AP English writing exercise

I was going through some of my journals today, and I came across a truly pathetic piece of writing from the first semester of my senior year. It was an activity where one person starts a narrative and it is passed along the row and each person adds a few sentences in a minute or two and then off to the next person. I think we must have been working on descriptions, because these are some flowery little sentences. Holy Adjectives!

Three out of the four additional contributors to my story were my best friends that year; the fourth was a quiet, unassuming and very nice young man. I would venture to say that all of us were fair writers, but somehow we turned out some real drivel.  I remember the day we wrote this. Mine was the only little story that ended up so ridiculously. We all giggled hard when we shared these in class. I'm sure Mrs. Hayes rolled her eyes. And because it is so terrible...why not publish it on the internet?

Molly: The North Carolina air was hot and heavy. The only respite came from a coastal breeze that blew the sea's mist up to a new home in the never ending blue sky. The scalding sand under

Reem: my feet. An attractive boy tanning near by. His crystal clear blue eyes and defined biceps caught my attention immediately. He took the lotion and lathered it up through his long slender fingers. I imagined the cool relief the lotion brought him in the heat.*

Brittany: He was like a god with a strange aura about him. I had never before seen such a person. He had a mysterious rugged look to his messy blonde locks. For a moment he seemed frozen in time: a perfect still life. 

Julie: Our eyes met and the intensity of his gaze could have moved mountains. I remained rooted where I stood, like a ship anchored to the strong cliffs of the shoreline.

Peter: As I drew closer to this god-like man, he began to open his luscious lips to say that he wanted to take me away in his arms. I realized...

Peter sure was a good sport.  I wonder what realization he would have had this protagonist come to.  I guess we'll never know.


*I think I know where the shift in tone happened.