Wait, I'm Sorry. What? What is this?

I could not turn away from the four minutes of train wreck that is James Franco's new music video, made with a drag queen friend of his. I am so very confused by this. I think maybe homeboy should remove a few hyphens from his job title if this is the kind of stuff he's going to be pumping out.



This video makes every other bad music video I ever berated seem like the most logical and engrossing videos ever committed to film. Especially:


(Except, I still stand by this as awesome.)

James, friend, just because the technology is so accessible does not mean you need to utilize it.

A brief shout out to LaMatt

I have played several games of Words with Friends with my buddy LaMatt (not his real name, but it is a real nickname inspired by our mutual friend LaMarcus Aldridge). I usually let him lose, sometimes not giving him a shot in the dark, because I'm a mean person. (this is not news.) At the start of our most recent game, he said, "I don't know why I keep playing you." To which I snottily responded, "You're a masochist. I'm a sadist. It's a symbiotic relationship. I jest. You keep playing me because you've gotten close to wining more than once, and can't wait to wallop me on the virtual board."

After this, maybe he was inspired, and I was just not having my A-game, but he soundly beat me. And by soundly, I mean, a good 50 points. I don't think it was either of our best games, our board was set up very precariously, and we had to make awkward and short moves that didn't lend themselves well to follow-up play, but he won.

Have You Heard: Cut Copy & Ellie Goulding

 You know how so many girls have that boyfriend who comes in and shapes their musical taste to a far superior situation than Tiffany, Donny Osmond or the Monkees*?** The closest thing I've come to that is my old friend Manasseh insisting that I didn't listen to enough Bob Dylan. Now, every time I hear "You're going to make me lonesome when you go" I think of him. Not because he made me lonesome when he left, but because he was obsessed with it, and rightly so. (He also introduced me to only person named "Snake" I've ever met.)  I bring this up because I've had to mostly fend for myself as far as music goes, and by fend for myself I clearly mean depending on the kindness of strangers suggestions from friends, musicians and a pretty hip uncle. But I've been super lazy with finding new music recently. If it's not Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" I probably don't know it.  For the past few years, as so many of you who get mixes from me can attest, I've been going back in time (sadly, not literally,) to find music I love. Instead of being on the forefront like I tried so hard to be in my college years, now if my iPod had a scent it would smell like all of my vintage clothes.

The good news is, I've started to notice myself trending toward newer songs again, which is good news for someone who is in fact far too young to have been alive for any of the things I am nostalgic for. (1954-1962, I'm talking to you.)

One of these friends a couple of years ago gave me a copy of Cut Copy's In Ghost Colours. I liked how 80s and dancey  it was. (I never said I was discerning. I love Depeche Mode, The Cure and Adam Ant. LOVE.) Thanks to accidentally clicking the wrong thing on my iTunes, I discovered that Cut Copy had an album out earlier this year, and I have flipped my lid for the track, "Take Me Over." flipped.



And, because I also love good house/techno business... I was reading this month's Vanity Fair, and it told me to check out Ellie Goulding, so I did. I don't like it all, but "Lights" is one of the greatest tracks I've heard in a while.



*Two of those three I have on my iPod. I'll give you a hint. I saw the one that isn't on my iPod at the Costco gas station in Provo one time, and I thought, "How do I know him? Was he one of my professors?" It took a couple of minutes of awkward staring at the person at the pump in front of me, and someone else to go up to him and shake his hand for me to realize who he was.

**Holly, if you're reading this, I'm only sort of talking about you. ;)

Found: Avoid the Clap, Jimmy Dugan.

 This afternoon I had the opportunity to go to my mom's school and help her clean out her classroom, as she retired at the end of this year. (YEA, MOM!) I was mostly given the chore of hauling things to donate to SCRAP or DI out to the car, but I was able to offer some help "sorting" files into the recycling bin. I came across this little leaflet on STDs from the early 80s that I felt was so funny.



My favorite part? "Coming in April: Sex and the Handicapped." Not that that it is funny, it's just the biggest print on the page. And my head read it as an overly-enthusiastic radio announcer. Although, maybe I should temper that and try to read it as though they are presenting it as, "this week on a very special episode of 'Blossom'."

But my curiosity is piqued. I really want to know what that leaflet for high school sex ed students in the early 80s would have read like.

I listened to Lucille II* all day today.

Sometimes I neglect the majority of my 18,000 songs on my iPod by just listening to playlists. Ok, most times. So, I will occasionally just put my iPod on shuffle and give myself the instruction that I'm not allowed to skip a track (with the exception of spoken word, holiday or novelty songs). Today I made it through 280 of my songs, and was reminded of several songs I really like but have let fall out of rotation for one reason or another. The ones I really missed, at the risk of outing myself as a complete and utter dork (hello Ani, XTC, and Tom Lehrer), are as follows:

*Why yes, my iPod is named Lucille II.

weirdo masks and transgendered mannequins.

I have checked Fashionista on a daily basis for years. They are generally super witty and delightful, but today's post about Rachel Comey's lookbook for this year's resort season totally made my day. They shared 20 images that are all crazier than the last. From purses made out of muppets to models staring longingly into a bowling ball or holding a severed prosthetic hand, to ruining a perfectly good polka dot dress with a matching polka dot kidnapping sack to put over your head, it is just straight up crazy.
But what REALLY got me was the masks that were featured in two of the shots. 

 

 They at first reminded me of those Richard Nixon masks everyone* uses in bank robberies. (How many felonies can I rattle off in this blog post?) Then, the eye makeup and hair reminded me of Jem - as in and the Holograms. I think what then came to mind is the most accurate of correlations. (Thank you brain for forming neurological connections and then firing to help me remember such a delightful image.) Remember when I was in Zambia last year and found the transgendered mannequin? No? Let me refresh your memory. 

Now, I'm not sure what his situation in life was, but clearly that beard is drawn on, just like that sunflower beard in kooky old Rachel Comey's lookbook. Does he remind anyone else of Ricky from "My So-Called Life?"


*Clearly I'm prone to hyperbole. Not "everyone" robs banks.

Vegan Chocolate Ice Creams

I am not a vegan. I'm not even a vegetarian. But I do believe that there are many reasons to generally avoid animal products a good deal of the time - for me religion, the ecologic impact and trying to avoid animal cruelty are good enough reasons to find alternatives. Plus, while I love ice cream and cheese - dairy products are just weird. I don't like to think about it too much. But let me climb down from this soapbox and share with you two recipes for vegan chocolate frozen goodness.

I made the first one for our Relief Society's Ice Cream Social last week. I literally just googled "vegan chocolate ice cream" and found a vegan rocky road that I altered.  But instead of tasting ice creamy - it tasted like a sorbetto (the more intense and flavorful version of a sorbet. home girl knows her ice creams.) and it was super chocolatey.

Vegan Chocolate Sorbetto
3 cups coconut milk
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 T arrowroot
1 t vanilla extract
1 t chocolate extract

Combine 1/4 cup coconut milk with arrowroot powder in a small bowl and set aside. Put remaining 2 3/4 cup of the coconut milk in a saucepan with sugar and chocolate chips over medium heat, stirring enough to not burn the chocolate.  Have the mixture just come to the boiling point, then remove from heat. Immediately add arrowroot mixture and vanilla and chocolate extracts. Stir until well incorporated. Then chill completely and put it in your ice cream maker.


Then last night, I was hanging out with my good buddy Birgitte and she made almond milk chocolate ice cream that was SO, SO, SO tasty. I thought about going back over today to steal some more. She was good enough to email me her recipe.

Chocolate Almond Milk Ice Cream

2 c almond milk-- chocolate is best

3/4 C sugar

1/3 cup cocoa powder

1/2 tsp vanilla

1/4 tsp xanthum gum

 

Combine  1 cup milk, sugar and cacao in a saucepan over medium heat.  Whisk to get the cocoa and sugar to dissolve.  Bring to a slow boil.  Remove form heat and sit for one minute.  Mix in the rest of the milk and vanilla extract.  Pour into blender, add xanthum gum into blender. Mix for 1 minute.  (Here's where Birgitte was so much smarter than me. To cool it off, she poured the mixture into a shallow pan and put it in the freezer for a few minutes. Worked like a charm.) Pour into ice cream maker.

 

Two totally different textures and depths of flavor, two totally delightful ice cream substitutes. 

I'll believe it when I see it, cookie.

The F-book.

I got on Facebook for the first time in a VERY long time last week. I went to remind my friend Joanna to start a group on Facebook that she'd mentioned a few times. I thought "why not remind her in a place where she can do something about it".  I proceeded to chide her, completely inappropriately, and then I remembered that I never shared that amazing quote from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with Mandi that I meant to. I posted: Well, if my cathedral of cutting-edge taste holds no interest for your tragically Canadian sensibilities, then I shall be forced to grant you a swift exit from the premises... and a fast entrance into hell!  to her wall. (P.S. in what kind of perfect hipster universe are Jason Schwartzman and Mikey Cera fighting over a girl? In Scott Pilgrim, that's where.) Then, I saw that my friend Jen sent my old friend Kristen a message about Kristen's moving to the East coast. This led to me going to a bunch of friends' pages and wrote messages - basically did a little fbook stalking, and wasted away the hours until I could fall asleep. 

What has been amazing is in the days since my little venture on to Facebook, so many of my friends have made comments about how I was "all over Facebook" the other day, and how surprised they were to see that.  I don't think I'll get on the good old fbook again for awhile, but I remember now why it was so much fun back in the day.

Found: #1 Food 4 Mart

While driving to work the other day, I drove by the #1 Food 4 Mart. I'm not really sure what it means, but I'm glad to see that not only can that neighborhood boast of a discount gun store so close by, but they also have the #1 something! They really lucked out there.