Friday, September 30, 2011

Dear Lucille 2,

I think we need to have a conversation about your shuffling patterns. I don't like Rent or Wesley Willis nearly as much as you want me to listen to them. I'd love it if you could mix it up a little bit. But an occasional peppering of "Stop Mulling over the Mullet" would be fine.

Thanks so much,

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

GleeCap: I Am Unicorn

It's time for this week's GleeCap:

Greater than the potential Bravo show 'Real Housewives of Reno'
- Bieste is Artie's "own private Jim Henson." +4
- Glee finally showcased Chris Colfer's sai twirling skills. +8
- "First of all, smoking kills. Second, it really does make you look cooler, doesn't it?" +5
- Artie's reaction to Bieste saying she wants "a Tony who excites my lady parts." +10 plus his reaction to Blaine's song, +5. He is priceless.
- "And now, after a long day of snorting splenda and cutting class, she kills the pain the only way she knows how, smoking corn starch."  +7
- Will getting his Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society on yelling at Quinn about accountability. +12, and then Becky saying, "that was hot." hilarious. +3
- When Puck isn't fetishizing Lauren, I like him so much. "Menthol 100s, really skank?" Hilarious! And then he learned that Napolean wasn't just a dessert. +5
- The more Burt Hummel is on Glee, the more I am convinced he is the greatest dad on TV. +7
- Idina Menzel and Lea Michele are SO GOOD. While I am unwilling to suspend my disbelief on why Ms. Menzel is at WMHS, I am totally okay with her being in musical numbers. +6
- Also, Blaine is delightful. He can and should sing in every episode. +5

Less likely than someone setting up scaffolding to climb around on for an audition for a high school production of West Side Story
- Glee hires Cheyenne Jackson to be the director of that rival group, and they don't have him sing before they announce that he was fired?!? -30 please utilize your resources better.
- Mandatory booty camp is after choir practice. So, presumably choir practice is after school. When is football practice? Mike and Finn would need to be there. -13
- Idina Menzel is a part time teacher funded entirely by Al Mata? puh-lease. -20
- "I don't want to be known as Kurt Hummel: Homo" "What's wrong with that?" Brittany, you know I love you, but Kurt is multi-dimensional, (did you see him twirl those knives?) despite the fact the writers don't write him that way. No points, I'm just saying.
- I still don't believe Quinn's transformation. Writers, you are really pushing it. It's like you're out of ideas, and grasping at straws. You can do better. -12
- Blaine, who was a junior last year, said he was a junior this year. Continuity - 10 (only ten, because I like Blaine.)

I was pretty bored with this episode. It kind of felt like I was watching an episode of Gossip Girl.  At only a -8, I'm not going to commit to a strike, but I'm not exactly committed to that commitment. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Have You Heard: Lloyd radio edit

Call me a prude, but I was so excited when I heard a radio edit of Dedication to my Ex (Miss That) today. The original is just a little too crass for me.

Truth be told, if someone were to edit a film, I'd get all soapboxy and say, if you don't want to watch it, don't, but don't edit someone's art.  But movies aren't as catchy as this song. And movies generally don't drop that word 30+ times in a three minute time frame.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

stats and ecstasy.

I recently discovered the "stats" tab on the blogger dashboard. Oh, it is my favorite thing now to see how google is bringing people to find this humble little blog. But, what is alarming is the google keyword searches that have lead to pageviews.

The top five all time:
5: blogging molly
4: yo gabba gabba be nice to everyone
3: blue valentine eagle
2: paul rudd barefoot
1: what it feels like to be on molly

So, number five makes sense. Number four is a super funny song from what I like to call the hipsters' caffeinated Sesame Street. Number three kind of surprised me, I'm not going to lie. But, number two? How many people are googling the phrase "Paul Rudd barefoot"? And, why is that leading them to me? Now that I've typed it, and posted it here, ok, but there are no posts about Paul Rudd being barefoot on my blog. I like Paul Rudd fine, but I don't want to even think about his feet. And now we come to phrase number one. If I didn't know that molly was a drug, I would feel scandalized! Then I'd realize they must be talking about Molly Sims or something. But I do know that Molly is a drug. It is confused with and some say it is the purest form of ecstasy, but it's apparently different. I don't know.

I was so shocked that this was the number one phrase bringing strangers to my blog from google that I brought it up in our presidency meeting this morning. At which it was decided that I should change the name of my blog to "The Purest form of Ecstasy." While that is not going to happen, at least not today, I do think it is super funny.

That being said, to all of the druggies/inquiring minds reading my blog. I say, "hugs, not drugs" and "Get high off of life!" and "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey." But I should also encourage you, along with Michael Jordan and Mars Blackmon to stay in school!

And if you do decide to do drugs, don't do meth. I've been watching Breaking Bad, and boy howdy, that is some rough stuff.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The End of Summer*

*I almost wrote "The End of Sumer." I feel that would have been an entirely different kind of post.

I don't have a favorite season, because I really like all of them so much, how can you choose? But if I did, Summer might eek out ahead, based solely on produce. Now that autumn is here, I am definitely going to miss going out to the yard and finding some of my favorite tasty plants.

Also, summer totally wins in terms of backyard cookouts and bonfires. This year, because I'm off wheat for a little while again, I had to get a little creative with the s'mores.
Who needs Graham Crackers anyway?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Gleecap: Purple Piano Project

Glee and I are on thin ice. But I decided that we had such fun for a whole season, I should give it another shot - but we are in a three strikes scenario.  That being said, this third season opened with guns blazing. The witticisms and improbabilities were flying, so let's get down to business.

Better than Blaine Anderson's polo shirts and bow ties:
- Let's just get this out of the way up front. I love Blaine. He is so cute. His red pants, his polos, his cover of "It's not Unusual." What a welcome addition to New Directions, despite the fact that he is dating the whiny bully, Kurt. +25
- Jacob Ben Israel is so obnoxious, but he called Finn a "mediocre quarterback and a mediocre glee club lead" how accurate. +3 Then he asked Brittany what her plans were for the future, allowing her to respond, "wait, are you making a time machine too?" +5
-  Tina is out of her weird goth clothes and wearing color, and she looks great. +2
- Lauren is gone! I am so excited about that! +12, and Puck saying "She's the one who got away... really, really slowly." Hilarious. +3
- "Me and My Hag" brochure from Emma. Glee always has the best brochures. +9
- In the polling, Sue is in 9th place "behind undecided, the rapist running from prison and I don't care please don't call during dinner." +6
-"People who call themselves artists think the rules don't apply to them - it's so arrogant." says the geometry teacher. +5 even though I am sure the irony of this statement was lost on the people who make this show.
- Courtney from season four of SYTYCD is a skank. That is delightful. +2
- Speaking of, "who doesn't love the GoGo's?" "I prefer the Bangles." +3
- Brittany twirls in the food fight +6
- Sugar Mata has "self-diagnosed Asperger's" +3 (I remember this girl from the short-lived drama American Dreams, and I seem to remember her singing on that show, so I don't buy this tone-deafness.)

Lamer than glitterbombs:
- The narration isn't consistent enough within all of the episodes. Choose whether you are going to do it or not. -10 
- Finn got slushied by a guy who had a mullet circa Billy Ray Cyrus. It was OOC. He should be shaved bald, not put on television. -8 He also said, "taste the rainbow, glee-otch" which is weird. -2
- Will Schuester - don't be a perv. You're a teacher. -3
- Will and Emma make each others' lunches? Sounds about right, but it's also more than a little lame. No points, I'm just saying.
- April Rhodes' musical won a Tony? How delusional are these writers? NO! -12
- Rachel and Finn's kiss last year, was it really that big of a deal? It was ridiculous last season, and it is even more ridiculous now with their claim of 20,000 hits on YouTube. -17
- Purple Pianos? Where do I start.  They've been repossessed, and they aren't going to try to re-sell them?  And I don't believe Will has the skill-set to refinish pianos.  - 6
- Emma's Kent State reference was in really poor taste. -10
- Will saying, "I need job security." Are you not a Spanish teacher, primarily? -9
- The band is just camped out in the cafeteria near the purple piano? Do they not go to class? -25
- Anyone who tries out gets in to New Directions? What's the point of auditioning? -3
- I will ask again, until they make it clear, is Glee a club or a class? Why do you switch back and forth? Continuity is important. If I were writing a show, I would make these decisions and then post them around the writers room. You know what, coulda woulda shoulda - who wants to write a pilot with me? -20
- Rachel asked, "what's the purple piano doing here?" Never mind the 8 piece band waiting on the stage. And what was that song? Ugh. TERRIBLE. -10 (Great dress though.)
- A glitterbomb? Are you kidding me? MAN UP, Schuester! And you're really going to put that on YouTube? -14
- Quinn's cigarette is what lit the piano on fire. What did the Cheerios have planned, or is Q still in on the scheme? -6
- F- to the costumers for Harmony's dress. It's cute, but so ill-fitting and unflattering. -4
- Kurt and Rachel's pity party, I feel like I should tell them they are on one of the most popular shows on TV. But the rain in that scene was so terrible fake, I can't forgive it. -6
- "These pianos are still making music and so are we." I think I just threw up a little bit there. -14

So, even though on the according to Molly reality scale, this episode came in at a -95, it was enjoyable. Maybe because I love the song, "You Can't Stop the Beat." We're strike-free thus far.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Have You Heard: College

I was able to go see Drive this weekend, starring my celebrity crush Ryan Gosling, and it was interesting, that's for sure. It reminded me of a John Hughes film crossbred with The Godfather. I wouldn't recommend it for the faint of heart. I got made fun of for covering my eyes and turning my head, more than once. (More than once covering my eyes; more than once made fun of.) Anyway, The director Nicholas Winding Refn's use of music was deliberate and thoughtful, very Hughesian*. (His use of Christina Hendrix, not so much, in that she is woefully underused.)  I really liked a few of the songs - I mean, really liked. Particularly, "A Real Hero" By College featuring Electric Youth**

And "Nightcall" by Kavinsky

*Another very Hughesian choice was the pink cursive script that is on the movie poster, and spoiler alert all of the credits.

**I guess I'm not the only Debbie Gibson fan*** left. But that perfume smelled so, so terrible.

***Fan's probably not an appropriate word in that it is far too strong, but every once in a while I do like a little "Shake Your Love."

Can you blame me? It is a lyrical masterpiece. She must say, "Shake Your Love" 40 times. If it ain't broke, I suppose. And why write more lyrics than you have to?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

I am far from a perfect punctuater - I over comma like nobody's business. (I also make up words like "punctuater", but that is not what we're talking about right now.) But I understand the difference between a possessive and a plural and it drives me absolutely crazy when people completely reject the notion of apostrophes, or much more commonly throw it in whenever an S comes to live at the end of a word.

Today I was at Winco, a grocery store that is pretty sketchy, but also highly entertaining. I end up taking pictures of funny things I see there more than anywhere else. One time there was a box of dog food called "Moist and Meaty" with the phrase "That's what she said" handwritten on it. I promptly took a picture and sent it to everyone I know. One time there was a crate of bath mats that were essentially rag rugs made out of jersey knit, and the tag said, "Luxury Bath Rugs." That was so preposterous, I snapped up a picture. But today, there were multiple endcaps near the registers that have new (at least to my notice) signs up.
What is this sign saying, really Winco? Are you selling children as well as candy? It should go without saying that that's not legal or moral. Are you trying to say, "Kids! There's candy over here!! Come throw a tantrum until your parents buy it for you." Are you saying that this candy can only be purchased and ingested by children? Maybe old people like skittles too. If you were to add proper punctuation, I would know. But for now, I will just assume that is where you meet the sketched out guy who will sell you children on the black market. Along with some bubbletape, of course.

Friday, September 16, 2011

But Comcast, how do you really feel?

I love Turner Classic Movies. I watched about five minutes of Looking for Love before I decided I had better things to do. But also thought I should put it on my list of movies to watch for the clothes.

I had to take a picture of the merciless description of the movie.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Pauli want a Starbucks?

A while back I went to Starbucks. I placed my order, and when asked what my name was, I responded, "Molly" - you know, because that is my name - and the baristo (that is what I call male baristas,) said "Holly?", and I said, "Molly" trying to really emphasis the M. A few moments later, I received my order in this cup:

I should have taken a cue from Shara. She simplifies things by saying her name is Sarah. Right before Shara moved away, we went to Sonic for some Cherry Limeades, and she said her name was Sarah, and the person on the other side of the intercom came back with, "Hannah?*" and Shara said, "Sure." Shara rolls with the punches, and I tried to impose my will on a barista and I am met with a cup meant for a member of the Jersey Shore cast.

Hi my name is Holly, and I'd like a beverage please.

*When just I asked Shara if Hannah was the right name, she said she didn't think it was that close to her actual name, but she couldn't remember. It could have been some crazy different name like Valerie.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Have you Heard: Larry Norman

Sometimes, I feel like a heathen because I don't like enough religious music. I'm a religious person, I am a musical person, it should then follow that I would like religious music. Shoot. A + B  ≠ C in this case.

I like some hymns. I like some gospel. I like a lot of Handel. And I like Larry Norman. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Jenny I got your number.

Greatest. Stamp. Ever.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Looking forward to what the future brings.

Last night I had the opportunity of seeing a gaggle of friends from high school I haven't seen in about a decade. It was super fun to play a game of catch-up. (We literally made a game of it, each person was given a minute to sum up their life since high school, followed by a two minute period for questions. There was a timer involved.) Unfortunately for me, it was decided that I peeked on my 27th birthday. (It was also decided that my blog's url was pronounced molester, not Mollister.) Things are not looking up for Molly! haha.

On that note. One of the girls was talking about how she is being flirted with by a co-worker, and how an email from him ended with a completely-unrelated-to-the-subject-at-hand send off, "I'm looking forward to what the future brings." I do not think it is super hilarious that this sweet girl has to deal with an awkward situation, but I do think it is super hilarious that that was his chosen send off.

It is my goal to be an optimist. Or perhaps to be more vocally optimistic. And as I don't want the high point of my life to have been over and done with, I am going to start signing all of my emails to everyone, "Looking forward to what the future brings," because I am.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Have You Heard: The Elected, et al

My Labor day was spent laboring. I hung some moulding, primed and then painted the laundry room, and whilst doing that, I listened to my phone. I congratulated myself on my excellent musical taste, and thought I needed to make a mini playlist for you, my friends, instead of just sharing one or two tracks.