Sex and the City: The Trailer.

Michael Patrick King, you have GOT to be joking.

Have you seen this trailer? I'm not talking about the delightful teaser trailer that left us hot and bothered. I am talking about the 2 minute 29 second long trailer that has been upsetting me since the moment it came into my consciousness. The first 14 seconds are superb. If you haven't seen the rest, don't watch it and stop reading.

Carrie narrates 45 seconds in, "but REAL LIFE, always has a twist." Um, Carrie, this is not real life, this is fiction. We do like twists in fiction, but not in advertisements. You told us too much!

When Charlotte starts reading the announcement of how Carrie and Big are going to get married...it starts a LONG downward spiral of spoilers, which I only pray are red herrings (like Communism). For instance, we know, (because we read the People article with the first pictures from the set months and months ago) that Charlotte isn't actually pregnant, but that it's a dream sequence...unless they were lying there too. OH DAMN THEM!

Why is Miranda making fun of Carrie and Big's on-off relationship when she and Steve broke up just as many times? Why would they show us Big jilting Carrie? Why would the ruin this for us? And, why would they put India.Arie's version of "The Heart of the Matter" under all of this? "I think it's about forgiveness, even if...you don't love me anymore?" Who doesn't like a little Don Henley, and India is a talented lady, but OH NO THEY DIDN'T!

But I think the thing that is most vexing, is that they insinuate that Steve cheats on Miranda: "It didn't mean anything, it just happened once." Steve can't cheat on Miranda. Steve was THE GOOD GUY throughout the whole series. The devoted, loving, yin to her yang (and yes, I know that yin is feminine and yang is masculine.) My romantic optimism weighs in the balance.

So maybe this is real and they've spoiled the whole movie for the millions of women and gay men who will go out in droves to see it opening weekend, or maybe, if we're lucky, they shot fake trailer material - think Lindsay Lohan & James Franco's fake trailer in The Holiday. But then again, don't because that trailer was awful and that movie was AWFUL, very unlike our SATC:TM, right MPK & SJP?

By the way, their clothes in the trailer are FABULOUS.