Sunday, February 12, 2012

Pizza Hut, why must you be so cruel to me?*

There is literally** nothing I love more than the idea of an elaborate marriage proposal. Well, maybe an elaborate marriage proposal in public, that's better. Wait again, I think it needs to be an expensive, elaborate marriage proposal, public would be best, but just as long as it takes a huge chunk of money that could have been put to a more appropriate use*** I could rally. But I certainly don't agree with the recent Sunfiltered blog post about proposals going out of control. Not at all.

The bigger the better!

Similarly, I used to think that nothing said "awesome proposal!" quite like a JumboTron at a professional sports game, with thousands of eyes on you, and all of that peer pressure to say yes, lest you be the bitchy girl that broke that poor guy's heart. But, I have changed my tune. I'm sure by now you've all heard of the $10,010 engagement package the fine people at Pizza Hut are shelling out. Talk about the perfect way to be proposed to: a limo (who doesn't love being driven around in a really big, gas guzzling car?), a videographer and photographer, a not-at-all taste specific jewel the color of pizza sauce, FIREWORKS(!), and $10 worth of pizza. Before I knew this option was even a possibility, I would have been satisfied with any other mode of proposal, but not anymore. Now I do know it's a possibility, and will subsequently never be happy without fireworks or pizza.

Image totes stolen from
But did you read the fine print****? Ay, there's the rub! Only ten packages are available?!? The package has to be purchased by the 14th, and used by the end of March?!? Pizza Hut, how am I going to find a guy in two days when I've been trying for 29 years unsuccessfully. Damn you, and your dangling of fairy tale dreams, that aren't at all the tackiest thing I've ever heard of, only to rip them away just because of the very minor fact that I don't have anyone willing to marry me, let alone spend $10,010 for a few hours' time.

Valentine's Day just surpassed Christmas as my least favorite/most depression inducing holiday. Thanks a lot, Pizza Hut.

*I wish there was a something I could do, similar to italics, to communicate sarcasm. Is there an emoticon for that?
**Literally, not figuratively or practically, LITERALLY!
***Like say, anything else...
****Also, only one package per person, so polygamists better luck with some other fast food chain. Maybe try Cupcake Gourmet - there's no fireworks, but an 8 carat diamond isn't too shabby.

1 comment:

deanna said...

Did you hear about the Outback's deal? Not as extravagant, but you get a free chicken on the barbie dinner maybe. NEXT YEAR...aim high!