Apparently, I really am a Mormon.

--and a snob.

I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for ever, but as you know, dear readers, I am not a very conservative person. I'm not as liberal as they come by any stretch, but I definitely lean left. I think religion - in most forms - is here to make people better citizens of humanity. I have a very laissez-faire approach to the religious beliefs of myself and others, thinking that if we do what we can to work out our own salvation, in whatever way we see fit, the rest will fall into place. And, I think too frequently orthodoxy replaces the necessity of thinking, ruminating and decision making. Somehow, I reconcile these beliefs into the person you know, and have grown to tolerate.

A typical Sunday at church sees me judging someone for faulty logic or just plain irrationality, and let's be honest, bad dress or hair. Then there comes the inevitable guilt of thinking that judging inside of church is somehow worse than outside of church. I often feel, much to my own doing, like an outsider. I don't chat up a lot of people at church because I just don't care to. I fancy myself a socially-challenged snob and a wannabe intellectual-liberal who sees things differently than most of my LDS fellows. This, however, came to a screeching halt today.

My dear friend Brittney, whom I have known since our Girls' Camp days and who is my source for 90% of the things I access on this interweb, told me about the Belief-O-Matic. It is a quiz that you can take that tells you where you fall on the spectrum based on 20 questions.

Here's the truth, I was anticipating getting a pretty high score on Seventh Day Adventist, or maybe some reform Judaism, some Baha'i. Here's what I got:

1. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (100%)
2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (96%)
3. Jehovah's Witness (92%)
4. Liberal Quakers (82%)
5. Unitarian Universalism (79%)
6. Baha'i Faith (76%)
7. Sikhism (75%)
8. Reform Judaism (74%)
9. Orthodox Judaism (73%)
10. Orthodox Quaker (69%)
11. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (67%)
12. Jainism (59%)
13. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (59%)
14. Mahayana Buddhism (59%)
15. Neo-Pagan (59%)
16. Hinduism (58%)
17. Islam (58%)
18. Theravada Buddhism (58%)
19. New Age (53%)
20. New Thought (49%)
21. Secular Humanism (49%)
22. Seventh Day Adventist (47%)
23. Eastern Orthodox (46%)
24. Roman Catholic (46%)
25. Scientology (40%)
26. Taoism (39%)
27. Nontheist (31%)

I wanted to include all of these results because I said to my Mormon friend Brittney who got Orthodox Judaism before Mormonism, "I bet I'll get Seventh Day Adventist." I said that. And there it is, sad little #22, with its 47%, and Mormon, loud and proud with 100%. I even took this quiz twice. Same results. I'm not disappointed by any means. I'm just shocked that despite my own religious conviction and all of the wonderful, enlightened, and bright LDS folks I have met over the years, a computer validated which building I drive to on Sunday afternoons.

As an aside, I read an article today on Mormons and blogging, and would like to stress that this little blog is not intended to be a Mormon blog, notwithstanding the quote that closed the article: “It’s such a big thing with our church that probably 90 percent of the girls I know have blogs,” [Peter Priesthood] said. “It’s a way of documenting their lives, but it’s also about validation. You get noticed, and they like that.”

As another aside, if I weren't trying to stop over-using the phrase, "punch him in the esophagus" I would write a quippy comment on how I would like to do said action to that Peter Priesthood twerp.

The Last to Know.

I always assume I am the last person in the western world to figure things out or be introduced to things. But just in case...

Have you tried the so-called "Captain Crunch Frapp" at Starbucks? It tastes, I am told, exactly like Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries. (I had a bad experience with the Captain as a child - and by child, I mean my freshman year of college - and I have never tried the Crunch Berry variety, but I can vouch for this little beverage in being very sweet and tasty - or as Fergie would say "tastey".) Here's how you order it: Strawberries & Cream Frappuccino, one pump of hazelnut, one pump of toffeenut. If you are idiotic enough to get a venti, go with two pumps of each syrup. This is not an everyday beverage, not by a long shot, but as a nice treat every once in a while, delightful!

And, have you seen the commercial Sofia (who can do no wrong) Coppola did for Miss Dior Chérie? It started airing a couple of months ago, primarily during Gossip Girl, but with the advent of DVRs, I think a lot of people have missed this little beauty. I can't seem to get enough of Brigitte Bardot or the New Wave doused ad. Who wouldn't love Maryna Linchuk in that dress flying away with balloons a la le ballon rouge?

Targets and Martians.

I found a couple of really fun things recently, and thought I should share.
First, I found this amazing book at Powell's.



I am always looking for creative ideas to do with the kids, and I think this week we'll probably have to make this one:



Also, I found this card at a shop on Mississippi Ave. made by Portland local, Carla C. Cain.





Inside it says, "Draw you a target?"

Oh so true.

The Life and Death of a Crush, or Just About Par for the Course.

It's silly how we met, no? Driving down 26, I noticed your car. I have a thing for Karmann Ghias, did you know that? That will be something we laugh about years from now. In a flash, I remembered that episode of Ally McBeal when she ran into a guy's car just to get to talk to him. She certainly had balls. (Just so you know, I like your car too much to ram into it on a freeway.) Instead, I sped up a little to promote a little eye contact.

oh. molester 'stache. deal breaker. Have a nice day, sir. By the way, I like your car.

Koalas.

I'm not alone in how I've been affected by the fires in Australia. It is absolutely heartbreaking. But I wanted to share this news story I heard yesterday on Weekend Edition that left me in tears. I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I went to NPR's website to listen to it again, I read this: "The koala carer featured in this report reminds me that hidden within every story of human-induced tragedy and mayhem are stories of intense human caring. Behind the reports of war carnage are families taking in homeless children; behind arson fires are individuals caring for wounded fellow creatures. Remembering this can protect one from becoming a complete misanthrope in the face of human events." I hope that we can all experience this level of caring and being cared for at some point.

When you have 4 minutes, go and listen to this.

Also, if you haven't seen the video of the firefighter giving a koala water, you should check that out as well. Don't you just love koalas? I love them.

To donate to the Australian RSPCA, go here.

Stay safe.

Mother Chuck-er!

I have admitted before that I watch Gossip Girl. I feel no shame in this, because I don't actually really like the show most of the time. I watch it socially. And hello, beautiful clothes, (except on Jenny).

Last season, my friend Becky would always say how much she liked Chuck/Ed Westwick. I thought she was crazy! He dressed REALLY well, but I was just not feeling him. (My choice was Rufus, or as you probably know him, Captain Spiers from Band of Brothers.) Then I saw Son of Rambow and liked Ed Westwick in it, but still not digging on him past his wardrobe. Second season of Gossip Girl came with Chuck having longer hair, and this was a huge improvement. Then Bart Bass died, and BOY HOWDY did I fall for Chuck! For the three episodes following Bart's untimely demise, Chuck was crazy angry and drugged and oversexed. I have since become mildly concerned over my poor judgment - but only mildly, especially considering a large portion of the female population is obsessed with a fictional vampire. Chuck/Ed Westwick resident brooding bad boy on the CW is just a trashier version of Wuthering Heights' brooding lover, Heathcliff, alleviating me from feeling any sort of insecurity about this attraction. AND, Wuthering Heights has been voted the best love story ever by the New York Public Library and The Guardian, so aside from my weekly viewing of a show on the CW, I'm ok. (This has just sparked an idea, a modernized twist on Miss Bronte's classic, a la Clueless, with Ed as Heathcliff. I will make so much money!) (And no I didn't call Emily Bronte "Miss Bronte" because I couldn't remember which sister wrote it, thank you very much.)

To my excitement, there was a little article on him in this month's Teen Vogue, (No I don't subscribe.) (Yes I do.) with a photo of him looking all attractive. I was going to post it on here for Becky, but lo, guess what I found in Harper's Bazaar.

You're welcome, Bex!

P.S. How hot is Helena Christensen? Does this remind anyone else of the super hot GQ spread with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Claudia Schiffer?

Molly the Grouch.

This may strike some of you as a falsehood, but I can be patient and kind, and I am really, pretty good with kids*. I always know when I'm grouchy that I need to be extra patient with the kids. They are going through this Barney "Imagination Island" phase** which is driving me crazy. I hide the video, convince them we should play with legos, play doh, crayons, or go "on a walk" on the treadmill downstairs (all four of us at once, it is hilarious) but today they found it somewhere, and so I decided to let them watch it for a little bit.

I knew I was grouchy when Shawn, the obnoxious red haired kid, sang something about how he hoped an elephant wouldn't step on him, and I responded, you're the only one, kid. For the rest of the day I tried really hard*** to be patient, and it worked out really well. Then, during nap time, I hid the video again. Let's see you try to find it this time, kids! [insert evil laugh here]





*except for 7-13 year olds, I just don't like them.
**in their defense, it's not really a phase, they like Mary Poppins and Charlie & Lola a lot more than Barney. Barney is a sometimes thing.
***Shawn is much more obnoxious than my three friends.

Beautiful, just like you!

Because even in these horrible world-wide conditions, we need some optimism when it comes to humanity. Here are some examples.

Heidi reminded me of this movie, which I already blogged about, but here it is again, because it is outstanding. Go watch this clip from Young@Heart.

I found this short film by Michelle Lehman. I think it is amazing.

The Eyeliner Discussion

**Straight, non-emo-rock-star-boys need not read.

Recently, my friend Gemma and I were talking about makeup. How we both love it, buy way too much of it, and while we should feel remorse about it in the current state of the world, guess what, we don't. Since I tend to have this conversation with everyone I know, I thought I would post my (years of) research here, for those of you who aren't as obsessive and vain as I am.

Eyeliner might be the single greatest non-essential-to-survival idea ever. It is magical. God bless you, Ancient Egyptians!

I have been known to say, "I never met a black eyeliner I didn't like," though, there are some that I like a lot more than others. I grade on pigment, ease of application, and how well it wears. Here's what I like:


1. Benefit BADgal Eyeliner is a great kohl pencil. It is super black, and goes on very easily. And boyhowdy is it versatile! It is really great for a smoky eye, but despite it's seemingly huge tip, it can go on really cleanly and thinly. This is an awesome eyeliner.

2. Laura Mercier Eyeliner. You know how when people are in deep and passionate love with someone they feel as though words are insufficient to express their love? This is how I feel about Laura Mercier. My relationship with her started with this eyeliner and her flat liner brush. Seriously, seriously, everything I wanted to accomplish with a liquid liner, but never could quite get, happens every time without stress, mishap or need for q-tips. It is not as black as the other items on this list, but wears and applies so flawlessly, it is to be praised.

3. MAC Fluidline in Blacktrack Like Laura Mercier's, you need a flat liner brush to put this on, but that means it is foolproof. This is waterproof, so, it is perfect for those nights you go clubbing, or as a base for false lashes. If I liked waterproof eyeliner, I'd use this everyday.

4. Revlon ColorStay Liquid Eye Pen in Blackest Black Here's one you can buy at Target for five dollars! I like how black this is, and how easy it is to do the cat eye look (which is so hot this season) with this. That being said, I find it awkward to use the pen because it flows best when the tip is pointed down, and I am more used to doing the opposite. (MAC also has a pen, the tip is softer, but it is not as black as this Revlon goodie.)

5. Mary Kay Liquid Eye Liner This is very black and applies really smoothly, but I wouldn't recommend it for a cat eye look without Benefit's She Laq because it fades away.

And just because this seems to come up also, the only two mascaras worth using are Diorshow and Maybelline Colossal Volum. People will tell you that these are the same, but they are not. Colossal Volum is thicker, and wetter. It takes longer to dry, so if you find yourself sneezing from the talc in your other make up, keep q-tips handy. They both layer really well, giving amazing results, they both take me from being little Molly no-eyes to someone who has eyelashes, and that is a feat. Colossal Volum is harder to get off, even with wonderful eye makeup removers, which I find obnoxious. My friend Beckie once said that she thought the key to perfect mascara application is starting with thorough removal of the old mascara. I think that is spot on, so yes, I am a Diorshow girl. A couple of my other friends swear by Benefit's BADgal Lash, but I am not as taken with that. Tarte curler + Diorshow = goodness.

What do you think? What do you like and use? Do you have as fervent a love for black eyeliner as I do? Or are Gemma and I the only ones who care about these frivolous things?

And now I will impersonate Dorothy Kilgallen*

For some gossip:

For real, Christian Bale?

Why I might see he's just not that into you. So funny!

Remember when the Academy Awards were so desperate for viewers they started coming up with the lamest ideas ever?

And can I just give a shout out to S for turning in that creepy teacher that is having a Mary Kay Letourneau relationship with Lonely Boy? What a slut. Too bad that story line is going to be milked for a few episodes. Bring back Chuck & Blaire!

*Dorothy Kilgallen was a journalist who had a Broadway gossip column and got into lots of feuds with lots of people. She covered serious things too, and was killed because she was about to divulge information on JFK's assassination. Talk about a scandal.

"What are you listening to?" "Rick Astley..."

The other day I got "Rick Roll'd", and by the other day, I mean a long while ago, but I forgot about it until Mr. Astley came on my iPod today. It was a strange experience, I didn't really know what they were goofing at until I realized something, Rick Astley isn't black!

Let's back pedal for a second. You do know who Rick Astley is, you just don't know you do. He sings the "never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you" and a song that sounds eerily similar, "together forever and never to part, together forever we two, and don't you know I would move heaven and earth to be together forever with you."

When these songs came out, he was not only not black, but he was a scrawny 21 year old white kid with red hair. I have officially lost all faith in my audition, which I used to consider a gift, oh well. More power to you, Rick!

Click here to watch the "Never Gonna Give You Up" pop-up video!