Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Because when you share great failures you should always come back with a story of success (it's the American way):



I'm sure you're wondering how a horrible picture of a cheap trophy and a chattering teeth thing symbolizes success. I will explain.

Saturday night, Becky, Shara and I traveled to the near east* (57th & Fremont) for another one of Shanrock's trivia nights - this time, trivia based on the BBC2 office, the NBC office, and the film Office Space, and this time Shannon herself hosted. (As an aside, I would not classify myself as a great fan of the NBC office, but I have seen most of the episodes. I would also not classify myself as very knowledgeable of the BBC office or Office Space, but I did watch them both for the second time before Saturday night.)

Here's the good news, WE WON! (And I am a fan of winning!) We not only won, but we DOMINATED! We were twelve points ahead of second place, and got highest score per capita!

Our good friend Ryan is a huge office fan, but couldn't make it to the triviology because of a wedding or some other trivial (but non-"trivial") commitment, and he sent us a request to have our team name be "You've been shunned!" We of course lied and said we would, but in actuality, our team name, more befitting Shara, Becky and I was, "Damn, it feels good to be a gangster!" (If Ryan asks, please continue the falsity.) The only problem with having the name, "Damn, it feels good to be a gangster" and then getting a perfect score the first round is that it made Shara feel like we were being cocky. Maybe it was the fact that when Shannon said, "Alright, they've got the round. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster!" I responded with, "Damn right it does!" Is that conceited? hehe. We continued to win round after round, with Becky busting out "Hate ball", (and so many other answers), and my little bit of knowledge about the BBC office, like Keith saying, "Men are turned on by what they see, but women are turned on by what they hear," and then guaranteeing more than one orgasm. Shara totally knew that Creed's wallpaper was a woman breastfeeding her baby, but unfortunately we didn't trust it.

Anyway, Shannon gave us the awesome trophy which we will share,the chattering teeth toy like the one Michael has on his desk, and a gift certificate to the pub. She also took our picture and is sending it out her in weekly newsletter! WHAT WHAT!

*not a name of any of the neighborhoods in Portland. We were actually in the neighborhood of Cully. But who's counting?

Pants Not on People: Part 3

Not that any of you have read the original Pants Not on People, but, here, years later is part 3.

I passed this bus stop, saw the pants and giggled. I think it is completely apropos to the ad and the fact that we can see the zebras butt. The ad says, "See what you're missing," (that would be your pants.)






Just for fun: the lyrics to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 song, "Pants!"

Why Yes I Did...

Run over my can of poly with my car, struggled to get the lid off, and now cannot get the lid back on. How clever of you to notice.

Notes for Kyle, the Arrested D Trivia Jock:

I know you heard a lot from me last night about your “performance” but I would like to restate some of my concerns about the outcome of last night’s festivities for you now in the light of a new day, and since you’ve probably sobered up by now. (And, I promise to be a gracious loser just as soon as I get this rant out!)

1. When you steal Shanrock’s line about accepting bribes and sexual favors, you aren’t as funny as she is. In fact, when you say it, it's not at all funny, but mostly creepy and pathetic. And if you really want to be offered sexual favors, perhaps you shouldn’t be such a HORRIBLE trivia jock.

2. When you ask trivia questions, you should know the answers to them.

a. When you say “Which character was portrayed by two actresses” know that the answer is Ann, and not Marta (who was portrayed by 3 women.) And when the team, “Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution” and my team, “Neuterfest” (as an afterthought, we wanted to change our name to Girls With Low Self-Esteem…next time Adrianna, next time!) bring this up, don’t throw out the question because you’re a dummy even after you look it up on your iphone.

b. When you say fill in the 9 blanks below, and have 10 words missing out of the opening credits narration, stop drinking and focus on your counting!

c. When the answer is “…you old horny slut,” don’t drunkenly announce it as “…you horny old slut” multiple times, even after you told us we needed to be exact in the phrasing.

3. The fact that so many of us had really close scores is a sign that your questions were way too easy. (The people who left midway through the game were not true fans -- they were there for giggles, not for the competition.) It is not a sign that the last round should be something truly and completely unrelated to Arrested D, like filling in missing lyrics to Europe’s Final Countdown. You might just as well asked us about the band Arrested Development, or one of the songs by Motherboy. If you want to do Arrested Development trivia, perhaps you should have asked us the lyrics to “Teamocil,” “Big Yellow Joint,” “All You Need are Smiles,” “Get Along Little Sheep,” “Hot Cops” or even “Afternoon Delight,” whose lyrics were ACTUALLY USED IN AN EPISODE.

4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus' name is not Julia Louise Dreyfus.

5. Don’t take 3 minutes between each question. You copied Shanrock’s line, please also copy her timing, charisma and natural grace as a trivia jock.

6. Put down your drink, and focus on the task at hand.

7. Oh, and lose the hat with that shirt. They are competing patterns.

(So, we did not win. We tied with two other teams for third place. We missed one question that was arrested related, -the answer was underwear-- and that was the same question the winners Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution missed too-- all of the other points we missed, and I suspect the people who tied with us, and came in second, missed the lyrics to the Final Countdown. [angry face]. I am so angry with Kyle’s questions, there is no way I’m going to skip my hip hop class again for the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia one he’s concocting.)

Do it for the kids!

This morning, Adrianna and I went to Portland Saturday Market, among various other Portland locales. While we were leaving the market a girl stops us, introduces herself as April and shakes our hands.

"Are you guys from around here?"

Thinking that it would get us out of whatever she wanted to talk to us about, answered negatively and then straight up lied about both of us. "She's from Detroit, and I'm from Louisiana."

April then told us about her sponsorship program, while we were trying to edge away without being too rude, and when she showed us the list of countries the kids live in, I said, "I'm going to Zambia in April!"

"What are you doing there?" As she high fived me.

"You know, saving some kids."

At which point Adrianna says, "the same thing you're doing."

April then gets out a form for us to put our credit card information in. She says, "if you guys donate and put my sales number right there, a child can be in school in 48 hours! Isn't that crazy?"

I, being the jerk I am, replied, "what else is crazy is thinking we're going to give out our credit card information on the street."

"Well, we're the oldest sponsorship program in the world, we're reputable."

Adrianna, very tactfully says, "do you have a website? We'll go there."

Oh April, good luck finding a job that doesn't suck that much.


Adrianna, this is why not to go to the Clinton Street Theater for the Midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Here bunny, bunny, bunny.

Yesterday as I was driving down a road, I saw a bunny leaving a school's parking lot. Not like a wild rabbit, but somebody's white fluffy bunny pet. I turned the suburban around, left two confused three year olds in the car and went to catch the rabbit. The next few minutes went something like this:



I finally caught the bunny and went to the teacher who was on recess with his class, and I said, "does this bunny belong to you?" "No." "oh..." "One of these neighbors raises rabbits and lets them roam around. We had four in our playground this morning."

So, I let the bunny go, and went back to the suburban where two three year olds kept asking, "why'd you let the bunny go?" and "can we take it home?" Having to explain that the bunny belonged to someone else proved to be almost as difficult as trying to explain the concept of an "actor". To this day, they think that after Mary Poppins left, Dick Van Dyke moved north, had two blonde children, and then tinkered around with chitty chitty bang bang, and that Brendan Fraser moved from Africa, to Canada to be a Mounty, and then to Los Angeles where he was aided by Bugs Bunny to save his spy father, Timothy Dalton, from the evil Steve Martin.

make up the break up.

why yes, i was sent this with a list of numbers. good luck getting the list...



ok, maybe there was a 17 in the list. haha.