digit inflation, economic free fall, oil spills, a war in Afghanistan.  Who says she's an idiot? Not this girl +6
- The Brittany-Beyonce Flash Mob. Anytime you feature Heather Morris dancing, you have my vote. +20
- Beiste is slipping in one-liners like nobody's business. "Stealth-attack Jones" +8 "I had to sell my prized donkey to pay my gas bill. I sold Kim but kept Khloe." +14 And she used my favorite line from Laugh In "You bet your sweet bippy." (no points on that, because if when I say it, as I frequently do, people think I'm quoting Glee instead of Laugh In, I'll get disheartened with humanity. But until then, it's a good thing.)
- Featuring Mike Chang is the smartest storyline these writers have come up with in a while. +15 And, his parents are hands down the most attractive and well-dressed parents yet to be featured on this show. +2 because this is a television show.
- Rachel has completely shed her grandmother meets little girl despite the fact that she's wearing Marc Jacobs styling, and it has done wonders for her. Her LBD from her duet/diva off with Mercedes was adorable, and then the pink dress she worked walking down the hall to talk to Beiste. I am jealous. +8
- I totally believe Will inviting Emma's parents over without her knowledge. While I don't agree with his shady behavior, it is true to character. +3
+94

Less likely than a cast list for a musical going up with five roles listed (seriously, you guys?)
- "It's not about doing your best, it's about doing better." Woah there Mr. Schue. As I watch the transformation of Will Schuester, I am reminded of another high school teacher who transformed into a super villain. First step glitter bomb, next step Walter White am I right? (no points, unless homeboy starts cooking.)
- Will showing Emma his box-o-porn. This is the second time where Will has been a little TMI with us this season, and I'm not liking it. Keep it in your pants. -8
- We're supposed to believe that Lima, Ohio and McKinley are anti arts programs, ok, I'll hop on board. But why would they put a dance studio in the school? And have such a well-stocked auditorium? I have trouble suspending my disbelief when the ideals aren't constant. And then, why would Mike's mother have that conversation with him at the school in stead of at home? -15
- Mike Chang's t-shirt from last season's weird Born This Way debacle said "Can't Sing". He sang a song about how he couldn't sing. And now, he does a really great job on "Cool" and we're supposed to be okay with this? -10 for continuity. I'd have taken away more if Mike hadn't have said something about practicing everyday.
- I know this is a show about singing, but you need to show that in musical auditions also include acting and dancing. And, as much as I love Mercedes, and I do, she would not have fared as well as Rachel in the dancing part, if we're to believe her Booty Camp subplot. -18
- I am still not even close to believing that Idina Menzel would take a part-time teaching job. If she is so highly coveted, she'd be not even close to satisfied working with one kid, or two now. Also, we've already seen this story - Sue Sylvester leading her half of the glee kids. Are we repeating plots already? Yikes. I would advise the writers to watch the first three seasons of Bewitched. Before they even replaced Darren they blatantly plagiarized their own story lines. I do love Idina Menzel, and am glad to see her on TV, but please, give her a believably story. -20
- "Ginger Supremacists"?!?! If it had been funny, I could have forgiven it, but as it was, it was absolutely, not at all, even close to funny. -9
- I really like Coldplay's "Fix You" and I really like Matthew Morrison, but something about his version, even though it is in the same key as the original, he just sounds like a ... well,  he was whiny and not awesome. Plus the all white clothes, curtain and risers- it looked like an ad for the Gap, if they made terrible ads, or like they are trying to channel a certain amazing comedy on ABC, who frequently has their cast in all white.  -4.
-84

Overall, an average episode with a +10. But thanks to Brittany channeling Beyonce, and Mercedes singing three times we are still strike free. 

Have You Heard: Mayer Hawthorne

This guy has such an intriguing voice. I am sold. Here are two singles, one new, one old, and a cover of one of my favorite ELO* songs.




*Don't lie. You love Electric Light Orchestra as much as I do.

Dear Lucille 2,

I think we need to have a conversation about your shuffling patterns. I don't like Rent or Wesley Willis nearly as much as you want me to listen to them. I'd love it if you could mix it up a little bit. But an occasional peppering of "Stop Mulling over the Mullet" would be fine.

Thanks so much,
Molly

GleeCap: I Am Unicorn

It's time for this week's GleeCap:

Greater than the potential Bravo show 'Real Housewives of Reno'
- Bieste is Artie's "own private Jim Henson." +4
- Glee finally showcased Chris Colfer's sai twirling skills. +8
- "First of all, smoking kills. Second, it really does make you look cooler, doesn't it?" +5
- Artie's reaction to Bieste saying she wants "a Tony who excites my lady parts." +10 plus his reaction to Blaine's song, +5. He is priceless.
- "And now, after a long day of snorting splenda and cutting class, she kills the pain the only way she knows how, smoking corn starch."  +7
- Will getting his Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society on yelling at Quinn about accountability. +12, and then Becky saying, "that was hot." hilarious. +3
- When Puck isn't fetishizing Lauren, I like him so much. "Menthol 100s, really skank?" Hilarious! And then he learned that Napolean wasn't just a dessert. +5
- The more Burt Hummel is on Glee, the more I am convinced he is the greatest dad on TV. +7
- Idina Menzel and Lea Michele are SO GOOD. While I am unwilling to suspend my disbelief on why Ms. Menzel is at WMHS, I am totally okay with her being in musical numbers. +6
- Also, Blaine is delightful. He can and should sing in every episode. +5
+77

Less likely than someone setting up scaffolding to climb around on for an audition for a high school production of West Side Story
- Glee hires Cheyenne Jackson to be the director of that rival group, and they don't have him sing before they announce that he was fired?!? -30 please utilize your resources better.
- Mandatory booty camp is after choir practice. So, presumably choir practice is after school. When is football practice? Mike and Finn would need to be there. -13
- Idina Menzel is a part time teacher funded entirely by Al Mata? puh-lease. -20
- "I don't want to be known as Kurt Hummel: Homo" "What's wrong with that?" Brittany, you know I love you, but Kurt is multi-dimensional, (did you see him twirl those knives?) despite the fact the writers don't write him that way. No points, I'm just saying.
- I still don't believe Quinn's transformation. Writers, you are really pushing it. It's like you're out of ideas, and grasping at straws. You can do better. -12
- Blaine, who was a junior last year, said he was a junior this year. Continuity - 10 (only ten, because I like Blaine.)
-85

I was pretty bored with this episode. It kind of felt like I was watching an episode of Gossip Girl.  At only a -8, I'm not going to commit to a strike, but I'm not exactly committed to that commitment. 

Have You Heard: Lloyd radio edit

Call me a prude, but I was so excited when I heard a radio edit of Dedication to my Ex (Miss That) today. The original is just a little too crass for me.



Truth be told, if someone were to edit a film, I'd get all soapboxy and say, if you don't want to watch it, don't, but don't edit someone's art.  But movies aren't as catchy as this song. And movies generally don't drop that word 30+ times in a three minute time frame.

stats and ecstasy.

I recently discovered the "stats" tab on the blogger dashboard. Oh, it is my favorite thing now to see how google is bringing people to find this humble little blog. But, what is alarming is the google keyword searches that have lead to pageviews.

The top five all time:
5: blogging molly
4: yo gabba gabba be nice to everyone
3: blue valentine eagle
2: paul rudd barefoot
1: what it feels like to be on molly

So, number five makes sense. Number four is a super funny song from what I like to call the hipsters' caffeinated Sesame Street. Number three kind of surprised me, I'm not going to lie. But, number two? How many people are googling the phrase "Paul Rudd barefoot"? And, why is that leading them to me? Now that I've typed it, and posted it here, ok, but there are no posts about Paul Rudd being barefoot on my blog. I like Paul Rudd fine, but I don't want to even think about his feet. And now we come to phrase number one. If I didn't know that molly was a drug, I would feel scandalized! Then I'd realize they must be talking about Molly Sims or something. But I do know that Molly is a drug. It is confused with and some say it is the purest form of ecstasy, but it's apparently different. I don't know.

I was so shocked that this was the number one phrase bringing strangers to my blog from google that I brought it up in our presidency meeting this morning. At which it was decided that I should change the name of my blog to "The Purest form of Ecstasy." While that is not going to happen, at least not today, I do think it is super funny.

That being said, to all of the druggies/inquiring minds reading my blog. I say, "hugs, not drugs" and "Get high off of life!" and "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey." But I should also encourage you, along with Michael Jordan and Mars Blackmon to stay in school!

And if you do decide to do drugs, don't do meth. I've been watching Breaking Bad, and boy howdy, that is some rough stuff.

The End of Summer*

*I almost wrote "The End of Sumer." I feel that would have been an entirely different kind of post.

I don't have a favorite season, because I really like all of them so much, how can you choose? But if I did, Summer might eek out ahead, based solely on produce. Now that autumn is here, I am definitely going to miss going out to the yard and finding some of my favorite tasty plants.

Also, summer totally wins in terms of backyard cookouts and bonfires. This year, because I'm off wheat for a little while again, I had to get a little creative with the s'mores.

Who needs Graham Crackers anyway?
 

Gleecap: Purple Piano Project

Glee and I are on thin ice. But I decided that we had such fun for a whole season, I should give it another shot - but we are in a three strikes scenario.  That being said, this third season opened with guns blazing. The witticisms and improbabilities were flying, so let's get down to business.

Better than Blaine Anderson's polo shirts and bow ties:
- Let's just get this out of the way up front. I love Blaine. He is so cute. His red pants, his polos, his cover of "It's not Unusual." What a welcome addition to New Directions, despite the fact that he is dating the whiny bully, Kurt. +25
- Jacob Ben Israel is so obnoxious, but he called Finn a "mediocre quarterback and a mediocre glee club lead" how accurate. +3 Then he asked Brittany what her plans were for the future, allowing her to respond, "wait, are you making a time machine too?" +5
-  Tina is out of her weird goth clothes and wearing color, and she looks great. +2
- Lauren is gone! I am so excited about that! +12, and Puck saying "She's the one who got away... really, really slowly." Hilarious. +3
- "Me and My Hag" brochure from Emma. Glee always has the best brochures. +9
- In the polling, Sue is in 9th place "behind undecided, the rapist running from prison and I don't care please don't call during dinner." +6
-"People who call themselves artists think the rules don't apply to them - it's so arrogant." says the geometry teacher. +5 even though I am sure the irony of this statement was lost on the people who make this show.
- Courtney from season four of SYTYCD is a skank. That is delightful. +2
- Speaking of, "who doesn't love the GoGo's?" "I prefer the Bangles." +3
- Brittany twirls in the food fight +6
- Sugar Mata has "self-diagnosed Asperger's" +3 (I remember this girl from the short-lived drama American Dreams, and I seem to remember her singing on that show, so I don't buy this tone-deafness.)
+84

Lamer than glitterbombs:
- The narration isn't consistent enough within all of the episodes. Choose whether you are going to do it or not. -10 
- Finn got slushied by a guy who had a mullet circa Billy Ray Cyrus. It was OOC. He should be shaved bald, not put on television. -8 He also said, "taste the rainbow, glee-otch" which is weird. -2
- Will Schuester - don't be a perv. You're a teacher. -3
- Will and Emma make each others' lunches? Sounds about right, but it's also more than a little lame. No points, I'm just saying.
- April Rhodes' musical won a Tony? How delusional are these writers? NO! -12
- Rachel and Finn's kiss last year, was it really that big of a deal? It was ridiculous last season, and it is even more ridiculous now with their claim of 20,000 hits on YouTube. -17
- Purple Pianos? Where do I start.  They've been repossessed, and they aren't going to try to re-sell them?  And I don't believe Will has the skill-set to refinish pianos.  - 6
- Emma's Kent State reference was in really poor taste. -10
- Will saying, "I need job security." Are you not a Spanish teacher, primarily? -9
- The band is just camped out in the cafeteria near the purple piano? Do they not go to class? -25
- Anyone who tries out gets in to New Directions? What's the point of auditioning? -3
- I will ask again, until they make it clear, is Glee a club or a class? Why do you switch back and forth? Continuity is important. If I were writing a show, I would make these decisions and then post them around the writers room. You know what, coulda woulda shoulda - who wants to write a pilot with me? -20
- Rachel asked, "what's the purple piano doing here?" Never mind the 8 piece band waiting on the stage. And what was that song? Ugh. TERRIBLE. -10 (Great dress though.)
- A glitterbomb? Are you kidding me? MAN UP, Schuester! And you're really going to put that on YouTube? -14
- Quinn's cigarette is what lit the piano on fire. What did the Cheerios have planned, or is Q still in on the scheme? -6
- F- to the costumers for Harmony's dress. It's cute, but so ill-fitting and unflattering. -4
- Kurt and Rachel's pity party, I feel like I should tell them they are on one of the most popular shows on TV. But the rain in that scene was so terrible fake, I can't forgive it. -6
- "These pianos are still making music and so are we." I think I just threw up a little bit there. -14
-179

So, even though on the according to Molly reality scale, this episode came in at a -95, it was enjoyable. Maybe because I love the song, "You Can't Stop the Beat." We're strike-free thus far.

Have You Heard: College

I was able to go see Drive this weekend, starring my celebrity crush Ryan Gosling, and it was interesting, that's for sure. It reminded me of a John Hughes film crossbred with The Godfather. I wouldn't recommend it for the faint of heart. I got made fun of for covering my eyes and turning my head, more than once. (More than once covering my eyes; more than once made fun of.) Anyway, The director Nicholas Winding Refn's use of music was deliberate and thoughtful, very Hughesian*. (His use of Christina Hendrix, not so much, in that she is woefully underused.)  I really liked a few of the songs - I mean, really liked. Particularly, "A Real Hero" By College featuring Electric Youth**


And "Nightcall" by Kavinsky


*Another very Hughesian choice was the pink cursive script that is on the movie poster, and spoiler alert all of the credits.

**I guess I'm not the only Debbie Gibson fan*** left. But that perfume smelled so, so terrible.

***Fan's probably not an appropriate word in that it is far too strong, but every once in a while I do like a little "Shake Your Love."

Can you blame me? It is a lyrical masterpiece. She must say, "Shake Your Love" 40 times. If it ain't broke, I suppose. And why write more lyrics than you have to?

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

I am far from a perfect punctuater - I over comma like nobody's business. (I also make up words like "punctuater", but that is not what we're talking about right now.) But I understand the difference between a possessive and a plural and it drives me absolutely crazy when people completely reject the notion of apostrophes, or much more commonly throw it in whenever an S comes to live at the end of a word.

Today I was at Winco, a grocery store that is pretty sketchy, but also highly entertaining. I end up taking pictures of funny things I see there more than anywhere else. One time there was a box of dog food called "Moist and Meaty" with the phrase "That's what she said" handwritten on it. I promptly took a picture and sent it to everyone I know. One time there was a crate of bath mats that were essentially rag rugs made out of jersey knit, and the tag said, "Luxury Bath Rugs." That was so preposterous, I snapped up a picture. But today, there were multiple endcaps near the registers that have new (at least to my notice) signs up.

What is this sign saying, really Winco? Are you selling children as well as candy? It should go without saying that that's not legal or moral. Are you trying to say, "Kids! There's candy over here!! Come throw a tantrum until your parents buy it for you." Are you saying that this candy can only be purchased and ingested by children? Maybe old people like skittles too. If you were to add proper punctuation, I would know. But for now, I will just assume that is where you meet the sketched out guy who will sell you children on the black market. Along with some bubbletape, of course.

But Comcast, how do you really feel?

I love Turner Classic Movies. I watched about five minutes of Looking for Love before I decided I had better things to do. But also thought I should put it on my list of movies to watch for the clothes.

I had to take a picture of the merciless description of the movie.

Pauli want a Starbucks?

A while back I went to Starbucks. I placed my order, and when asked what my name was, I responded, "Molly" - you know, because that is my name - and the baristo (that is what I call male baristas,) said "Holly?", and I said, "Molly" trying to really emphasis the M. A few moments later, I received my order in this cup:


I should have taken a cue from Shara. She simplifies things by saying her name is Sarah. Right before Shara moved away, we went to Sonic for some Cherry Limeades, and she said her name was Sarah, and the person on the other side of the intercom came back with, "Hannah?*" and Shara said, "Sure." Shara rolls with the punches, and I tried to impose my will on a barista and I am met with a cup meant for a member of the Jersey Shore cast.

Hi my name is Holly, and I'd like a beverage please.

*When just I asked Shara if Hannah was the right name, she said she didn't think it was that close to her actual name, but she couldn't remember. It could have been some crazy different name like Valerie.