Worst Song Ever

Last week my friend Annie posed the question, "what do you think the worst song ever is?" I immediately came back with "Tubthumping," or that 'hey now, you're an all star' song. Both of which were completely discounted by Annie and Becky. Then I suggested "Wooly Bully." Again shot down. We'll have to agree to disagree on the quality of those songs, and now I completely question my friends' taste levels. But as I was driving to work this morning, I heard a song. A song so terrible, I can now believe with confidence I have found the worst. song. ever. And in the spirit akin to, "this is disgusting! Try it!" I implore you to find this song and give it a listen and tell me I am wrong.

Lies I Told Today.

One of the things that I find so exhausting about being in a school environment is the hundreds of interactions I have in 7.5 hours.  Sometimes in order to make some of those interactions less awkward or as short as politeness will allow, I lie. Also, to inspire and/or relate to students I lie. Sometimes it absolutely is necessary. Even though I know I am not 'supposed' to, I told some lies today.

8:30 am- Nice to see you too!

10:00 am- That's so cool!

12:00 pm- Nice to see you too, but I've got to run.

1:00 pm- Boys like girls who are good at math.

1:30 pm- That sounds like a good plan.

2:30 pm- No judgement, but...

And chances are pretty good that I'll repeat more than one of these tomorrow.

Flow

Today I was able to have the first proper chat with my dear friend Ashley since she got back from her summer in Central America.  With the two of us it could go anywhere, so I wanted to document the subjects broached during our 84 minute conversation this afternoon. In order:

bird poop
luck
Nicole Richie
Australia
bad music
running
tendons
NPR
school
depression/anxiety
meditation
Miley Cyrus
twerking
drugs
creepy old guys
boyfriend (past tense)
Utah
how much we love Jen
boyfriend (present tense-hers)
jolly ranchers
boy
Groucho Marx
eloping

Training Wheels

My brother got some training wheels for our little brother and I played deliverer bringing them back to the Westside after trivia on Tuesday. When I told my father that I had them, he was excited and we arranged for a time for me to swing by his house to drop them off. I then said, "Why are you even putting training wheels on Isaac's bike? They're a crutch. You're enabling him. The most efficient way of him learning to not fall is by falling. I never used mine. Remember, I made you take them off, like, immediately?"* My dad was chuckling at how ridiculous I was being, saying, "I'll think about that," in a way that meant of course he wasn't going to even consider not putting training wheels on Isaac's bike. I then said, "I have no idea why I'm not married with a family of my own." My father laughed heartily at this.

Why is that funny, dad?**

*I really never used my training wheels. They were installed on my bike, but I hated the noise they made so I learned really quickly how to make them not touch the ground. That said, I was four and have no idea how long those things actually stayed on my bike. But that didn't stop me from being ashamed of them from day one.

**Reem, that was just for you.

Zen and the Art of Wallpaper Removal

For the better part of the last week I have been spending time at my grandparents' home of many, many years removing wallpaper. Some of these wallpapers have come down very easily, some...not so much. I am a huge proponent of wallpaper! huge. Even though I've spent about ten hours on a ten foot length of wall. (Concentrated chemicals will be applied to the multiple coats of wallpaper tomorrow. It is such a beast, I keep thinking, "No wonder grandma didn't remove this before repapering!") This has been an interesting experience.  Earlier this summer, through various refinishing projects done for other people, I realized that I really only like doing DIY stuff for myself. I know this sounds so selfish...but...well, it is. But hear me out. As I was refinishing these super old chairs for some people I know, for example, I realized, this is not fun, even though I charged a lot. I usually really like building or finishing stuff. But these chairs--even though they had great bones and turned out to be pretty gorgeous--I just really hated most of the experience. (Another potential occupation crossed off the list.) But this wallpaper removal, I haven't hated.

This beast of a room has actually been fairly cathartic to conquer. I have hated the top layer of wallpaper since I was a very small child. My brother and I would stay in that room on the weekends when my dad would come back from Minnesota to visit. I hated that wallpaper, but I was also terrified of my grandparents, so I tried to avoid them by staying in that room, (surrounded by dusty blue peacocks and beige flowers) as much as possible when we were at the house. It is just not my taste. Not like the gorgeous cream damask that I was sad to take down from the entry, or the gorgeous blue floral that I've convinced my entire family to let stay up and update the rest of the master bath. Well done there, Grandma. But most of the time spent taking down what I have managed to get down thus far was spent - I wouldn't say enjoying what I was doing, but I was happy to be helping people I love. Also, I think it really plays well in to the type a aspects of my personality. The more OCD/perfectionist I am about the wallpaper, the better.

As an added bonus, my grandfather is super impressed by how quickly I'm getting stuff done. Tonight when my father and I brought him a chocolate malt he said, "You know you've got the greatest daughter in the world!" What?!? I've really come to appreciate my grandfather over the past year and a half since my grandmother passed away. We talk about movies a lot*, and even joke about a certain non-blood-related relation that we both aren't particularly fond of. It has only taken my whole life, but I finally have made some headway. So there's that too.

Am I still afraid to touch anything in the house? You betcha. My grandmother might be deceased, but it is almost Christmas card season and I'd like very much to not be trashed this year.

*He has created a searchable database of all of the films he's seen since at least 1971. When I heard this I was disappointed I hadn't thought of doing that myself.

Weber Cooks

At a family dinner the other night, Ke$ha came up in conversation as Ke$ha is wont to do. (I have often said that the Venn diagram of my brother and I as far as tastes go, the only thing in the common area is The Muppets. When you throw our cousin Jill in to the mix, the common areas are The Beach Boys and Ke$ha.) As the conversation progressed, Jill was sending the lyrics of the song 'Stephen' to her friend Stephen, and Stephen had no idea what was going on. My brother said, "Oh speaking of that song, have you guys seen Weber cooks?" When we all said 'no', we opened up my laptop and watched in horror. Here was everyone's favorite Ke$ha song, being the sound track the a truly train wreck of a video. And then there were more than one.  My mom, brother and I were all horrified, and Jill was like, "Why is that gross?" It was pretty funny.

These videos are simultaneously hilarious and super, super depressing. People don't actually eat that food, right? And people don't use their microwaves that much- and with plastic, right? And, people don't actually film the saddest man on the planet making inedible foods, edit it poorly, mix the audio terribly and put it on tv, right? I think I might be wrong on all counts.

Potatoes and Creamed corn: 13 minutes of microwave use
 
1:17 notice the CU of nothing. It's my favorite part.
1:26 "And when it is done..."

Chili and Cheese Nacho dip: 4.5 minutes of microwave use

Quick note to Steven, you could spend the last 45 seconds of your segment and stir that gross junk together properly, I mean, if you wanted...

Rice a Roni: 23 minutes of microwave use

0:30 He puts the plastic knife in the "thing" with the rice into the microwave.
2:45 "You have this hot dish, that you can eat, that is made of rice."

The Spaghetti: 13 minutes of microwave use

This man has asbestos hands. He takes the glass bowl out of the microwave after ten minutes, and he took those potatoes out after ten minutes. Yikes. That said, I don't have a microwave, but I feel like 10 minutes is a long time in microwave time. Am I wrong?

have you heard: phosphorescent

obsessed.