Thursday, December 29, 2011

A message for Andre.

I got a voicemail this afternoon:
Hey Molly, this is Brian over here at #(9er&%DK) & F@($NS? * I'm trying to get a hold of Andre Johnson. If you could please have him give me a call at (503) ###-####.

Here's what I'm thinking happened. My friend Andre Johnson must have not been able to pay his cellphone bill this month, so he gave old Brian Mumbles my phone number, because I did pay mine, and apparently mine is a number he can remember and hand out to strangers. The slight, and I mean slight, problem with this scenario is that my friend Andre Johnson and I have never met. And I don't think he knows my phone number. And it's not super easy to remember.** Did I say slight problem? I meant problems plural that completely negate the initial statement.

So what to do? How to help Brian Mumbles get in touch with Andre? I can come up with a few scenarios of this happening.
1. Courier Chicken - chickens are notoriously better at crossing roads and less riddled with disease than pigeons.
2. I can call Brian and tell him that I've never met anyone named Andre***, better luck with any other 10 digit number. And to kiss a flying rock, because he kind of sounded pissy.
3. I can post on this interweb a message to Andre Johnson letting him know that some pissy mumbler named Brian is trying to get in touch with him. Shoot me an email and I'll give you his actual phone number.

Also, Andre, while I have your attention, your name totally reminds me of the very last scene of Waiting for Guffman. Specifically the part where Christopher Guest talks about that Wallace Shawn movie. CLASSIC. Andre, you should really watch that movie. I think you'd like it! Waiting for Guffman, not My Dinner with Andre, although hey I don't know what you're into. But, if you're going to get messages on my phone, the least you can do is take a movie recommendation.

* I didn't understand what he said, either. (Did I catch a niner in there?)
**It's not super hard either, but it's not like my buddy Nephi's old number 4949GET, which he announced one time, and his was the only phone number I remembered when I left my cell phone at my house in Provo when I flew home for Christmas break. Obviously, years later, I still remember it. But don't try to get him on that number any more. It is some guy who got super pissed one time when I called looking for Nephi.
***The closest I've come is watching the movie Andre. OR, maybe my dad, whose name is misspelled on my birth certificate. According to that my father is someone called Andres.****
****Not Andres Johnson, lest I wouldn't necessarily need to find a chicken or to post this.

1 comment:

Britt said...

OMG just realized this is EXACTLY how my vice principal talks (minus the lisp). Haunting my thoughts. Forever.