I was flabbergasted and of course totally flattered. And then I lied and told him I'd get right on it. Here's the thing, Tom, in order to come up with more posts in which I am scandalized and then trash people, (like the guy with the worst haircut ever,) I'd have to first be scandalized and then second write things I probably shouldn't about people with terrible hair, per se.
Let's pretend I was someone who was more often scandalized, or put in to places I could be scandalized in: then I would have far more anecdotes like the sacrament meeting molestation to share. And let's also pretend that I wasn't trying to be a nicer person, and wasn't at all concerned about receiving emails from people who don't like being made fun of: then I would unapologetically trash people as fast as my sitcom-trained mind would allow. But, as luck would have it, I don't seek out sketchy things, I am trying to be a nicer person, and like Wallace Shawn, I don't like confrontations and have thus tried to stop trashing people, at least with any detail in this public forum. So, until I decide to just stop caring and speak poorly about anyone who could potentially find this weblog, or become way more conservative or frequent super sketchy places, I'll probably not have anything like last night at FHE for Tom.
So, I will give you some links to go to posts from many, many moons ago in which I was either excessively cruel and gossipy or absolutely grossed out by other people's actions.
- The time my agnostic gay friend, my totally chill-go-with-the-flow friend, and I went to see a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. All three of us felt so uncomfortable we had to leave early, and not because of the movie.
- The time my grandmother forced my father and I (at age 13) to listen to a romance novel on a road trip to a family reunion.
- The time I compared a guy in a bar to the albino from the Princess Bride, and a guy in my ward to one of the monsters from Monsters, Inc.
- The time I talked about my brother and I giving our dad a "participation award" ribbon for his birthday.
- The time when I started this blog to put down a girl I've never met who found my initial insult of her on my old blog.
- The time I made fun of an old friend for lying about getting a hickey in my journal and then posted it on the interweb.