blogging molly

Have You Heard: Doctor's Orders

2012-01-24T07:49:00.000-08:00

One of the like four questions Annie and I got wrong last week at the Sex and the City trivia night was about this song:

Doctor's Orders by Carol Douglas on Grooveshark

I think this song is hilarious, and I will now always remember this song. I will think of Charlotte drunk on the dance floor in Staten Island lip-syncing the words. Even more hilarious.

And just so you know, we did leave with a trophy. And some condoms. That's right, kids, Molly Mormon and her friend Annie, the good little Catholic girl won condoms at a Sex and the City trivia night.

Lest you think we watch this show all the time... I've only seen most of the episodes twice. In college my roommate Kristen got me hooked on the show, but being someone who is far more comfortable with randomness than myself, would rent the DVDs from blockbuster by what they had in stock, not by chronology. I hopped on her SATC train very late, and watched a couple of the seasons with her, thinking I had seen most of it. Years later, I was talking to my friend Becky about our common love of the show and she kept mentioning episodes I hadn't seen. She lent me her set of DVDs and I went through and watched what I previously hadn't seen. Then last year, I asked Bex to borrow them again so I could watch them in chronological order - but confession, I started in the middle of season two, because I really dislike season 1. To prepare for the trivia night I watched seasons one and two again. But narratives just stick in my brain. Books, movies, tv shows. My brain likes stories.

It wasn't a clear domination like it was on The Office and Mad Men. The physical challenge was to give the trivia jock our best Kim Cattrall come hither look, and while both of us couldn't even begin to do that, I earned us points by verbally propositioning her instead. I quoted Samantha from the episode "The Drought." I won't go in to any more detail than that, but it was super funny.

You look familiar...

2012-01-23T20:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at church, a girl who just moved in to my ward said, "you look really familiar" after I introduced myself to her. She then said, "I think I remember you from camp." "Really?" "Are you a singer?" "Um, I guess so." "And you didn't talk one year*, and were in charge of campfire?" "WOAH! You're amazing!" While I don't expect people to have this level of neurological connection when they say, "you look really familiar," I am totally impressed by her.

A couple months ago I ran into someone from high school (I'll give you a nickel if you can tell me whether I recognized them or not.) They said, "you look really familiar." Then gave me three choices of how I could know them. Linfield College, Willamette Athletic Club, or some popular Christian church in town. When I said, unfortunately, I don't have any associations with any of those places, they offered up AHS. While I have no recall of this person, they were able to put two and two together. Through a process of elimination and some collaboration, together we were able to discover how they knew me.

The receptionist at the school I've been at for the last three weeks looks really familiar to me, but I cannot put her in to any sort of context that makes sense, so I haven't brought it up. That's how I roll.

Let's contrast these with a woman I met today at work. She was subbing for a teacher in the building, and during afternoon recess, as I'm trying to check my email, she was just chatting away about a whole lotta nothin** at me (already I knew we were not about to be besties.) "You look really familiar," she said, and then nothing more, but just waited for me to recognize her. I said I didn't know her, as politely as possible, but again, homegirl over here was trying to read her email. She said she must know me, but again offered no context clues for how I might know her. She then asked me where in the district I usually sub. "Well, I do a lot at [specific middle school] and [specific high school] but other than that, it's pretty much all over. I've been here for three weeks." Then she really made me crazy. "So you like older kids more than younger kids." "I guess so. Little kids are cute, but they are a little needy." "That's what I love about them.*** You must not be a mom.**** You're at [specific middle school] a lot, do you know [person's name?]" "They work at [specific middle school]?" "No, he's an 8th grader." "Nope, I don't." (Because with 800+ students in the school, someone who occasionally subs there should know specific students? Who is this woman?) (Also, I'm still trying to read my email.) She then went back to how she just has to know me, and waited for me to do the investigative legwork and offer up details about my life. (I'll give you another nickel if you can tell me whether or not I cared to do that. I'm already not the most forth-coming person ever, but if it's someone that I don't even want to be talking to... well goodnight and good luck.) Suffice it to say, the mystery of how codependent jerk wad knew me goes on unsolved. And if I ever see this woman again, (and recognize her - there's the rub) I'm going to walk the other way.

* I did a vocal fast for six weeks in high school, and that included a week at girls' camp. Yes, I didn't talk at all for six weeks.
** This was beyond small talk. I fine with, some pleasantries, but then let's just go our separate ways.
*** I wanted to say, "Ok, codependence."
**** Bitch.

I Think Therefore I'm Single

2012-01-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

I saw a bumper sticker today that said, "I think therefore I'm single." Initially I was taken aback. When I come up with reasons why I'm single, of which there are several, the fact that I think has never made that list. I have my fair share of flibbertigibbet moments, but if I'm being honest, I think every second of every day. Could thinking really be a liability to coupledom- (You act like bumper stickers never send you into an existential crisis.) (Or in to rage blackouts.) or maybe it's just the way that the person driving that car thinks as to why she's single? Maybe it's commentary on guys liking girls who aren't very complicated? In any case, I don't get it. Add that to the list of bumper stickers I'll never put on my car.

Actual Journal Entry: December 17, 2005

2012-01-18T02:12:00.000-08:00

I used to have a mind that would remember everything, (and I would document it all). Either my brain is faltering (which is totally the case) or I subconsciously decided I didn't need to remember every detail about every little thing. Now a days, well, the old grey mare she ain't what she used to be. I went scouring through a couple of my old journals tonight looking for a specific entry, which I didn't come across, but I did find a whole lot from 2005 that, had I not been reminded of it happening, I would have completely forgotten and not been worse for it. This is one of those instances. It is so Jr.-High-ridiculous it's sad:

7:35am - In the Sky
Last Friday I was training this new girl Lindsay at the Good Earth ... She decided Mason and I were either already dating and hiding it, or that a romance was blossoming before her very eyes! Now, I know I have a soft spot for charmingly egotistical republicans -- I've been trying to rid myself of this serious character flaw since the Republican moved away -- but this guy, no. He goes to UVSC and has a bone to pick with me simply because I'm from Oregon. Anyway, I laughed off Lindsay's claims, but she just kept saying, "you guys just have a lot of chemistry." As we were counting out I told Liz, and apparently Liz decided that Mason should know. The next time I saw him, Mason said, "So we have chemistry, huh?" "Well I don't think so, at least not with each other." We spent a few minutes laughing and talking behind the manager's desk, and apparently that was all it took for every other employee at the store to decide that we were in fact in a relationship. By Tuesday it was a well-known fact that we were an item, and apparently he and I are adding fuel to the fire by admitting our couple status and then making up bold-faced lies to support the fictitious claims. The fact that I hugged Aaron good night at the store-- and oh looks I got when Randy walked up to me yesterday and said, "embrace me." If these kids only knew it was Randy I was with until three Thursday night, not Mason. Also, pretty sure Randy's gay.

...

After I got off of work last night I sent Nephi a message asking him what he was doing. He responded with such a great text; I'll document it once we've landed and I can turn my phone on again (yes, I remembered to bring my phone this time, and yes, it is still functioning quite well despite its trip through the washing machine.) It was something like, "I'M WRITING. That's as monolithic as I can make that appear. One guess as to whether monolithic was in my cell's predictive text." I told him I needed to give him Arrested season one before I head home. Just in case it proves to be too off-color for him to enjoy, I also lent him Chuck Dugan is AWOL, which is a total boy book. He and Rick came over to hang out with Jen and I. Nephi, like the good egg he is, left at curfew, and then Rick came to my room to chat while I packed. I just adore those guys! (And, I'm pretty confident that they know nothing about the crazy "Life as a House" activities Randy was telling me about that take place in that park by I-15. Not gay.) Anyway, while we were talking, Rick told me to stop being so concerned with "leagues." I told him I'd stop thinking leagues were the sole way the world functions as soon as the gas station stops being the place where I get the most attention from men.

Have you heard: Elvis Costello & The Attractions

2012-01-17T00:03:00.000-08:00

I got an email last week about an upcoming Elvis Costello concert here in PTown. I've never really gotten in to Elvis Costello, like ever before. Frankly, I didn't see what all of the fuss was about. In trying to decide if I wanted to attend said show, I went to Lucille 2 and searched for the Elvis Costello songs I already have. Songs like "Alison," "Watching the Detectives," "Radio Radio," and a few truly mediocre covers. None of which I find outstanding. (I really like the organ on "Radio Radio" though.)

But then, I had a song called "Pump It Up," I have no idea where it (or any of these other songs really) came from, (maybe my brother?) but it's been on Lucille 2 for as long as I've had it...years.

I feel like I need to do some more research on old Declan MacManus and find out if there are more ditties that I would love as much as I love "Pump it Up." Any suggestions?

so, tonight at FHE...

2012-01-16T22:01:00.000-08:00

actually, how about some back story?

A while back as I sat in Sacrament meeting trying to focus, I got distracted by some commotion. Someone came in late and found a seat next to his friends. This wouldn't be shocking, disturbing, or noteworthy if what I'm about to relay didn't happen. (Those who are easily shocked or offended, please stop reading right now.) As one friend crawled over his buddy to get into the pew, (ugh, this is so gross) and his legs were apart, the seated friend took his fist (oh my gosh, why I am documenting this?) and jammed it up his friend's butt. Not a playful tap, no, it was a full-powered, homoerotic fisting. To say that I was scandalized would be fair. I had never before witnessed anything like that, let alone one at church, in the middle of Sacrament meeting no less. YIKES. Unable to control myself, I let out an audible gasp, and immediately turned my attention back to the speaker. One of the bishopric members made eye contact with me and shot me a quizzical look like, "what just happened?" I just shook my head quickly and then tried my hardest to erase what I had witnessed from my brain. (I obviously succeeded.)

Tonight, in talking to a couple girls I adore and don't get enough time with, we started talking about who they had crushes on. One of the girls said she sort of had a crush on a guy, let's call him Leif. (Unlike most of the times I say that, Leif is not his name.) They were meeting later tonight to hang out. I asked her who Leif was. (I try my hardest to know who all of the girls are for my calling, but aside from a very select few, I don't really have any interest in any of the guys in my ward, platonic or otherwise, so I know like 20 guys' names.) She tried to describe Leif, and when we were talking about where in the chapel he sits every week, and she said the exact location where the sexual harassment took place, I knew it couldn't be one of those guys so I told them the story of what I witnessed. "No," I said, "the guy that did it has like the worst hair cut ever. Like Caesar bangs and way too short on the sides. He and his friends sit there every week and act all too cool for school. It can't be that guy." Our third friend was pretty convinced these guys were one and the same. I would never guess that this charming, bubbly girl could like the crude, too cool for school, bad hair cut guy. To settle the debate, we went to the clerk's office to look at a photo directory. Sure enough, as soon as I came to Leif's picture, I knew it was the same guy. I then scoured the book trying to find the victim of the assault. He too was exactly who our third friend said it was.

So, I lied. I pointed out the victim, but never named who the assailant was. After I left, I shot the third friend a text, "Don't tell Dottie,* but Leif WAS the perv." She then replied, "I totally knew he was! The minute you started talking about him I knew exactly who he was! Eek, we need to get her away from him!"

Should I tell Dottie that I lied and Leif is the creeper in question, or should I just mind my own business for once? I don't think she reads my blog...but in case she does, Hi, Dottie!

*Her name isn't really Dottie. But wouldn't it be crazy awesome to know that there was someone under 80 named Dottie?

Put a Bird on It!

2012-01-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes people are so wholly converted to an idea that they cannot help but try to share that idea with everyone they come in contact with. I can be still no longer.

While birds were exhaustively trendy last year,* when Carrie and Fred said, "Put a bird on it," by "it" they didn't mean nappy trying-to-be-sexy-messy-bun-but-really-just-unkempt hair. And they certainly didn't mean a 3 dimensional bird swiped from a wreath of artificial flowers bought at Michael's.

Also, Portlandia isn't funny.

*Birds are over. So are fake mustaches on sticks.

Passive Aggressive Matchmaking.

2012-01-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

I love Emma by Jane Austen. That is probably the only thing you need to know as far as background goes for this anecdote.

A few weeks ago, I decided that my friends Rick and Rachel would be perfect for each other, despite the fact that Rick lives in SLC, and Rachel Portland. I was talking to Rick on the phone and told him a little bit about Rachel. Some of my reasons were that neither of them are agoraphobic nor extroverted*, they are both super funny and sarcastic, and they both delight in making me feel foolish. We talked about how they both grossly under utilize the DVD aspect of Netflix, one has had some Chinese film for like three years, the other had Inception for about six months last year before getting around to watching it.

He didn't seem super anxious to be set up.** But of course, I persisted. I sent them both the same email briefly introducing them, and then let it be.

Then I didn't hear from either of them for a long while, despite the fact that I texted and called both of them. I began to fear that they were annoyed with me. I was more concerned with Rachel being upset than Rick, because Rachel is our RSP and I, her first counselor - that's probably not a relationship that should be rife with animosity.

So Rachel finally acknowledged my existence and of course delighted in telling me that she was really enjoying seeing how long she could go without talking to me, just to keep me on pins and needles. So tonight, I sent Rick an email:

Thank you so much for acknowledging my previous texts, your receipt of my Christmas card, and my existence! You're so thoughtful that way.

Fact: after I sent that last email to you and my friend Rachel, whom I still say would be a good match for you, I didn't hear from Rachel either. And, it wasn't until a previously planned movie night with the rest of our presidency that she talked to me, despite my calls and texts to her. She wasn't angry at all, but she thought it would be hilarious to see how long she could go without talking to me since I called her and left a couple messages asking if she was upset with me.

Just another reason why I think you should email her. You two clearly derive the same sick joy out of treating me poorly.

If you don't however wish to pursue any sort of potential for eternal companionship, or a new friend who is super funny, that is fine. I'll leave it alone. But at some point you really should answer your friend's texts.

I stand by the fact that these two crazy kids would be a really good match. I'll leave it alone but only after the previous status quo of my relations with each of them is restored.

*To which he responded, "So because we are both single, Mormon and somewhere between agoraphobic and extroverted you think we'd be a good match," which is EXACTLY what Rachel would say.

**but he did coin their name mash-up nickname "Rickhel".

A message for Andre.

2011-12-29T23:36:00.000-08:00

I got a voicemail this afternoon:
Hey Molly, this is Brian over here at #(9er&%DK) & F@($NS? * I'm trying to get a hold of Andre Johnson. If you could please have him give me a call at (503) ###-####.

Here's what I'm thinking happened. My friend Andre Johnson must have not been able to pay his cellphone bill this month, so he gave old Brian Mumbles my phone number, because I did pay mine, and apparently mine is a number he can remember and hand out to strangers. The slight, and I mean slight, problem with this scenario is that my friend Andre Johnson and I have never met. And I don't think he knows my phone number. And it's not super easy to remember.** Did I say slight problem? I meant problems plural that completely negate the initial statement.

So what to do? How to help Brian Mumbles get in touch with Andre? I can come up with a few scenarios of this happening.
1. Courier Chicken - chickens are notoriously better at crossing roads and less riddled with disease than pigeons.
2. I can call Brian and tell him that I've never met anyone named Andre***, better luck with any other 10 digit number. And to kiss a flying rock, because he kind of sounded pissy.
3. I can post on this interweb a message to Andre Johnson letting him know that some pissy mumbler named Brian is trying to get in touch with him. Shoot me an email and I'll give you his actual phone number.

Also, Andre, while I have your attention, your name totally reminds me of the very last scene of Waiting for Guffman. Specifically the part where Christopher Guest talks about that Wallace Shawn movie. CLASSIC. Andre, you should really watch that movie. I think you'd like it! Waiting for Guffman, not My Dinner with Andre, although hey I don't know what you're into. But, if you're going to get messages on my phone, the least you can do is take a movie recommendation.

* I didn't understand what he said, either. (Did I catch a niner in there?)
**It's not super hard either, but it's not like my buddy Nephi's old number 4949GET, which he announced one time, and his was the only phone number I remembered when I left my cell phone at my house in Provo when I flew home for Christmas break. Obviously, years later, I still remember it. But don't try to get him on that number any more. It is some guy who got super pissed one time when I called looking for Nephi.
***The closest I've come is watching the movie Andre. OR, maybe my dad, whose name is misspelled on my birth certificate. According to that my father is someone called Andres.****
****Not Andres Johnson, lest I wouldn't necessarily need to find a chicken or to post this.

Putting a call out.

2011-12-28T00:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight at our pub quiz outing, I learned that there is a Sex and the City themed trivia night on Wednesday, Jan 18th here in Ptown. I informed my usual tv show trivia buddy Becky that we would be attending based on our mutual love of the show. She said she couldn't because she'd be out of the country for work. That is an acceptable excuse, but I am bummed. I am totally willing to go alone, but I feel like there has to be someone else out there in my life who has an appreciation of this show. It would be way more fun to go with a friend. While I totally scored 100% Stanford Blatch (twice!) years ago on an SATC character quiz, I'm not necessarily prepared to be his brand of lone wolf for a trivia night. (Although I will be wearing head to toe lime green*, and making quippy bitchy comments. I love Stanny - but 100% TWICE?) "Who's that weird girl sitting all by herself getting all of the answers right?**" or worse "No you may not join our group." So, please let me know if you if you like this show, have ever watched this show, or would be willing to be my friend and sit by me for 90 minutes or so downtown whilst I go in to "Competition Molly" mode.

*I will not be wearing head to toe lime green.
**I can't promise a trophy, but I will say that I've gotten trophies at two out of the three*** tv show themed trivia nights I've attended. Also, I really know this show. Don't you want a trophy??
***I AM STILL BITTER, KYLE!

Have You Heard: The Mynabirds

2011-12-27T01:02:00.000-08:00

I had my iTunes shuffling like mad as I cleaned my room tonight. (Who can say "TOO MANY PROJECTS"?) I was reminded of my deep and abiding love for songs like Garth Brooks "Calling Baton Rouge" (judge away) and basically the entire contents of Menlove Ave. by John Lennon. But when it shuffled on over ~~to Buffalo~~ What We Lose in the Fire We Gain in the Flood, I was like, what is this? I've had the Mynabirds on my laptop since May of 2010, and I'm not at all sure if I've ever listened to this album before. (I once heard that your library should be full of 2/3 books you've read and 1/3 books you plan on reading. Perhaps my iTunes library should be thusly filled also?)Numbers Don't Lie by The Mynabirds on Grooveshark
A year and a half later, I like it. And I'm now super obsessed with Laura Burhenn's voice. Singing one of my favorites by the Zombies:

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

It just isn't Christmas without David Sedaris!

My question is this:

2011-12-22T23:35:00.000-08:00

How is it that out of all of my friends who troll the internet with a tenacity and stamina I'll never come close to reaching, and then email me whenever there's something new featuring Ryan Gosling, that I had to find this by a complete fluke of click click clicking away on the internet looking for something else? Drunk History* and Ryan Gosling are two of my very favorite things.

F MINUS, friends!**

Drunk History Christmas with Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey and Eva Mendes from Ryan Gosling

In other news, I'm suddenly in to the Christmas season a lot more than I was earlier.
Wayne Coyne helped too.

* Remember when I told you to watch the Drunk History series on October 18, 2008?
**Actually, F Minus me for never knowing about ANYTHING that is happening on this interweb without one of you lovely people telling me about it first.***
***Why yes I did put that in a footnote that no one reads.

Have you heard--Christmas edition

2011-12-20T01:00:00.000-08:00

So, I am a bit of a grinch this year. I'm ok with it. Even when I wish I weren't being such a curmudgeon about people cutting down perfectly good, oxygen producing trees to put in their houses for three weeks, then chucking it out to the landfill.

It's not that I hate Christmas, or really even Christmas music. I'm just not that festive of a girl and I'm just kind of over this holiday. Well, I am over Christmas decorations which can go tacky so, so quickly. (How is having a big blow up Santa or projector on your garage door saying "Happy Birthday Jesus!" ever a good idea?) I am over seeing Christmas paraphernalia in stores starting in August. And I'm over going to the mall to try to find generic mass-produced items for people I see a couple times a year. I am having a great time trying to figure out what to make people for homemade Christmas. I will read Luke 2 and be grateful for the birth and life of the Savior of all mankind.

I'm really over several radio stations playing only Christmas music starting before Thanksgiving. Seriously, Charlie? You were my go to workday radio station with your fun 80s dancey songs with no repeats all day long, but then all Christmas music? Especially since there are like twelve Christmas songs that everyone and their jingle cats* sing. And then when people do write new songs, they are terrible. I can't take it.

But let's talk music that's not terrible and doesn't make me want to punch every zealous Christmas fan in the esophagus.

One of my favorite choral pieces ever, also happens to be a Christmas song. 15 of my contemporaries in high school and I sang this song at Riverside Church at a competition. It sounded awesome. (How could it not with the acoustics in that place?) And we won.

There Is No Rose by West Jordan Madrigals on Grooveshark

This next isn't exactly a Christmas song, but it's a winter-flavored song about Christ.
There Will Be Rest by Vocalis Chamber Choir on Grooveshark

And now for the secular fun.
I am still unsure how I made it through so many years of life not knowing that The Christmas Waltz was a song. Until Jenna on 30 Rock sang it, I had never heard it. And then I found that my old friend Nancy Wilson sang an awesome version of it, it was kind of a win-win for me.
The Christmas Waltz by Nancy Wilson on Grooveshark

And Otis Redding. Who can go a day without Otis? Not this girl!
Merry Christmas Baby by Otis Redding on Grooveshark

*Why yes my family did have this CD circa 1994. And if you clicked on that link, I would like to apologize to you. You didn't deserve that.

Making a list and checking it twice

2011-12-16T16:03:00.000-08:00

I can't imagine what the impetus of the list was, but Holy Unrelated Words, Batman! Nevertheless, I spotted this today in a conference room at a middle school, and couldn't help but document it.

Directors: Wes Anderson

2011-12-16T16:00:00.000-08:00

Another post to defend my directorial choices to Judgey McJudgerson James.

I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone that I am a lover of quirky things, fastidious dedication to detail, and downplayed humor, and with Wes Anderson you get all three wrapped in a beautiful 2-hour long experience. When truly, truly pressed for an actual favorite film, I will say The Royal Tenenbaums (but that is only when I can't give a much longer list, or at least a list that can include Clue and Rear Window--but that is just because it seems the most academic of the three, and we all know how pretentious I am.) But it really is super high on my list. It's a movie I can watch in any mood. It's a movie I've written at least two different term papers on. (The one for 102, I turned in on pink paper as an allusion to the pink walls of the Tenenbaum house. How nerdy am I?) I love Bottle Rocket. I love Rushmore. I love The Life Aquatic. And after a couple of viewings, I love The Darjeeling Limited. And what's not to love about The Fantastic Mr. Fox? (Owen Wilson explaining the rules of 'Whack Bat' alone!)

Like Woody Allen, Wes Anderson uses the same font*- futura - for all of his credits. He also has a lived in/beaten up luxury feeling to all of his films. But to be somewhat brief, let's just focus on The Royal Tenebaums, ok?

To anyone paying any sort of attention to set design, Wes Anderson is a master. The house on Archer Ave. in The Royal Tenenbaums is not only beautiful and intricate, but it has a visual story and gives us background that supports the action. The decorations on the wall are as old as the emotional baggage that accompanies each member of the family, and like the unaddressed feelings, the decor remains unchanged in a state of arrested development.

Can we talk about costume design? How awesome it is to have GP running around in Lacoste polo dresses and barrettes, just like she did as a child, but now adding a fur coat and a Birkin (and that wooden finger)? Or how Chaz and his sons live everyday in matching red track suits, presumably to be spotted quickly in the event of another tragedy. Or Eli's urban cowboy look ("And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight") I die. Again, it is a visual cue that supports the story and enlightens us about the characters.

The soundtrack is so amazing also, but not just because homegirl over here loves Me & Julio, The Clash, and Velvet Underground. Every time Eli is doing something drug related The Clash plays in the background. Or the music during [SPOILER ALERT] Richie's suicide attempt is Elliott Smith, and afterward Nick Drake, both of whom were severely depressed and suspected of suicide, though Elliott Smith's didn't happen for another two years after the film came out. Or when Margot's leaving Raleigh for home and her ice cream outing with Royal are both served by Vince Guaraldi's 'Christmas Time is Here' - a song that is in direct counterpoint with itself, such happy lyrics to such a mournful little tune that it provides the perfect background for the extremely strained relations between father and adopted daughter.

You can have a beautifully decorated movie without any real substance [cough James Cameron cough], but Wes Anderson doesn't do that. This is a story about the greatest aspects of our human condition - seeking and then finding acceptance, learning how to be satisfied with yourself and daily victories great or small, and most importantly seeking and then finding redemption. Royal starts out on his journey looking for a place to go because he is broke. He ends up learning how to forget his selfish desires and focus on the well being of his children and estranged wife. As a result, the rest of the characters are able to progress past their self-imposed barriers and paralyzing expectations of genius. Hopefully we as viewers and thus participants in the story get a little closer to that too. And with that we leave this fictionalized and stylized New York.

*That paper for 102 on pink paper was in futura. I am pretty sure that was the only time I strayed from twelve point courier.

Dear Ribs numbers 7 and 8,

2011-12-14T22:05:00.000-08:00

Lungs and I have been talking and we would really, really appreciate if you quit your protest and go back to your non-dislocated selves. I'm not going to lie, you're kind of making things uncomfortable for us, I mean it has been a week. And we'd like to not become addicted to these muscle relaxers we're on - not that they don't have their upside. Life is just so much better when you two are where you are supposed to be, and I'm completely sober.
You guys really are unsung heroes. Without you, my thoracic cavity would be in great disarray. Please don't think I'm not grateful for what you do, just because I don't necessarily think of you. You've made your presence known. I promise to give up the fight club if you two would just stay where the chiropractor puts you. Deal?

Thanks,
The drug-induced Molly.

Have you heard: Omar Velasco

2011-12-13T13:27:00.000-08:00

I was reading my friend Melinda's latest blog entry and over on her side bar, she had a link of what she's listening to these days. One of which was a link to Omar Velasco's video, You, The Rain.

Color me obsessed. (Although it may have a little something to do with his hair/vest combo.)

Directors: Preston Sturges

2011-12-09T15:47:00.000-08:00

Ever since last week's post about directors, a lot of my friends have been talking to me about Preston Sturges, either telling me what their favorite movies are of his, or asking me who in the world he is. In an effort to fill up the latter's queues with totally delightful movies, let me introduce you.

In high school when I discovered AMC (back before Ted Turner owned all of the rights to every movie ever and AMC played movies older than the Godfather,) and devoured all of the old movies I could, I somehow totally missed Preston Sturges. At BYU, one of my professors showed us Palm Beach Story and I was absolutely done for. We talked about how he was the first writer-director since sound entered the movies, how he shaped how screenplays were purchased, and how he invented narratage. This is all fine and well, but what makes Preston Sturges so amazingly delightful is how hilarious, truly hilarious, he is. The dialogue he wrote is fast and witty, but he threw in pratfalls and sight gags left and right, so it is accessible to the fans of Noel Coward and The Three Stooges alike.

Between Orem Public Library and the HBLL with my film major card, I've seen the vast majority of his films, either written by or written and directed by, and without reservation, I can recommend to you:
1. Palm Beach Story - Joel McCrea plays an inventor with the idea of installing wire mesh over a city, much like a gigantic tennis racket, to serve as an airport. And Mary Astor has a boyfriend she's trying to shake, whose language is unknown by everyone, so she just keeps making words up for yes and no. "Nitz Toto, Nitz!" I die, every time.
2. The Lady Eve - Barbara Stanwick is perfection. There's deceit and lots and lots of Henry Fonda falling down.
3. Sullivan's Travels - This one seems to be the highest praised of all Preston Sturges' work, but it was one of the weaker screenplays according to Sturges himself.

For those looking to go a little deeper, watch Unfaithfully Yours, (Nobody handles Handel like you handle Handel, and your Delius - delirious.) or Remember the Night which has a slightly happier ending for Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck than say, Double Indemnity.

Still not convinced? You certainly are hard to please.

Many, many moons ago, my mother got me "Preston Sturges on Preston Sturges" an autobiography put together by himself as a sort of journal, and then his wife published it forty years after his death. It was such a delightful read. Some excerpts:
"Incidentally, when I look back over what I was exposed to as a child, I realize how extraordinarily lucky I was never to have become a (God forbid) male interpretive dancer with a wreath of gold laurel leaves around my head." p. 33
"Mr. Crowley's reference to me as "the brat" doesn't bother me because, compared to the way I refer to him, it is a compliment." p.77
"By this time she and I had fallen into the habit of one another--proximity, I suppose--and had become, without the benefit of vows or promises, a duo. She was wonderfully witty, fiercely devoted, jealous and possessed of a temper that made my temper, described by a wife divorcing me some years later as "ungovernable," seem like that of a meadow lark. Two weeks before the picture was finished, Willy [Wyler] eloped with Maggie Sullavan. He asked my opinion of the proposed match beforehand, but he must not have heard what I had I said." p. 280

App-ropos

2011-12-07T13:31:00.001-08:00

Three ridiculous apps I am borderline addicted to.

1. On Thanksgiving, my friend Casandra told me about a hilarious app called iPity. It is a bunch of soundbites from Mr. T. Hilarious. My two favorites:

2. Then a couple days later, when I got to hang out with Shara back from Texas for a few days, I told her to download Flipadelphia so that I could go head to head against someone. We were having so much fun, that I persuaded Ryan to also download it. Thanks to the powers of bluetooth and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I am now worse at flipcup than Shara and Ryan both in real life and virtually. But words cannot describe the hilarity that ensues when all of a sudden Danny DeVito shows up on the screen and says, "get lost, street rat!" interrupting your streak of flips. So good.

3. Lastly, Shara introduced me to TriviaTunes. Shara, Becky and I played and it is SO enjoyable I can hardly stand it. I have tried playing by myself, but it's just WAY more fun when it's a competition against other people. So the next time you see me, let's play! Please? I have 70s, 80s, 90s, and TV Theme songs - if you want to win, you'd better challenge me to the 90s or else have super fast tapping reflexes.

Have You Heard: Alberto Vazquez

2011-12-06T09:07:00.001-08:00

A recent ~~discovery~~ unearthing of mine is this crazy old cat called Alberto Vazquez. I have to say, I am a huge fan of his early sixties covers of popular American songs, like this Ray Charles classic redone and Spanish language-ified. Also, who needs a sax solo when you can use a kitschy organ? Not this girl!*

Desencadena Mi Corazón by Alberto Vazquez on Grooveshark

*I will actually always prefer the Sax to the organ, and Ray to Alberto, but Alberto is kind of delightful.

I have no response to that.

2011-12-04T22:42:00.001-08:00

Today my Bishop told me that I was the son he wished he had.

He has sons plural, I'm a girl, and it totes made me this, even though that is not at all what he meant.

Directors: Woody Allen

2011-12-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

Almost immediately after I posted my little survey thing, I got an email from a friend who is apparently a ginormous film snob, not to name any names (JAMES, ahem). I had no idea he was so particular. We talk about movies all of the time, (seriously, every conversation we have is about movies and nothing else) but he watches anything and everything, so when I got an email criticizing the directors I named (Rian Johnson, Wes Anderson, Sofia Coppola and Woody Allen) (He had nothing bad to say about Preston Sturges, for how can you ever have anything bad to say about Preston Sturges?*) I was pretty surprised.

He was actually mostly gobsmacked (my word, not his) that I didn't put down my "real favorites" Jacques Demy, Jean-Luc Godard, and Alfred Hitchcock. To which I say, why stop there? I respect a lot of directors. I kind of just arbitrarily chose five to name. AND maybe I wanted to seem less like the pretentious girl I am - so I chose fairly accessible directors. Not to be too defensive here, but I wrote that these are five directors whose movies I could watch all day long. It's not an exclusive list. (Truth be told, I wrote down the first five that came in to my head. Hitch would have been a way better choice than say, Rian Johnson with only two films so far.)

He mostly had issue with Woody Allen whom he deems totally overrated. I must argue that he is superbly prolific and diverse, and while I don't like everything he does, he's still cranking out a movie a year, after 40 years. To me that is amazing. He's an odd duck, for sure, but why not hear stories from all sorts of people? Aside from particular movies, I love that Woody Allen has a particular signature. He always uses the same font for his credits (white windsor on a black screen) played over either a jazz standard or a classical piece. His neurotic little thumbprint is all over each movie, be it Bananas or Matchpoint. And, he's very funny. I am a fan.

So I made a chart in my journal to prepare for my ~~argument~~ discussion with this film snob** of titles that I loved, others not so much, and the ones I haven't seen.

When you are in the mood for a comedy, watch Scoop or Sleeper. When you are in the market for a neurotic 'who dunnit' go for Manhattan Murder Mystery. If you just want to witness cinematic perfection go ahead and pop in Annie Hall, Radio Days, or Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

What do you think, do you love him or hate him? What's your favorite?

*Just don't watch The Great Moment -- snoozefest!
**Maybe I should say, "other film snob."

Relief Society Spotlight Survey

2011-12-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

Like nine months ago, we asked a girl in our Relief Society to head up a newsletter. She's a clever girl, with a strong voice in her writing, and she does a good job of it. Everyone else in the presidency has been spotlighted. I was thinking (in nothing but earnest), "oh goody, I have been overlooked!" Not so, darn it. I got the survey in my inbox on Tuesday night. I filled it out and sent it back to her, because if I want people to do their callings, I should probably not be the hindrance in that pursuit.

I was not terribly forthcoming with my answers, but two I thought were kind of worth sharing.

01) Where are you from? (Did you grow up here, or in a different state?) I am from here.

01a) If you're not originally from here, what brought you to our neck of the woods? School? Work? Family?
01b) If school, what's your major? If work, what's the job?

02) Siblings? I have one older brother and one half brother who is almost 3. (That's not a typo.)

03) Top five favorite books. (If any.) White Teeth - Zadie Smith, Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer, ANYTHING by Jane Austen, Middlemarch - George Eliot, and Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

04) Top five favorite movies. (If any.) I studied film at BYU, so to narrow my list down to five is unthinkably difficult. So instead, I will give you five directors whose work I could watch all day long. Rian Johnson, Preston Sturges, Wes Anderson, Sofia Coppola, and Woody Allen (Although with Woody Allen, I hate some and love some, but what I love, I LOVE.)

05) What are your hobbies? (Ex: Hiking? Biking? Music? Sleeping?) I love to refinish furniture, build things and renovate rooms - DIY kinds of stuff - anything where I can wear my pink tool belt. I love to bake. I love to make and listen to music. I love to laugh, laughing is my favorite.

06) Chocolate or Vanilla? Other? I will not choose between chocolate and vanilla, but I will tell you, that I love good chocolate and good vanilla.

07) You run onto a time machine, its power is failing so you can take only one trip anywhere through time and space, there and back. Where/When do you go? Why? I would go to 1:15am on October 26, 1985 -- Twin Pines Mall, where another, potentially more reliable time machine would be waiting.

08) What is your favorite time of year? Every time a new season comes a long, I think THIS IS MY FAVORITE! I suppose I'm a 'love the one your with' kind of girl when it comes to seasons.

09) What are some of your favorite foods? (Mexican? Italian? Indian?) Yes. Throw Thai in there and we've got a list going.

10) If I were to write your biography, the opening sentence would be "She lived, she loved, she _______". made lists.

11) If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one other person with you AND one item aside from the clothes on your back, what and whom would they be? I am convinced that people enjoy the movies they watch on planes significantly more than they would like them if they had seen them not as a captive audience 30,000 feet in the air, particularly if they are the kind of movie that they wouldn't necessarily watch to begin with. It is with this logic that I submit my answer for this question. While I would love to tell you I am the kind of person who would immediately pick someone like Desmond Tutu to chill with and learn from on an island for who knows how long, I would actually have to pick a smart, funny and cute guy who is way out of my league, hoping that he would be persuaded to love, nay tolerate me because he has no other options. (Maybe the elevation has more to do with it than anything else, may I put in a request for an island with a high elevation, please?) The "what" is a bit more difficult. I was at first thinking an ipod, then a guitar, then soap, but I settled upon good shoes, because once in my life I would like to be wearing the right pair of shoes for something.

12) What gets you through a rough day? A song? Chocolate? Someone making you laugh? Impromptu dance parties, by myself or with others, either way.

Do you need a monkey?

2011-11-26T20:39:00.000-08:00

Sure, we all do!*

My mother found a classified ad today, that was beautifully written and punctuated - and then emailed it to me. I thought I should pass it on, in case anyone is interested in buying a monkey. Just think of the cute little outfits you could humiliate it in.

"hi, do you need a Well trained , tamed and beautiful baby c.a.p.u.c.h.i.n monkey? you are at the right place. our pet c.a.p.u.c.h.i.n monkey is blood screened and come with all her health papers, health guarantee , toys and care detectives. She is friendly, lovely and easily associate with other pets we just relocated to a new apartment which does not permit us to keep animals so we are looking for a good home to take care of our baby girl.. She like outings and she is very intelligent and respectful. She will adapt to new environment easily and to climate."

I am apparently not familiar enough with the capuchin monkey, because I didn't even know their name was an acronym.** Maybe it stands for Cheeky And Problematic Unclean Creatures wHom Idiots owN? Just a guess.

*Do you remember those Sally Struthers commercials for the correspondence courses--"Do you want to make more money? Sure we all do!" Seriously, those were so obnoxious.
**NOT an acronym

I prefer football.

2011-11-23T08:49:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, my friend Natalie as an exercise in sharing what she is grateful for, stated that she was very grateful her husband doesn't like football. I kind of don't see the point in caring about that, but clearly Natalie does and that's great. Different strokes, for different folks etc.

Last night I was able to hang out with my wonderful friend Rachel and her totally charming ketchup* mogul boyfriend Mark, and somehow LARPing** came up. Many things had to be explained to me. Mark said, there's a documentary called 'Darkon' that goes in to the culture of this game, and the people who devote a great deal of time to it (at least every other weekend, not including all of the prep work you do beforehand.) It was on Netflix streaming, so we watched it. It is not a perfect documentary, (it should have explored Skip a little more fully, because he was where the story is,) but to its credit, it did open my eyes to a completely different way to exist in life.

Mostly, the people who participate in this game/community/way of life feel like misfits in the real world, unsatisfied with their roles at work, they relish going to middle school football fields or a forest and staging wars with foam weapons and shields because they gain a sense of importance, a sense of self. All while they are hoping to be heroic, and having supremely awkward and poorly improvised conversations that seem stolen from Lord of the Rings and some Middle Ages/Renaissance something.

I don't begrudge these people the opportunity to waste their money and time on nerdy things, in fact, I think it is great. Well, let me rephrase that. I think it is great that they are connecting with other humans, finding that niche, if you will. Just like those nerds with the salt and pepper convention. But Mark brought up an interesting point, how is this any worse than people who are really in to football? My liberal sensibilities are really trying to say, it's not better or worse, just different, but my Judgy McJudgerson ways are overruling. Sure, football is more socially acceptable, and that's part of it, but my main concerns are actually the wasting of time and money and that they are escaping life. In being a football fan, you have a team or a few teams that you watch their games every weekend, that's an investment of like four hours, maybe a few more for a few months. You don't really have to spend money on it at all, and everything about your weekend of zoning out in football is considered real life. It might seem a great waste of time, but it is real life. But with Darkon they are out there for full weekends at a time, leaving their loved ones, (sometimes wives and children and sometimes just parents, let's be honest here) while they run around the forest, camp, and pretend because reality isn't satisfactory enough. I think they all know that what they are doing is fake, but still, why not expend some effort on improve reality, instead of channeling it to role playing and then have the line between reality and a game blur a little more every weekend. And the money - these people have very elaborate costumes/armor, and while I kept thinking their craftsmanship was excessively poor***, they had lots of foam weapons at one point built a huge facade of a building with 2x4s and plywood, to have a three minute battle and then burn it down. (If I had executed a plan so poorly as to not consider the slope of the hill when I was installing the doors, maybe I would want to burn it down as well, but I would notice that.) What a waste of resources!

But mostly, I think that LARPing is not the best use of time, because of the consequences on the family. There was a shot of Skip's wife and daughter hanging out at a table near some refreshments that they had prepared for the gang. They are just sitting there without much to do, as the LARPers all stood around another table and plotted their next weekend's war with plastic action figures. I am positive that Skips' wife is a much more patient and understanding woman than most, but she just looked so empty and excluded in that scene that I was upset for her sake. But the worst part is the children. Look at what happens to the children.

And I am positive Natalie would embrace football if this were the alternative.

*Seriously, Sir Kensington's is great. I have the spiced in my fridge right now. One time Shara and I took it to a burger joint with us. Delicious.
**Live-action role playing. And I thought D&D was nerdy. Shoot, and I thought video games were nerdy...
***The basics of upholstery have been the same for hundreds of years, why you think fastening fabric to plywood with duct tape instead of a staple gun is a good idea, I have not a clue.

Mole want a burrito?

2011-11-16T17:02:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I realized I had forgotten my lunch. So right before the period before lunch I phoned an order in to Baja Fresh, since it was just down the road. When they asked me my name I tried to enunciate as though I were speaking to a room full of ESL kindergartners. I told them I'd come pick up my order in about fifty minutes.

When I went to pick it up, I saw on the receipt that they spelled my name "M-O-L-E". This of course totally cracked me up, and made me remember when Starbucks tried to make me a cast member of the Jersey Shore.

While they might think my name is spelled like a delicious, delicious sauce, they sure did make a tasty burrito. Not Cafe Rio good, but definitely edible.

I always thought I had a relatively easy name to spell - I guess not.

Like a slushee in the face.

2011-11-15T23:00:00.000-08:00

Or why you haven't gotten your GleeCap.

You guys are so nice to me, asking me to write things. But I have to tell you that halfway through last week's episode of Glee I turned it off. I couldn't even begin to spend the precious few hours I had for television viewing last week on that TERRIBLE episode. So I stopped it and then watched Raising Hope which was also TERRIBLE. Then I watched New Girl, and that was delightful, so the evening ended on a high note. I haven't had time or motivation to go back and finish the episode, and I am not entirely sure I am going to watch the episode I DVR'ed tonight whilst out pub quizzing with friends, despite the fact that the Trouble Tones are doing an Adele mashup. I think I'm over Glee, we'll have to see. But truth be told, the next thing I have to watch is the Traffic DVD I've had from Netflix since October 14. (Hands down the longest elapsed time of having a DVD from Netflix, and I am including my month in Africa last spring.)

Anyone want a recap on Traffic?

Best Album of the Aughts

2011-11-15T16:03:00.000-08:00

Last night at FHE, my friend Brian and I were talking about what we considered the the best album of the aughts (a phrase I am not terribly comfortable with considering aught means anything - maybe you're supposed to spell it like "ought" as in, I ought to have spent 2000-2009 being more productive and responsible?)

So, Brian presented what I will call "some viable options" but, I of course shot them down, for that is what I do. I declared that Ryan Adams' Gold was the best of the oughts. (I'm sticking with that spelling.) To me that really is a perfect album, but it's like my mind started at the beginning of the decade and just arbitrarily chose a first awesome album I came across. I only made it one year in to the decade for crying out loud.

Since then, albums have been compiling themselves in to a list in my brain. Including:

Smile - Brian Wilson
American IV - Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robot - The Flaming Lips
More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley
Plans - Death Cab for Cutie
Elephant - The White Stripes
Back to Black - Amy Winehouse
The Langley Schools Music Project - Innocence and Despair
Poses - Rufus Wainwright

I just instantly went to Ryan Adams, forsaking all the rest. Which is shocking knowing me.

Just grading some math assessments

2011-11-11T09:07:00.001-08:00

So, I couldn't help but giggle and then be a little concerned about this child's home life.

I also wouldn't be surprised if this is an accurate graph depicting the number of cop shows on tv.

The Analytics of Decapitation

2011-11-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

Now, I have very little interest in sharing my or hearing about other peoples' dreams, unless of course they are hilarious or really insightful, and I can promise you now - what I am about to share will be neither. Also, I rarely remember my dreams, and when I do I wake up in a fury and scribble them down into my journal so I can remember them. Like the one time I was being hunted by the Russian mafia - a dream that would make an outstanding movie. Or the time I joined the SATC ladies for brunch and then mass (really?). Or the recurring dream I had about marrying a guy from Idaho whose parents didn't like me and I had to buy my wedding shoes at Fred Meyer. (Three things I'd very much like to avoid.) I digress.

This morning, when my alarm went off, it woke me from a very strange dream. I dreamt that while dressed as Speed Racer* and riding on a motorcycle I was decapitated. It was one of those out-of-body dreams, lucid in the fact that I knew I was dreaming, but not lucid because I couldn't control what was happening. As my out-of-body self watched me get into this terrible accident and the ensuing action, I kept criticizing the production value of my dream. "That's not a realistic amount of blood. That jacket is still very white." "You'd be dead by now." "Why is no one calling 911? How is that not the first step?" Very similar to what I do when I watch movies. This continued at the hospital. And at my funeral. It was kind of weird. But I kept thinking about my out-of-body self, "gee whiz, you're such a downer. Stop criticizing so much - it's just a dream. You're still alive, and very much capitated." So I am wondering if my over-analytical, hyper-critical, Negative Nancy-ness is really getting on my subconscious' nerves? In which case I would like to publicly remind my subconscious that we are much more optimistic and kind than we used to be. So maybe you can stop violently killing me in my dreams? Although, no complaints about the Speed Racer outfit.

*Have you seen the live-action movie? Very under-rated.

I've got the moves like Monson*

2011-11-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

Is it a good or bad thing when I saw this phrase tonight on a leftover piece of paper in the Primary room at church that I immediately heard Adam Levine singing it to the tune of "Moves Like Jagger" in my head? And I may have busted a move.

*Thomas Monson is the elderly, but still fairly spry, president of my church.

GleeCap: Pot of Gold

2011-11-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

So, after three weeks off, Glee is back, (I had to watch it today after work because of super fun playtime last night. So sorry for the delay,) and it was kind of a non-event. I've decided that three non-events are going to equal a strike. So this is two in a row. Be warned Glee, because when I get bored I don't hang out.

As awesome as a note taped in a locker that says, "Lord Tubbington thinks you’re purrrrfect.":
- Brittany is on the cover of American Cheerleader, and it is taped up in her locker. I totally buy it. +5
- There's some fresh-faced Irish kid thrown in and makes Finn look like a man of his own age. I'm ok with new blood coming in, but must we have this Kurt redux? Although his adoration of Brittany is so totally charming. "I really want to snog her. I'm still a virgin." +3
- Kurt is wearing head to toe neutral tweed and a trilby. He looks like Dr. Doolittle circa Rex Harrison. Delightful. +6
- Sue telling Burt that she "thought [she] smelled a baboon heart," absolutely reminded me of Untamed Heart, and it was a pleasant trip down memory lane with Rosie Perez, Marissa Tomei, and Christian Slater. +2
- "Leprechaun starring a young Jen Aniston is my favorite movie." While I don't believe it, I think it is funny. +3
- Let's talk about the Troubletones. Is this our first foray into Xtina on the show? I like it. +12 Also, as idiotic as the idea of this second Glee club is, I am totally amenable to the fact that Santana and Mercedes will be singing more. It's like a triumvirate of awesome. +4

That is not a lot of positives. Wow.
+35

As infuriating as this Quinn-Idina Menzel story line:
- Sue's corner calls West Side Story gay. This show is obviously very concerned with preaching to obliterate homophobia, but they seem more than content in perpetuating stereotypes and using "gay" in an inflammatory way. Both are screamed much too loudly and are obnoxious. -5
- The whole budget for the school's musical is $2004? The cost to produce the Umbrella/Singing in the Rain mash up with GP last season probably cost 5 times that much to produce with all that fake rain and umbrellas breaking all over the place. And high school musicals cost more than $2000 produce. Shoot, how much do you have to pay to lease the rights? -12
- A crematorium that delivers "delicious brick oven pizza" and an undertaker who loves West Side Story because there are so many deaths in it? Just because people work with dead people they are creepy? -4
- Finn is too stupid to try to concoct schemes. He should just stop because I am bored. -2 Then he calls Brittany an idiot, well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. No points, I'm just saying.
- They have an Irish exchange student pretend to be a leprechaun and then whilst wearing green sing Kermit's song? This reminds me of the other vomit-inducing literal and cheesy interpretations, like that song from Sunset Blvd. and Blackbird - both performed by Kurt. Ay yi yi. Unbearable. -15
- Quinn needs to cease and desist. The whole, I'm imperfect and will thus live vicariously through my child and put on a whole heap of issues on this child by requiring it to fill roles that are completely inappropriate. Just because you're trying to create drama doesn't mean you need to be so irresponsible with it. uft. -10
- And speaking of Beth, why does she sleep in a playpen? Come on Idina Menzel. - 2
- Blaine is apparently the go-to guy for Katy Perry songs. Oh, what a terrible song, and how is it appropriate for the sentiment of missing Mercedes or trying to get over the stressful week? -4
- Puck, your hair. My friend, it is getting T E R R I B L E. No points, I'm just trying to let you know.
- Where are these mullets coming from? JUST STOP RIGHT NOW. -15
- And why is everyone at this school so mean? Life will imitate "art" (Glee is far from artistic, but go with me on this) so maybe conflict could come from other places than bullying? -15
- Now for some continuity issues...so, the Troubletones. Mercedes says that the sectionals trophy is as good as theirs. Do they not remember the trouble New Directions were about to be in when they had fewer than twelve members in their glee club? I am someone who has seen each of these episodes once, I am quite sure I've dedicated less brain space to this show than, say, the writers and producers. Put in a little effort here. -18

-102

Woah -67. It is not looking good, New Directions. Let's rally to be more entertaining next week!

Have You Heard: Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings

2011-11-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty close to obsessed with Sharon Jones since my dear friend Jen sent me a copy of Dark Was The Night. Then when I went through Damages in rapid-fire succession last year and I heard "You're Gonna Get It" in a few of the episodes of Season 2, I knew that Ms. Jones and I would have a long and lasting relationship. (Not in a Me & Mrs. Jones kind of way, though.) Something about the cold weather makes me want to listen to R&B. Am I the only one who has seasonal musical preferences?

Dance it out!

2011-10-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

I love seeing posters in hallways, it brings back high school memories of tempura paint, craft paper and wasting time in 7th period leadership. When I saw this poster I had to take a picture of it. I am not at all sure what the point of it is. Are they dancing out conflicts, a la MJ's Thriller video or West Side Story? Are they trying to channel students' self-expression into dance, like Kevin Bacon in Footloose, or Bret's "angry dance" in FOTC? Maybe they are just gearing up for a dance? In any case, my favorite, favorite thing is the oh-so-obvious addendum to this poster.

I'm pretty sure that little green portion will erase all of the dance moves the kids have learned from MTV and fill their heads with the desire to personify the innocence of the dance in the original Parent Trap, only without losing their skirts.

winco photo 2

2011-10-31T22:57:00.000-07:00

So, again, I love the crazies I see at Winco. It is one of my favorite places to people watch. The other day I was in the parking lot and I espied a woman, who struck me as so delightful I stalked her from the parking lot, through the produce all the way to the bulk foods to stealthily get a photo of her ensemble.

To me this outfit screams, "you think I don't care, but I do." I love the wedge sandals and scarf accessorizing a sweat suit. I love it. Thank you random woman, you totally made my day.

If you build it...

2011-10-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

When I was about six years old, Ray Liotta told me, "If you build it, he will come," and like so many things from such an impressionable age, it stuck with me.

When at the beginning of this month, the AD crew announced that it hoped to make a movie and a mini-series leading up to said movie, I was excited. Years ago when it was canceled and they promised us a movie, my friends and I all decided that we would camp out to buy tickets and dress up like the nerds who go see comic book or Harry Potter movies. I laid my claim on Lindsay, (mostly because I don't think I could pull off running around in blue paint and denim cut-offs). For years they have been stoking the fire, filling us with equal parts of excitement and dread with each announcement (I say dread, because hello Sex and the City movies - yikes.) and now that they are pretty darn sure it is going to happen, I thought I'd better do my part and prepare for it. Power of positive thinking and all that. So for Halloween, I decided to make a shirt that said "slut" on it. And, now when the movie comes out, despite the fact that all of that friend group has scattered to the winds, at least I will have something to wear. (And, every other day of the year - because maybe if I wear it, he will come?)

Although I'm kinda bummed I can't wear it to work tomorrow. What, like "slut" written on a tshirt would be inappropriate at a middle school?

I did something wrong.

2011-10-14T23:14:00.000-07:00

So about a month ago, I was trying to figure out why my blog kept messing up the blog posts I emailed from my iPhone. I was just click, click, clicking around in the settings, and I apparently did something, I'm not at all sure what, that made it so that my blog posts in general wouldn't post. WHAT? I had no idea until I was getting flack from a friend for not posting to my blog in for-ev-er, and I had to disagree. I was saying, I've been posting fairly regularly, but then when I went to my blog, not a blog post for over a month.

So, I've tried to figure out what went wrong, and haven't really, but I've gotten it to post again, so I am going to re-post all of the posts that should have gone up in the last month, and hope nothing else goes awry.

Have You Heard: Heart

2011-10-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

I have two songs by Heart on my iPod Lucille 2. This makes three. I heard it on the radio the other day, and I was instantly transported to back in the day, and I mean back, like 1987, little Molly watching the Parent Trap sequel. Not the remake, no, the seldom-remembered sequel with Haley Mills as grown up Sharon & Susan. One of them is being set up with Tom Skerritt (who unfortunately for him, is known to me as the dad from Parent Trap II when I see him in other things. Even great things, like one of my favorites ever, A River Runs Through It. Sorry, Mr. Skerritt. But I was highly impressionable in the 80s. And I really liked the Parent Trap franchise.) (This sequel is not to be confused with the Parent Trap III, or the Parent Trap Hawaiian Vacation with the triplets and Brad from Rocky Horror Picture Show that were on ABC in the early 90s[?]. One of the triplets, Lisa, would go on to play Tory on Saved By The Bell.)

I feel like Heart has opened up a Pandora's box-- and it's not even their fault, for I am 100% sure that the version of Nothin' At All in PTII (oh I went there) is not by them. I don't know who it is by or anything else, and really I do not want to do any research, but I'd put down money that it is not the same version.

But, in the spirit of the super fun 80s, I really like this song. And I will add it to Lucille 2 ~~with pride~~.

Finding that niche.

2011-10-10T15:17:00.000-07:00

One of the things I am most grateful for as I interact with humanity is seeing that people connect with one another. ~~I am especially glad of this considering the more people I come in contact with, the fewer I like, so the more time they spend with each other the less time they will spend bothering me*.~~ I almost wrote something a little too honest and mean. Phew, I really dodged a bullet there.

My friend Birgitte and I went out to Thai food on Saturday night and had such a fun time, especially since, Thai is something we both can eat. (We could both be subscribers to the ridiculously, but all-too-accurately, titled periodical Living Without.) I digress. She told me about a Salt & Pepper Shaker convention held recently over the river that we missed. Shucks! Apparently, there are activities at this convention like reenacting shakers, and they hand out prizes and post pictures online. I find this fascinating.

I especially like that Alice is sporting a mustache in the human version.

I like that there are specialty magazines out there for people who don't eat wheat, dairy or eggs. And Cat Fancy for that matter. I really like that these conventions take place, and not just because I like to giggle at the pictures on their website, for they are truly giggle-inducing. I like it because humans are connecting with other humans over über-specialized interests. People discover that there really is more universality to this existence than we sometimes realize. Which I think is a very valuable thing. And if you get to live out your boyhood dream of being Alice and have tea with a woman willing to dress up as the Mad Hatter, all the better.

*I really do like people. Well, I give it an honest effort.

I don't go to the theater much.

2011-10-08T01:11:00.000-07:00

One of my film professors Dean Duncan would encourage us to watch old and foreign films instead of trying to stay current with new releases. I've inadvertently followed his direction this year. I thought about it the other day, and I have only gone to a first run theater seven times in the last calendar year. Then journal and I thought about it further, and I have only seen movies that have Ryan Gosling and/or Emma Stone in them.

Easy A, All Good Things, Blue Valentine, Crazy Stupid Love, The Help, Drive and finally The Ides of March.

Maybe I should diversify? Or maybe I'll just stick to Netflix for all of my film needs. I can tell you right now that I won't be seeing Footloose.

GleeCap: Asian F

2011-10-05T23:46:00.000-07:00

Oh, Glee. I'm not sure what I am going to do with you.

Better than what I am considering a veiled Kardashians as mules reference
- Mercedes' boyfriend is being all Jeanine Pettibone. (And by that, I mean she's being all Yoko Ono.) I don't agree with it, but I believe it. If I were dating Mercedes, I'd want to show her off too. +3
- Mike Chang ="Fleet-footed Ninja." +3 and then Mike called Tina out on her past stutter. +7 because I hate Tina.
- Santana calling Kurt "Jimmy Fallon's butch daughter" +5
- Brittany citing very valid points on why the boys' club system of politics hasn't worked for us thus far: double-digit inflation, economic free fall, oil spills, a war in Afghanistan. Who says she's an idiot? Not this girl +6
- The Brittany-Beyonce Flash Mob. Anytime you feature Heather Morris dancing, you have my vote. +20
- Beiste is slipping in one-liners like nobody's business. "Stealth-attack Jones" +8 "I had to sell my prized donkey to pay my gas bill. I sold Kim but kept Khloe." +14 And she used my favorite line from Laugh In "You bet your sweet bippy." (no points on that, because if when I say it, as I frequently do, people think I'm quoting Glee instead of Laugh In, I'll get disheartened with humanity. But until then, it's a good thing.)
- Featuring Mike Chang is the smartest storyline these writers have come up with in a while. +15 And, his parents are hands down the most attractive and well-dressed parents yet to be featured on this show. +2 because this is a television show.
- Rachel has completely shed her grandmother meets little girl despite the fact that she's wearing Marc Jacobs styling, and it has done wonders for her. Her LBD from her duet/diva off with Mercedes was adorable, and then the pink dress she worked walking down the hall to talk to Beiste. I am jealous. +8
- I totally believe Will inviting Emma's parents over without her knowledge. While I don't agree with his shady behavior, it is true to character. +3
+94

Less likely than a cast list for a musical going up with five roles listed (seriously, you guys?)
- "It's not about doing your best, it's about doing better." Woah there Mr. Schue. As I watch the transformation of Will Schuester, I am reminded of another high school teacher who transformed into a super villain. First step glitter bomb, next step Walter White am I right? (no points, unless homeboy starts cooking.)
- Will showing Emma his box-o-porn. This is the second time where Will has been a little TMI with us this season, and I'm not liking it. Keep it in your pants. -8
- We're supposed to believe that Lima, Ohio and McKinley are anti arts programs, ok, I'll hop on board. But why would they put a dance studio in the school? And have such a well-stocked auditorium? I have trouble suspending my disbelief when the ideals aren't constant. And then, why would Mike's mother have that conversation with him at the school in stead of at home? -15
- Mike Chang's t-shirt from last season's weird Born This Way debacle said "Can't Sing". He sang a song about how he couldn't sing. And now, he does a really great job on "Cool" and we're supposed to be okay with this? -10 for continuity. I'd have taken away more if Mike hadn't have said something about practicing everyday.
- I know this is a show about singing, but you need to show that in musical auditions also include acting and dancing. And, as much as I love Mercedes, and I do, she would not have fared as well as Rachel in the dancing part, if we're to believe her Booty Camp subplot. -18
- I am still not even close to believing that Idina Menzel would take a part-time teaching job. If she is so highly coveted, she'd be not even close to satisfied working with one kid, or two now. Also, we've already seen this story - Sue Sylvester leading her half of the glee kids. Are we repeating plots already? Yikes. I would advise the writers to watch the first three seasons of Bewitched. Before they even replaced Darren they blatantly plagiarized their own story lines. I do love Idina Menzel, and am glad to see her on TV, but please, give her a believably story. -20
- "Ginger Supremacists"?!?! If it had been funny, I could have forgiven it, but as it was, it was absolutely, not at all, even close to funny. -9
- I really like Coldplay's "Fix You" and I really like Matthew Morrison, but something about his version, even though it is in the same key as the original, he just sounds like a ... well, he was whiny and not awesome. Plus the all white clothes, curtain and risers- it looked like an ad for the Gap, if they made terrible ads, or like they are trying to channel a certain amazing comedy on ABC, who frequently has their cast in all white. -4.
-84

Overall, an average episode with a +10. But thanks to Brittany channeling Beyonce, and Mercedes singing three times we are still strike free.

Have You Heard: Mayer Hawthorne

2011-10-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

This guy has such an intriguing voice. I am sold. Here are two singles, one new, one old, and a cover of one of my favorite ELO* songs.

*Don't lie. You love Electric Light Orchestra as much as I do.

Dear Lucille 2,

2011-09-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

I think we need to have a conversation about your shuffling patterns. I don't like Rent or Wesley Willis nearly as much as you want me to listen to them. I'd love it if you could mix it up a little bit. But an occasional peppering of "Stop Mulling over the Mullet" would be fine.

Thanks so much,
Molly

GleeCap: I Am Unicorn

2011-09-28T01:19:00.000-07:00

It's time for this week's GleeCap:

Greater than the potential Bravo show 'Real Housewives of Reno'
- Bieste is Artie's "own private Jim Henson." +4
- Glee finally showcased Chris Colfer's sai twirling skills. +8
- "First of all, smoking kills. Second, it really does make you look cooler, doesn't it?" +5
- Artie's reaction to Bieste saying she wants "a Tony who excites my lady parts." +10 plus his reaction to Blaine's song, +5. He is priceless.
- "And now, after a long day of snorting splenda and cutting class, she kills the pain the only way she knows how, smoking corn starch." +7
- Will getting his Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society on yelling at Quinn about accountability. +12, and then Becky saying, "that was hot." hilarious. +3
- When Puck isn't fetishizing Lauren, I like him so much. "Menthol 100s, really skank?" Hilarious! And then he learned that Napolean wasn't just a dessert. +5
- The more Burt Hummel is on Glee, the more I am convinced he is the greatest dad on TV. +7
- Idina Menzel and Lea Michele are SO GOOD. While I am unwilling to suspend my disbelief on why Ms. Menzel is at WMHS, I am totally okay with her being in musical numbers. +6
- Also, Blaine is delightful. He can and should sing in every episode. +5
+77

Less likely than someone setting up scaffolding to climb around on for an audition for a high school production of West Side Story
- Glee hires Cheyenne Jackson to be the director of that rival group, and they don't have him sing before they announce that he was fired?!? -30 please utilize your resources better.
- Mandatory booty camp is after choir practice. So, presumably choir practice is after school. When is football practice? Mike and Finn would need to be there. -13
- Idina Menzel is a part time teacher funded entirely by Al Mata? puh-lease. -20
- "I don't want to be known as Kurt Hummel: Homo" "What's wrong with that?" Brittany, you know I love you, but Kurt is multi-dimensional, (did you see him twirl those knives?) despite the fact the writers don't write him that way. No points, I'm just saying.
- I still don't believe Quinn's transformation. Writers, you are really pushing it. It's like you're out of ideas, and grasping at straws. You can do better. -12
- Blaine, who was a junior last year, said he was a junior this year. Continuity - 10 (only ten, because I like Blaine.)
-85

I was pretty bored with this episode. It kind of felt like I was watching an episode of Gossip Girl. At only a -8, I'm not going to commit to a strike, but I'm not exactly committed to that commitment.

Have You Heard: Lloyd radio edit

2011-09-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

Call me a prude, but I was so excited when I heard a radio edit of Dedication to my Ex (Miss That) today. The original is just a little too crass for me.

Truth be told, if someone were to edit a film, I'd get all soapboxy and say, if you don't want to watch it, don't, but don't edit someone's art. But movies aren't as catchy as this song. And movies generally don't drop that word 30+ times in a three minute time frame.

stats and ecstasy.

2011-09-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered the "stats" tab on the blogger dashboard. Oh, it is my favorite thing now to see how google is bringing people to find this humble little blog. But, what is alarming is the google keyword searches that have lead to pageviews.

The top five all time:
5: blogging molly
4: yo gabba gabba be nice to everyone
3: blue valentine eagle
2: paul rudd barefoot
1: what it feels like to be on molly

So, number five makes sense. Number four is a super funny song from what I like to call the hipsters' caffeinated Sesame Street. Number three kind of surprised me, I'm not going to lie. But, number two? How many people are googling the phrase "Paul Rudd barefoot"? And, why is that leading them to me? Now that I've typed it, and posted it here, ok, but there are no posts about Paul Rudd being barefoot on my blog. I like Paul Rudd fine, but I don't want to even think about his feet. And now we come to phrase number one. If I didn't know that molly was a drug, I would feel scandalized! Then I'd realize they must be talking about Molly Sims or something. But I do know that Molly is a drug. It is confused with and some say it is the purest form of ecstasy, but it's apparently different. I don't know.

I was so shocked that this was the number one phrase bringing strangers to my blog from google that I brought it up in our presidency meeting this morning. At which it was decided that I should change the name of my blog to "The Purest form of Ecstasy." While that is not going to happen, at least not today, I do think it is super funny.

That being said, to all of the druggies/inquiring minds reading my blog. I say, "hugs, not drugs" and "Get high off of life!" and "I'm not a chicken, you're a turkey." But I should also encourage you, along with Michael Jordan and Mars Blackmon to stay in school!

And if you do decide to do drugs, don't do meth. I've been watching Breaking Bad, and boy howdy, that is some rough stuff.

The End of Summer*

2011-09-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

*I almost wrote "The End of Sumer." I feel that would have been an entirely different kind of post.

I don't have a favorite season, because I really like all of them so much, how can you choose? But if I did, Summer might eek out ahead, based solely on produce. Now that autumn is here, I am definitely going to miss going out to the yard and finding some of my favorite tasty plants.

Also, summer totally wins in terms of backyard cookouts and bonfires. This year, because I'm off wheat for a little while again, I had to get a little creative with the s'mores.

Who needs Graham Crackers anyway?

Gleecap: Purple Piano Project

2011-09-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

Glee and I are on thin ice. But I decided that we had such fun for a whole season, I should give it another shot - but we are in a three strikes scenario. That being said, this third season opened with guns blazing. The witticisms and improbabilities were flying, so let's get down to business.

Better than Blaine Anderson's polo shirts and bow ties:
- Let's just get this out of the way up front. I love Blaine. He is so cute. His red pants, his polos, his cover of "It's not Unusual." What a welcome addition to New Directions, despite the fact that he is dating the whiny bully, Kurt. +25
- Jacob Ben Israel is so obnoxious, but he called Finn a "mediocre quarterback and a mediocre glee club lead" how accurate. +3 Then he asked Brittany what her plans were for the future, allowing her to respond, "wait, are you making a time machine too?" +5
- Tina is out of her weird goth clothes and wearing color, and she looks great. +2
- Lauren is gone! I am so excited about that! +12, and Puck saying "She's the one who got away... really, really slowly." Hilarious. +3
- "Me and My Hag" brochure from Emma. Glee always has the best brochures. +9
- In the polling, Sue is in 9th place "behind undecided, the rapist running from prison and I don't care please don't call during dinner." +6
-"People who call themselves artists think the rules don't apply to them - it's so arrogant." says the geometry teacher. +5 even though I am sure the irony of this statement was lost on the people who make this show.
- Courtney from season four of SYTYCD is a skank. That is delightful. +2
- Speaking of, "who doesn't love the GoGo's?" "I prefer the Bangles." +3
- Brittany twirls in the food fight +6
- Sugar Mata has "self-diagnosed Asperger's" +3 (I remember this girl from the short-lived drama American Dreams, and I seem to remember her singing on that show, so I don't buy this tone-deafness.)
+84

Lamer than glitterbombs:
- The narration isn't consistent enough within all of the episodes. Choose whether you are going to do it or not. -10
- Finn got slushied by a guy who had a mullet circa Billy Ray Cyrus. It was OOC. He should be shaved bald, not put on television. -8 He also said, "taste the rainbow, glee-otch" which is weird. -2
- Will Schuester - don't be a perv. You're a teacher. -3
- Will and Emma make each others' lunches? Sounds about right, but it's also more than a little lame. No points, I'm just saying.
- April Rhodes' musical won a Tony? How delusional are these writers? NO! -12
- Rachel and Finn's kiss last year, was it really that big of a deal? It was ridiculous last season, and it is even more ridiculous now with their claim of 20,000 hits on YouTube. -17
- Purple Pianos? Where do I start. They've been repossessed, and they aren't going to try to re-sell them? And I don't believe Will has the skill-set to refinish pianos. - 6
- Emma's Kent State reference was in really poor taste. -10
- Will saying, "I need job security." Are you not a Spanish teacher, primarily? -9
- The band is just camped out in the cafeteria near the purple piano? Do they not go to class? -25
- Anyone who tries out gets in to New Directions? What's the point of auditioning? -3
- I will ask again, until they make it clear, is Glee a club or a class? Why do you switch back and forth? Continuity is important. If I were writing a show, I would make these decisions and then post them around the writers room. You know what, coulda woulda shoulda - who wants to write a pilot with me? -20
- Rachel asked, "what's the purple piano doing here?" Never mind the 8 piece band waiting on the stage. And what was that song? Ugh. TERRIBLE. -10 (Great dress though.)
- A glitterbomb? Are you kidding me? MAN UP, Schuester! And you're really going to put that on YouTube? -14
- Quinn's cigarette is what lit the piano on fire. What did the Cheerios have planned, or is Q still in on the scheme? -6
- F- to the costumers for Harmony's dress. It's cute, but so ill-fitting and unflattering. -4
- Kurt and Rachel's pity party, I feel like I should tell them they are on one of the most popular shows on TV. But the rain in that scene was so terrible fake, I can't forgive it. -6
- "These pianos are still making music and so are we." I think I just threw up a little bit there. -14
-179

So, even though on the according to Molly reality scale, this episode came in at a -95, it was enjoyable. Maybe because I love the song, "You Can't Stop the Beat." We're strike-free thus far.

Have You Heard: College

2011-09-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

I was able to go see Drive this weekend, starring my celebrity crush Ryan Gosling, and it was interesting, that's for sure. It reminded me of a John Hughes film crossbred with The Godfather. I wouldn't recommend it for the faint of heart. I got made fun of for covering my eyes and turning my head, more than once. (More than once covering my eyes; more than once made fun of.) Anyway, The director Nicholas Winding Refn's use of music was deliberate and thoughtful, very Hughesian*. (His use of Christina Hendrix, not so much, in that she is woefully underused.) I really liked a few of the songs - I mean, really liked. Particularly, "A Real Hero" By College featuring Electric Youth**

And "Nightcall" by Kavinsky

*Another very Hughesian choice was the pink cursive script that is on the movie poster, and spoiler alert all of the credits.

**I guess I'm not the only Debbie Gibson fan*** left. But that perfume smelled so, so terrible.

***Fan's probably not an appropriate word in that it is far too strong, but every once in a while I do like a little "Shake Your Love."

Can you blame me? It is a lyrical masterpiece. She must say, "Shake Your Love" 40 times. If it ain't broke, I suppose. And why write more lyrics than you have to?

Eats, Shoots and Leaves

2011-09-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

I am far from a perfect punctuater - I over comma like nobody's business. (I also make up words like "punctuater", but that is not what we're talking about right now.) But I understand the difference between a possessive and a plural and it drives me absolutely crazy when people completely reject the notion of apostrophes, or much more commonly throw it in whenever an S comes to live at the end of a word.

Today I was at Winco, a grocery store that is pretty sketchy, but also highly entertaining. I end up taking pictures of funny things I see there more than anywhere else. One time there was a box of dog food called "Moist and Meaty" with the phrase "That's what she said" handwritten on it. I promptly took a picture and sent it to everyone I know. One time there was a crate of bath mats that were essentially rag rugs made out of jersey knit, and the tag said, "Luxury Bath Rugs." That was so preposterous, I snapped up a picture. But today, there were multiple endcaps near the registers that have new (at least to my notice) signs up.

What is this sign saying, really Winco? Are you selling children as well as candy? It should go without saying that that's not legal or moral. Are you trying to say, "Kids! There's candy over here!! Come throw a tantrum until your parents buy it for you." Are you saying that this candy can only be purchased and ingested by children? Maybe old people like skittles too. If you were to add proper punctuation, I would know. But for now, I will just assume that is where you meet the sketched out guy who will sell you children on the black market. Along with some bubbletape, of course.

But Comcast, how do you really feel?

2011-09-16T10:02:00.000-07:00

I love Turner Classic Movies. I watched about five minutes of Looking for Love before I decided I had better things to do. But also thought I should put it on my list of movies to watch for the clothes.

I had to take a picture of the merciless description of the movie.

Pauli want a Starbucks?

2011-09-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

A while back I went to Starbucks. I placed my order, and when asked what my name was, I responded, "Molly" - you know, because that is my name - and the baristo (that is what I call male baristas,) said "Holly?", and I said, "Molly" trying to really emphasis the M. A few moments later, I received my order in this cup:

I should have taken a cue from Shara. She simplifies things by saying her name is Sarah. Right before Shara moved away, we went to Sonic for some Cherry Limeades, and she said her name was Sarah, and the person on the other side of the intercom came back with, "Hannah?*" and Shara said, "Sure." Shara rolls with the punches, and I tried to impose my will on a barista and I am met with a cup meant for a member of the Jersey Shore cast.

Hi my name is Holly, and I'd like a beverage please.

*When just I asked Shara if Hannah was the right name, she said she didn't think it was that close to her actual name, but she couldn't remember. It could have been some crazy different name like Valerie.

Have you Heard: Larry Norman

2011-09-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I feel like a heathen because I don't like enough religious music. I'm a religious person, I am a musical person, it should then follow that I would like religious music. Shoot. A + B ≠ C in this case.

I like some hymns. I like some gospel. I like a lot of Handel. And I like Larry Norman.

Jenny I got your number.

2011-09-10T03:55:00.001-07:00

Greatest. Stamp. Ever.

Looking forward to what the future brings.

2011-09-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the opportunity of seeing a gaggle of friends from high school I haven't seen in about a decade. It was super fun to play a game of catch-up. (We literally made a game of it, each person was given a minute to sum up their life since high school, followed by a two minute period for questions. There was a timer involved.) Unfortunately for me, it was decided that I peeked on my 27th birthday. (It was also decided that my blog's url was pronounced molester, not Mollister.) Things are not looking up for Molly! haha.

On that note. One of the girls was talking about how she is being flirted with by a co-worker, and how an email from him ended with a completely-unrelated-to-the-subject-at-hand send off, "I'm looking forward to what the future brings." I do not think it is super hilarious that this sweet girl has to deal with an awkward situation, but I do think it is super hilarious that that was his chosen send off.

It is my goal to be an optimist. Or perhaps to be more vocally optimistic. And as I don't want the high point of my life to have been over and done with, I am going to start signing all of my emails to everyone, "Looking forward to what the future brings," because I am.

Have You Heard: The Elected, et al

2011-09-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

My Labor day was spent laboring. I hung some moulding, primed and then painted the laundry room, and whilst doing that, I listened to my phone. I congratulated myself on my excellent musical taste, and thought I needed to make a mini playlist for you, my friends, instead of just sharing one or two tracks.

Juror number 299

2011-08-31T13:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you nun reading John Grisham

and Borba energy mice for helping get through jury duty today.

I was going to use today to finish Emma for book club tonight, but I only got 12 pages in when they called my number. Now I'm all pins and needles to see if I'll be chosen.

"Ist die Post offen, Otto?" "Nein, sie ist am Sonntag geschlossen."*

2011-08-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

I went to the Post Office forty five minutes after the last scheduled pick up time, but fifteen minutes before the store part closed to mail my Netflix tonight. I asked the man at the counter if it was too late to get it out this evening, and he said, "that depends, which movie is it?" with a sinister smile. I answered, "Breaking Bad season 1." And he said, "It'll go out. But let me know when you get to season 3." I said I would. I wonder if postal employees ever do sneak a little peek inside those red envelopes. I wouldn't be surprised.

*When I was in high school German that was one of our dialogues that we would have to say to practice that crazy German intonation. It translates to, "Is the Post Office open, Otto?" "No, it's closed on Sunday." Some of those dialogues were serious fun:

"Fritz, warum bist du so traurig?" Fritz, why are you so sad?
"Richard ist krank." Richard is sick.

and

"Was tust du?" What are you doing?
"Ich übe Geige." I'm practicing the violin.
"Bist du müde?" Are you tired?
"Ja." Yes.

and my all time favorite

"Ute, wo ist der Hut?" Ute, where is the hat?
"In der Stube." In the lounge.

I'm blowing your mind right now, am I right? I know, the German students from AHS were prepared for all sorts of conversation topics auf Deutsch.

Have You Heard: Christina Perri

2011-08-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

I am someone who's musical moods are constantly in flux. For the past few years I haven't really been feeling the singer/songwriter melancholic* tunes that I previously enjoyed so much, and that is still the case, but I do really like the new Christina Perri song that is everywhere these days, "Arms."

The first time I heard it on the radio, I thought, "wow that song sounds familiar" -- especially the melody on the line "I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling." I have since decided that it sounds like a Dolly Parton song. Not in a George Harrison "My Sweet Lord"/The Chiffons "He's So Fine" kind of way, but in a more "Anatomy of a Murder" is the best Hitchcockian movie Hitch never made. So, even though I can't figure out which of Dolly's songs this sounds like it sounds like something she would write. Not only that, the ornamentation on the vocals is very reminiscent of Dolly. So it makes sense that I like this song, because I like Dolly so.

Would you be a dear and make the neurological connection that I can't, and then please let me know?

*Maybe I shouldn't call this song melancholic, after all there are an orchestra and bells** utilized. But it certainly screams singer/songwriter.

**Dolly Parton over-produces some of her songs too. I submit as evidence:

YouTube.

2011-08-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

Remember when I told you about my pretentious old co-worker who was too cool for TV, but had found the time to watch a ton of youtube videos? Well, I thought of her today when I became obsessed with the video of 36 Paranoid Android covers stitched together.

How clever is that?

I am hoping that it will replace the songified Nascar prayer as the song that is perpetually stuck in my head.

I'm hopeful, but not optimistic. Those kids sure write catchy little ditties. Boggity, boggity, boggity, AMEN!

But, on the plus side, no matter how many times I watch either of these videos, my total video count is WAY below that crazy's.

Contrary to popular belief...

2011-08-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was transferring all of my books in to crates for a brief limbo period, and rediscovered this little gem.

Back at BYU, my favorite and my best Jen and I would frequently do homework together, even though I don't think we ever took a class together. (We have always had a co-dependent thing going on- even now that she and I are on opposite sides of the country.) While I was studying for Camille Fronk's New Testament class, she was doing reading for a student development class and this quote was in the text:

I'm not sure why Mr. Ellis decided that that statement should be in a book called "Becoming a Master Student." but I'm glad he did. So funny.

Oh man oh man

2011-08-12T00:16:00.001-07:00

This little beauty cracks me up! These sisters remind me of Michael Cera dressing up as a girl to sneak out of Sheeni's house in the grossly underrated Youth in Revolt.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

2011-08-08T23:19:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this movie? I've watched it a couple of times, and was reminded of it tonight by someone who holds the world record in Super Mario Bros. 2. (I'm serious.) I like this movie. I like most documentaries, because they can be perfect encapsulations of humanity. At first glance, it seems it is just a movie about a bunch of nerds who lack the skills to allocate time appropriately. It definitely is. But, it's also the story of perpetual underdog and Donkey Kong fanatic Steve Wiebe, who sacrifices a lot to become vindicated in his ~~passion~~ obsession by defeating the egotistical, evil ~~mastermind~~ d-bag Billy Mitchell all while keeping Billy's henchmen at bay.

Steve Wiebe reminds me of Odysseus, a totally flawed hero on a journey, a journey that takes far too much time and is wrought with missteps and an almost complete disregard of his family. Ok, so I am over simplifying both stories, but when Steve's daughter is questioning him about why the Guinness Book of World Records is so important and she says, "some people sort of ruin their lives to be in it," that's pretty telling. I'm sure Steve is a much better parent than dead-beat dad Odysseus. (Can you tell how much I hated the Odyssey?) We like Steve. He's a good guy, and we root for him.

Billy Mitchell is potentially the most exasperatingly obnoxious person to be filmed, ever, I can think of some others but they are all fictional so Billy wins. (That actually doesn't seem like winning.) We know he is evil not because he is arrogant, not because he is always wearing a tacky patriotic tie - which are both true - but we know he is the bad guy because he has a weak chin, terrible hair and a wife who is way more attractive than he is. Then the editors make sure we know he is antagonist by intercutting Billy saying things, and then the filmmakers asking his wife questions to which her answers completely contradict Billy's claims, and by playing Leonard Cohen songs with phrases like, "everybody knows the dice are loaded...everybody knows the good guys lost/everybody knows the fight was fixed." While Billy is probably the smarmiest of individuals, I am always curious about what kind of footage was edited out. Maybe Billy is misunderstood. Maybe he's a great humanitarian and not the cowardly cheat he's painted as. I doubt it, but it's always a possibility.

My favorite aspect of this film is the character arch of the supporting player, Walter Day who runs the website with all of the scores, blah blah blah. At first I thought of Walter as the personification of power - even in its slightest form - corrupting. He also has been corrupted by his allegiance and proximity to evil in Billy Mitchell. It's like he's the mayor of Nerdsville and he has been accepting bribes in the form of used greenbacks in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room since the early 80s. His alliances have become detrimental to his judgment and psyche. After he gets to know Steve Wiebe, our non-caped-crusader, and watches him play Donkey Kong for a few hours, he realizes (probably from doing some transcendental meditation) maybe his initial prejudices were errant and then tries to correct his maltreatment of a nice guy. And really, isn't this what we should all be striving for? Correcting our wrongs, having weaknesses become strengths.

The King Of Kong is absolutely an inspiration. We see people achieving their goals after years of depression induced obsessive practice. We see the corrupt become just. We see the smarmy continue on in exactly the same manner. Well, I heard somewhere that two out of three isn't bad.

Recommended for you:

2011-08-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

Oh, Amazon, you know me so well.

Does it make me a horrible person if...

2011-08-04T22:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, a few of us were skipping Sunday School and hanging out in the library - our favorite place to be as it allows us to make the copies we need, and not be in the hall - when the idea of a graduate course of study in evil came up. I don't remember who said it initially, but I thought it would be amazingly fun/funny to get a doctorate in evil. I thought I could really shine.

I bring this up because I need to tell you about my last two days hanging out with my 8 year old and 4 year old friends. Yesterday, they were trying to kill me. Literally. They thought it was hilarious to try to smother me with pillows and blankets. (To be fair, I started it. I was chasing them around pretending to be a zombie. So they were trying to rid the world of a member of the un-dead community. Really, they should be commended.) I tolerated their behavior, but only because I could out-power them if need be. Today, not wanting a repeat of yesterday, as soon as they started trying to chase me around, I started a game of hide and seek. Except I don't think they knew that that is what we were playing. I was hiding in really good hiding places, if I do say so myself, and they were running around trying to find me. So, after a while, they found me and I backed myself into a closet. They decided to barricade the door to keep me trapped - which I easily broke through because the chairs had nice felt pads on the feet, and the floor was wooden. Then I ran into the office across the hall, and pretended to be trapped inside there. They were building up their barricade once again, but these kiddos did not realize that I was in a room with in-swinging doors that I could open. So, I did. Here's where my diabolical nature comes in. I told them that since the doors swung in, they needed to find some sort of rope or string and tie the doorknobs to the banister across the way, to prevent me from just opening the door. They ran all over the house looking for such a thing, and I just sat, waiting in the office. When they returned, they had that stretchy plastic string stuff that they tried to make us make braided key chains out of every year at girls' camp. They started shutting me in the room, and I offered some helpful pointers, put this there, use this sort of knot, blah blah blah, then I said, "oh, let me help you, and I stepped outside of the office and before he knew it, the 8 year old was inside of the office and I had him trapped inside. I of course didn't make him stay in there for very long - a few seconds really - but it sure was funny. He was so surprised when we were on the wrong sides of the French doors.

I think the biggest disservice I did today was to all of the future suckers who start out just trying to have fun, pretending as a zombie, and then end up locked in a room, while the stretchy plastic string of many a key fob past stands between them and freedom.

Precocious Children and Pastafarians

2011-08-03T01:12:00.000-07:00

1. I have no room to talk about precocious children - having been so mightily precocious myself - but I need to tell you this. I am doing a favor for a family I know and spending some time with an 8 year old and a 4 year old. The other day, on our way to the zoo, the 4 year old said, "I'm not trying to judge you, but I think you should have a tv in your car. I mean, it's fine that you don't, but my mommy has a tv in her car and I think you should have one too." I said, "Well [four year old], I don't actually want a tv in my car. And, there usually aren't people in the back seat who would watch a tv if I had one." She countered, "But I'm back here and I'd watch it." The drive to the zoo takes about 12 minutes. Later that day, her mom told me that they had lost the remote to the DVD player about three weeks after they got the car, and have been forced to watch Curious George on repeat for over a year. Something tells me that the monkey cannot be that curious anymore.
Then today, after a while of drawing and coloring together, this little girl announced that she was bored of coloring and was going to go play with her My Little Ponies in another room. I asked if she wanted to play with me, and she said, "No thank you, you wouldn't like the rules I made up." Oh...ok. I'll just be here if you need me, kid.

2. Remember when I took that internet quiz that told me I was actually 100% Mormon, much to my surprise? Well, I finally got around to listening to the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from a few weeks ago, and they talked about an Austrian who was able to get his driver's license photo taken with a colander on his head because he subscribed to "pastafarianism." I immediately thought, "I like pasta, I could be that religion!" After doing some research, it seems like I should probably stick it out with Mormonism. But how amazing* would it be to have a pasta strainer on your head in your license photo? I'm pretty sure I'd show that bad boy to every person I met.

*And by amazing, I mean hilarious.

Have You Heard: Broken Bells

2011-08-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

It was one of those serendipitous happenings. One of my oft passed over songs off a great album from about a year ago came on shuffle while I was driving in the summer sun with the windows down, and it hit me that this needed to be added to my list of perfect driving songs. The song, "The Ghost Inside" by Broken Bells. (Grooveshark is lying. James Mercer is singing, but it is not The Shins.) The rest of my perfect driving songs are also included for your listening pleasure.

Dove Vivi - Where you live

2011-07-31T23:57:00.000-07:00

A few summers ago, my friend Natalie and I embarked on a pizza tour of Portland while she and her husband were living here. We'd meet up every week and go somewhere new - yelp suggestions mostly - and went all over town in search of the perfect slice. And find the perfect slice we did*!

The restaurant is Dove Vivi on NE 28th & Glisan, and with its cornmeal crust and delightful concoctions of toppings, it was our hands down favorite stop. I think it is safe to say that every time Natalie and her little family come up North to visit her in-laws we have reunited for a meal at Dove Vivi, (except for that one time we went to The Cheesecake Factory, yuck - why do people like this place? Besides the cheesecake, they have nothing going for them,) and one of our little reunions occurred last Monday night. We got a half pepperoni & mushroom/half corn pizza. The corn is my favorite - corn, caramelized onions, and chives. My cousin says that the corn pizza is like crack, and I don't think she is wrong. It is such a great pizza, that even though I go to that neighborhood a lot, I am not allowed to go there without Natalie. I try not to even drive down Glisan, lest my car and I go in to auto-pilot and oops, I've accidentally ordered a par baked pizza to go. (This has never happened, but I'm very sure it is capable of happening, so I prefer to be safe rather than sorry.)

I think I am mostly dreaming/drooling over Dove Vivi because my naturopath and I have decided that dairy and I should not hang out for awhile** - which is cool, I think dairy is super weird anyway ... weird and delicious - and my last supper of sorts was my friend date with my delightful friend over an amazing pizza. If you're ever in the neighborhood and want the best pizza, do stop in to Dove Vivi, just don't tell me about it, lest I become spitefully jealous of you.

*Pizza Schmizza's rustic pie pizza came in second.
**Natalie's husband Michael ordered Dove Vivi's vegan cashew pizza on our first outing there. I'm sure that is a viable alternative, but knowing how great the non-vegan is, I'm not sure I could even begin to enjoy it.

Have you Heard: The Civil Wars

2011-07-26T23:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Shara called me and said, "Have you heard of The Civil Wars? Have you heard their cover of Billie Jean?"

Game changer.

I love inter-genre covers. I feel like that is the easiest way to ensure a successful cover: take a popular (and awesome) song, and then completely change the tempo and styling, and you'll have a winner. (See examples below.)

Happy Birthday, Rachie Poo!

2011-07-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

So my dear friend Rachel's birthday is today, and she's been having a very fun countdown over on the FBook to usher in the occasion. (She is THE reason I've been getting on the FBook everyday for the past month, by the way) She's been posting a picture of herself from every year of her life along with a quippy comment about how silly she looked at age 8 etc. (Except her age 8 photo, aka mini Judith Light, brings me more joy than I've ever found on the interweb before.) (I really like parentheses.) A few days of this countdown have inspired several funny quips from not only Rachel, but her friends too, and I am going to miss this sense of community and fun we've all had this month.

My favorites were age 16 --

Rachel: 14 days left. Sweet 16 - that was a memorable year! My family was so focused on my sister's wedding that they all forgot my birthday. Then my grandparents showed up with a strange foreign exchange student and I gave a loser my panties at a party. It all worked out in the end, though. The guy of my dreams showed up after the wedding to celebrate my birthday with cake and a special birthday kiss.
Jasmine: Same thing happened at my sweet 16!! Minus the sister getting married...
[Then several people I don't know made comments like "that sounds like a movie" or "Jake Ryan!"]
Me: I often confuse your sixteenth birthday for the time I went to the prom on my own- in a superbly ugly pink dress I made from two less ugly pink dresses- after a rich kid asked and then jilted me and I got into a fight with my best bud, Jon Cryer. But it all worked out, and the rich kid and I kissed in the parking lot.
Cecily: Wasn't that the year you went on vacation in the Catskills and fell in love with that hunky dancer? Or was that someone else?
Rachel: Yes, Cecily, that was the same year! Man, I had the time of my life...
Me: I've always known that you shouldn't be put in to a corner. Now I know why. So, you still up for stealing your dad's Ferrari and doing a lip-sync in a parade tonight?
Rachel: Of course! Although I might ride a lawn mower instead and wear my mom's white leather outfit. You know, the one with all the fringe that cost $1,000 that I didn't have so I pretended that the neighbor boy was my boyfriend so he would give me the money to replace it? That one.
Annette: I am up for that as long as it isn't Saturday because I unfortunately have detention in the library that day. Not looking forward to the other losers that might be there. I would never be friends with them. But maybe I will bring sushi for lunch. Hm?
Rachel: I hate detention. It makes me angry, like that one time I was an outcast but got asked to prom by this cute guy and we were crowned prom king & queen but that was just a ploy to get me on stage so they could pour pigs blood all over me, but I showed them, I burnt the whole place down, went home and killed my mom and then myself. That was a bad day.
Me: I was crowned prom queen too, not in high school, but when I went back to high school as an undercover reporter. That was when I met the love of my life, and first real kiss, a man who could channel Gordie Howe on the ice as a kid.

So fun! 20 points to the first person who can name all of our references.

-- and 21.

Rachel: 9 days - we are down to single digits people! So, this is my actual 21st birthday and I was at BYU-Idaho (note the cinder block walls). I'm pretty sure that summer I was asked more than once if I needed help finding my EFY group...
Cecily: So what are we doing to celebrate this epic birthday of yours? HM??? Explosives? Underwater deep sea diving? Underwater deep sea diving with explosives?
Rachel: Ok Cecily, you are officially on the party planning committee!!!
Me: Oh if I had a dollar for how many times I got confused for an efy goer- I'd have several dollars. And Cecily sounds like the greatest event planner I've ever heard of! One request: can we have Rachel jump through a flaming ring over a shark's tank to light the fuse for the explosives? I've seen it done on the tv, and it looks super fun! Plus she could get another use out of that rhinestone covered polyester jumpsuit she bought herself for Christmas during her "old Elvis" phase.
Rachel's mom: I'm sure I've seen a better picture of you on your 21st. I'm remembering a glittering tiara and purple boa...
Rachel: Mom - the picture you are referring to is not for public viewing. Molly - I've ALWAYS wanted to jump the shark!
Me: I have always lived by the mantra: if it's good enough for the Fonz, it's good enough for me! This explains my propensity for denim, leather and Scott Baio. (I DO want Charles in Charge of me.) As your friend I feel the need to share my Truth with you.

I still love the idea of someone going through an "Old Elvis" phase - especially Rachel who is the least likely exhibitionist I've ever met.

Happy Birthday, my friend. Now what are you going to do to keep me on FBook?

Outnumbered and the art of writing sitcoms

2011-07-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

Remember back in 2003, when I was running around telling everyone I met, "there's this new show called Arrested Development and it's the greatest thing ever." (Truth be told, almost 8 years after watching it for the first time, I still talk about it relentlessly.) I submit for your approval a show from BBC1 called, "Outnumbered." I will champion as loudly and obnoxiously for this show as I did for Arrested, because it is hilarious and so well written and acted.

I have grown pretty tired of the classic sitcom formula of "setup setup [sarcastic jab]/punchline" which is utilized by so many comedy shows. I love shows like Arrested, Modern Family, and now Outnumbered because they are restructuring the sitcom. But the latter is different from both of the former because it is written so subtly. Modern and Arrested are very obviously (and skillfully) written. Anytime I can say the phrase "hijinks ensue" I feel like it is pretty contrived - I'm talking to you Mitch and Claire stuck in your old backyard treehouse. If I were a writer on either of these shows, I would show off too. (I really am not trying to take anything away from either of these exceptional television shows. I love them.) But Outnumbered has such a realistic portrayal of children, and such an obvious understanding of speech patterns that the dialog is expertly written. I think it is the greatest thing I've seen in quite some time. The writing and the acting combine to make it amazingly realistic.

The premise is two parents, Pete and Sue, hardworking and good people doing the best they can, have three precocious albeit unruly children: Jake, Ben and Karen. I could never choose favorites between Ben and Karen, because they are both amazingly funny, and the best child actors I have ever seen. (If Jodie Foster had been younger in Taxi Driver, then maybe we could talk about her. But Olsen Twins, Jonathan from Who's the Boss, or that Raven Symone someone, puh-lease.) But here are two clips with Karen, a few episodes apart, as she discusses her religion.

And here's a scene when Pete and Sue decide to have a Sunday free of television and full of family bonding time.

It's not available on region 1 dvd, so don't think it is the Outnumbered that is on Netflix, but it is worth scouting out if you can. My PBS station is airing it right now, and if you want to come over to my house to watch some episodes off of the DVR, please feel free. But the sad news is, Fox is planning on adapting it on this side of the pond, and we all know how well that works out. (Office, you jumped the shark years ago, please, let it die. You're past the days when Richie was the only cast member missing, now it's like the super terrible spin off Joanie Loves Chachi.Seriously, how did you think that show would work?)

Letters from Yesterday

2011-07-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

My journal takes many forms. Yesterday, I wrote a series of letters, and since I won't cut them out and mail them, I thought I should post them here so their recipients might actually read them.

Dear Analee,
~~One of~~ my favorite things about you is that you are crazy fun and will do anything! Even when that means you go over to the unknown guy with the quasi-pompadour and ask him if I can touch his hair - the opposite of what I was hoping you would do. (If I thought there were ANY hope, I would have done it myself.) And then when you two come back it is excessively awkward. I'm not saying I don't want you as a wing man, but let's just save that for men I'm actually interested in, and not just the ones whose hair I want to touch.
Much love,
Molly

Dear Nathan*,
That was your name, right? I can't remember. That sure was awkward, wasn't it? Maybe next time, we can both be as charming as we actually are - or at least I am.
The girl who liked your hair.

Dear Sister [shall remain nameless on this blog],
Thanks for mentioning that men were visual and that we all need to lose weight, shower everyday and wear more makeup. Thanks for also telling us that we need to simultaneously lower our standards and not settle. Those are all things I'm sure none of the 300 single twenty something women had considered before. And thanks for really reemphasizing that marriage is the end all be all of our existence and the happy ending we're all waiting for. That is exactly the mindset we're trying to propagate.
Sorry for being sarcastic. Maybe that should be on your list for next time?
A passive aggressive member of the congregation.

Dear girl who said that there's a Stripling Warrior in Heaven for those of us who don't get married,
I feel like you need to re-read that story. None of them died, so presumably they all got married and had families. Just saying.
A stranger who was judging you.

Men in short-sleeved white buttondowns

2011-07-17T15:06:00.001-07:00

I may or may not be writing this from Sunday School at our regional YSA conference. (I think it is a given that I'm going to Hell, so I feel like I should just be honest with you.)
I have seen a higher number of men wearing short-sleeved white button down shirts this weekend than I have ever in my life. I would just like to encourage all men who are not on missions in tropical places or Homer Simpson to get rid of these unflattering things. It is infinitely more attractive to roll up long sleeves than to wear a short-sleeved shirt. I'm just trying to help.
Molly
Sent from my iPhone

Dear July,

2011-07-13T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you know you haven't ever held a special place in my heart as far as months go, but I feel like we need to have a little conversation. In the past I haven't liked you very much because you've been sweltering hot - but I feel you're over compensating now. (Just because you're not my favorite month doesn't mean everyone else doesn't love you!) A high of 72 today and it was cloudy, breezy and rainy? That's not you. Are you feeling ok? Are you depressed? WebMD has a depression quiz online. I'm not saying medication is right for everybody, but this whole rainy and cloudy business in the middle of you is just not normal, and it really has got to stop. Some of us have things to do outside. Not the least of which is frolic about like Hot Hot Heat.

Mostly, I want you to get back to your old self, and I'd love for Portland to see the sun for longer than two days at a time. We get so much rain, that we depend upon you July for vitamin D to carry us through the rest of the year. Please, get help July. We need you back to your old self, pronto.

Best regards,
Molly

Progress thy name is moulding.

2011-07-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever talked to someone about what you are doing with your life, and just knew they were judging and pitying you and your choices? This happened to me twice today. It reminded me of when I would tell people that I was a film major, and then they'd inevitably ask, "what are you going to do with a degree in film?" And I'd respond full of vinegar and bitterness, "A whole lot more than you'd do with it!" (That is absolutely what I was thinking every time, but I don't think I ever actually said it. Although with my lack of niceness and tact, I'm kind of surprised I never did.) (Also, I'm pretty sure I was the only person who ever read the NYT article on media literacy and film majors. Certainly all of the people who haven't hired me haven't read it. Perhaps I should put it on the back of my résumé?)

The two conversations today were each with super nice acquaintances, playing a game of catch-up, who I think were just doubting what I am doing with my life - not unlike myself. But because I'm needy and require validation, I will share here what I have been up to for the past couple of days. (And for my dear friends who claim I don't share enough of my projects on here, here you go: proof that I am productive.)

A few weeks ago, Shara and Adam helped me cut up a ton of MDF (4 sheets actually) with my dad's table saw - we took a few sheets of 1/8th inch MDF and cut strip after strip to a few different widths. How many strips? LOTS! Then using a router, I made some more baseboards. I spent about 9 hours hanging the mouldings, (my nail gun and I went through about 1,000 finish nails. um. wow.) and then another day and a half priming and painting.

It all needs another coat of paint, and then a potentially-super-awesome-and-colorful treatment for the wall above the moulding. And I need to paint out the window frames and doors also, but progress has been made. While I may not know what I'm doing with my life, I do know what I'm doing with the next couple of days.

Have You Heard: Pigeon John

2011-07-05T02:58:00.000-07:00

The summer has been in full swing for the past two days, finally, around Ptown. And whenever summer happens, I love songs with a driving beat. If they happen to embody sex, drugs and rock and roll, all the better.

Found: My Precious Child*

2011-07-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to my naturopath last Friday, when I saw this sign on the side of the road. Thinking it was the most awkward thing ever, after my appointment, I walked over to take the picture.

Yikes, right? On the way back, this sign appeared. Taken within the context of the first picture, I'm kind of worried about what's going on on this block.

*I realize that the name of this post and the photo don't match - I didn't want to get any mean spirited emails from the people I am making fun of.

Bake Something: Orange Carrot Cake Cupcakes

2011-07-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

I have long been a lover of the combination of orange and carrot. How it took me so long to combine the two flavors in to a baked good, I'll NEVER know. I recently had ten pounds of carrots in the fridge, and when I wasn't going through them as quickly as I should, and there was a finger food party on the agenda, I decided that carrot cake cupcakes it was. But why not add in orange? They were so delightful and well-received that later that week when our Relief Society Presidency went out to meet some new sisters, I decided to make them again to deliver. I've been asked for the recipe several times, and since I made it up, I thought I'd better share. Here it is.

Orange Carrot Cake Cupcakes:
For the cakes:

2 cups granulated sugar
1 1/3 cups vegetable oil
3 extra-large eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
2 cups raisins, soaked
1 pound carrots, grated
Zest of one large orange
Juice of one large orange
1 teaspoon orange flavor

For the frosting:

1/2 pound cream cheese, at room temperature
1/4 pound unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 pound confectioners' sugar, sifted
1 teaspoon orange flavor

First, before anything else, start soaking the raisins, (you can do this hours before hand, to really make them plump up.) then resume your mise en place and preheating your oven to 350 F. Sift together all of the dry ingredients into a bowl. In a separate bowl, whip oil, eggs and sugar together, then add vanilla. Slowly incorporate dry ingredients. Last, toss in the grated carrots, and using an ice cream scoop, fill muffin tins. Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. When they are completely cooled, spread or pipe the frosting that you whipped together - whipping it for 5-8 minutes, or until it is lighter and fluffier than any you've seen before. Cream cheese and butter make for an artery clogging experience, so if you incorporate more air, it is less terrible for you, right?

Elephants.

2011-07-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

I received this little card in the mail yesterday from my favorite and my best Ashley. She just got back from a globetrotting excursion all over Asia. When I saw this card, I initially thought that Ashley must have had a run in with some elephants, kind of like Analee and I had in South Africa last year. (Did I forget to tell you all about that? Well, we made it out alive, and that was a feat.) When I opened the card, I read and discovered the reason for the elephants on the front of the card. Her life was not jeopardized by elephants this time, thank goodness. In that she and her card made me giggle insensibly, I thought I should share what a clever, clever girl she is.

Her message read:

My dearest Molly,
It is for you, my dear friend, that I bestow this wondrous gift. Why is it so wonderful you ask? It's just recycled paper you say. But AU CONTRAIRE!! It is made from elephant dung. That is right. I am writing to you on recycled poop. Now some people may dedicate their lives to engineering new cures for cancer or other life threatening diseases. But THANK HEAVENS for the good people of Thailand who have discovered this incredible feat! Without it, I wouldn't be able to express my sheer fondness of you. Fondness that can only be expressed...scatologically.
Love, Shlee

I love this girl!

Wait, I'm Sorry. What? What is this?

2011-06-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

I could not turn away from the four minutes of train wreck that is James Franco's new music video, made with a drag queen friend of his. I am so very confused by this. I think maybe homeboy should remove a few hyphens from his job title if this is the kind of stuff he's going to be pumping out.

This video makes every other bad music video I ever berated seem like the most logical and engrossing videos ever committed to film. Especially:

(Except, I still stand by this as awesome.)

James, friend, just because the technology is so accessible does not mean you need to utilize it.

A brief shout out to LaMatt

2011-06-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have played several games of Words with Friends with my buddy LaMatt (not his real name, but it is a real nickname inspired by our mutual friend LaMarcus Aldridge). I usually let him lose, sometimes not giving him a shot in the dark, because I'm a mean person. (this is not news.) At the start of our most recent game, he said, "I don't know why I keep playing you." To which I snottily responded, "You're a masochist. I'm a sadist. It's a symbiotic relationship. I jest. You keep playing me because you've gotten close to wining more than once, and can't wait to wallop me on the virtual board."

After this, maybe he was inspired, and I was just not having my A-game, but he soundly beat me. And by soundly, I mean, a good 50 points. I don't think it was either of our best games, our board was set up very precariously, and we had to make awkward and short moves that didn't lend themselves well to follow-up play, but he won.

Have You Heard: Cut Copy & Ellie Goulding

2011-06-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

You know how so many girls have that boyfriend who comes in and shapes their musical taste to a far superior situation than Tiffany, Donny Osmond or the Monkees*?** The closest thing I've come to that is my old friend Manasseh insisting that I didn't listen to enough Bob Dylan. Now, every time I hear "You're going to make me lonesome when you go" I think of him. Not because he made me lonesome when he left, but because he was obsessed with it, and rightly so. (He also introduced me to only person named "Snake" I've ever met.) I bring this up because I've had to mostly fend for myself as far as music goes, and by fend for myself I clearly mean depending on ~~the kindness of strangers~~ suggestions from friends, musicians and a pretty hip uncle. But I've been super lazy with finding new music recently. If it's not Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" I probably don't know it. For the past few years, as so many of you who get mixes from me can attest, I've been going back in time (sadly, not literally,) to find music I love. Instead of being on the forefront like I tried so hard to be in my college years, now if my iPod had a scent it would smell like all of my vintage clothes.

The good news is, I've started to notice myself trending toward newer songs again, which is good news for someone who is in fact far too young to have been alive for any of the things I am nostalgic for. (1954-1962, I'm talking to you.)

One of these friends a couple of years ago gave me a copy of Cut Copy's In Ghost Colours. I liked how 80s and dancey it was. (I never said I was discerning. I love Depeche Mode, The Cure and Adam Ant. LOVE.) Thanks to accidentally clicking the wrong thing on my iTunes, I discovered that Cut Copy had an album out earlier this year, and I have flipped my lid for the track, "Take Me Over." flipped.

And, because I also love good house/techno business... I was reading this month's Vanity Fair, and it told me to check out Ellie Goulding, so I did. I don't like it all, but "Lights" is one of the greatest tracks I've heard in a while.

*Two of those three I have on my iPod. I'll give you a hint. I saw the one that isn't on my iPod at the Costco gas station in Provo one time, and I thought, "How do I know him? Was he one of my professors?" It took a couple of minutes of awkward staring at the person at the pump in front of me, and someone else to go up to him and shake his hand for me to realize who he was.

**Holly, if you're reading this, I'm only sort of talking about you. ;)

Found: Avoid the Clap, Jimmy Dugan.

2011-06-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I had the opportunity to go to my mom's school and help her clean out her classroom, as she retired at the end of this year. (YEA, MOM!) I was mostly given the chore of hauling things to donate to SCRAP or DI out to the car, but I was able to offer some help "sorting" files into the recycling bin. I came across this little leaflet on STDs from the early 80s that I felt was so funny.

My favorite part? "Coming in April: Sex and the Handicapped." Not that that it is funny, it's just the biggest print on the page. And my head read it as an overly-enthusiastic radio announcer. Although, maybe I should temper that and try to read it as though they are presenting it as, "this week on a very special episode of 'Blossom'."

But my curiosity is piqued. I really want to know what that leaflet for high school sex ed students in the early 80s would have read like.

I listened to Lucille II* all day today.

2011-06-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I neglect the majority of my 18,000 songs on my iPod by just listening to playlists. Ok, most times. So, I will occasionally just put my iPod on shuffle and give myself the instruction that I'm not allowed to skip a track (with the exception of spoken word, holiday or novelty songs). Today I made it through 280 of my songs, and was reminded of several songs I really like but have let fall out of rotation for one reason or another. The ones I really missed, at the risk of outing myself as a complete and utter dork (hello Ani, XTC, and Tom Lehrer), are as follows:

*Why yes, my iPod is named Lucille II.

weirdo masks and transgendered mannequins.

2011-06-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

I have checked Fashionista on a daily basis for years. They are generally super witty and delightful, but today's post about Rachel Comey's lookbook for this year's resort season totally made my day. They shared 20 images that are all crazier than the last. From purses made out of muppets to models staring longingly into a bowling ball or holding a severed prosthetic hand, to ruining a perfectly good polka dot dress with a matching polka dot kidnapping sack to put over your head, it is just straight up crazy.
But what REALLY got me was the masks that were featured in two of the shots.

They at first reminded me of those Richard Nixon masks everyone* uses in bank robberies. (How many felonies can I rattle off in this blog post?) Then, the eye makeup and hair reminded me of Jem - as in and the Holograms. I think what then came to mind is the most accurate of correlations. (Thank you brain for forming neurological connections and then firing to help me remember such a delightful image.) Remember when I was in Zambia last year and found the transgendered mannequin? No? Let me refresh your memory.

Now, I'm not sure what his situation in life was, but clearly that beard is drawn on, just like that sunflower beard in kooky old Rachel Comey's lookbook. Does he remind anyone else of Ricky from "My So-Called Life?"

*Clearly I'm prone to hyperbole. Not "everyone" robs banks.

Vegan Chocolate Ice Creams

2011-06-19T23:12:00.000-07:00

I am not a vegan. I'm not even a vegetarian. But I do believe that there are many reasons to generally avoid animal products a good deal of the time - for me religion, the ecologic impact and trying to avoid animal cruelty are good enough reasons to find alternatives. Plus, while I love ice cream and cheese - dairy products are just weird. I don't like to think about it too much. But let me climb down from this soapbox and share with you two recipes for vegan chocolate frozen goodness.

I made the first one for our Relief Society's Ice Cream Social last week. I literally just googled "vegan chocolate ice cream" and found a vegan rocky road that I altered. But instead of tasting ice creamy - it tasted like a sorbetto (the more intense and flavorful version of a sorbet. home girl knows her ice creams.) and it was super chocolatey.

Vegan Chocolate Sorbetto
3 cups coconut milk
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 T arrowroot
1 t vanilla extract
1 t chocolate extract

Combine 1/4 cup coconut milk with arrowroot powder in a small bowl and set aside. Put remaining 2 3/4 cup of the coconut milk in a saucepan with sugar and chocolate chips over medium heat, stirring enough to not burn the chocolate. Have the mixture just come to the boiling point, then remove from heat. Immediately add arrowroot mixture and vanilla and chocolate extracts. Stir until well incorporated. Then chill completely and put it in your ice cream maker.

Then last night, I was hanging out with my good buddy Birgitte and she made almond milk chocolate ice cream that was SO, SO, SO tasty. I thought about going back over today to steal some more. She was good enough to email me her recipe.

Chocolate Almond Milk Ice Cream

2 c almond milk-- chocolate is best

3/4 C sugar

1/3 cup cocoa powder

1/2 tsp vanilla

1/4 tsp xanthum gum

Combine 1 cup milk, sugar and cacao in a saucepan over medium heat. Whisk to get the cocoa and sugar to dissolve. Bring to a slow boil. Remove form heat and sit for one minute. Mix in the rest of the milk and vanilla extract. Pour into blender, add xanthum gum into blender. Mix for 1 minute. (Here's where Birgitte was so much smarter than me. To cool it off, she poured the mixture into a shallow pan and put it in the freezer for a few minutes. Worked like a charm.) Pour into ice cream maker.

Two totally different textures and depths of flavor, two totally delightful ice cream substitutes.

I'll believe it when I see it, cookie.

2011-06-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

The F-book.

2011-06-13T21:59:00.000-07:00

I got on Facebook for the first time in a VERY long time last week. I went to remind my friend Joanna to start a group on Facebook that she'd mentioned a few times. I thought "why not remind her in a place where she can do something about it". I proceeded to chide her, completely inappropriately, and then I remembered that I never shared that amazing quote from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with Mandi that I meant to. I posted: Well, if my cathedral of cutting-edge taste holds no interest for your tragically Canadian sensibilities, then I shall be forced to grant you a swift exit from the premises... and a fast entrance into hell! to her wall. (P.S. in what kind of perfect hipster universe are Jason Schwartzman and Mikey Cera fighting over a girl? In Scott Pilgrim, that's where.) Then, I saw that my friend Jen sent my old friend Kristen a message about Kristen's moving to the East coast. This led to me going to a bunch of friends' pages and wrote messages - basically did a little fbook stalking, and wasted away the hours until I could fall asleep.

What has been amazing is in the days since my little venture on to Facebook, so many of my friends have made comments about how I was "all over Facebook" the other day, and how surprised they were to see that. I don't think I'll get on the good old fbook again for awhile, but I remember now why it was so much fun back in the day.

Found: #1 Food 4 Mart

2011-06-06T02:46:00.001-07:00

While driving to work the other day, I drove by the #1 Food 4 Mart. I'm not really sure what it means, but I'm glad to see that not only can that neighborhood boast of a discount gun store so close by, but they also have the #1 something! They really lucked out there.

The DAR and Me.

2011-05-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've never wanted to be part of the DAR, it's not a goal I had, or presumably ever will have. When I turned 18, my grandmother suggested that I sign up and pay the annual dues, so that by the time I was her age and interested in it, I'd have my 50 year pin. When I didn't take her up on that idea, I think she was very disappointed.
In high school, my trio and I were invited to many of the functions to sing patriotic songs, or swing era songs. It was a gig, we got a few dollars, so we did it.
A couple of weeks ago, the DAR had a memorial evening to celebrate the lives of the members who had passed away the previous year. My father and I were invited to sing at it, since we had sung at my grandmother's funeral a few weeks prior. I was the first of my family to arrive, with piano in tow. I went to check in with them, and they said, "great, you can set the piano up over there, and we'll just need your $20 for dinner."
Um...what??
I said that I wouldn't eat dinner and refused to pay. My aunt, who was accompanying us, said later, "I'm sure it's like a wedding and they already paid for x amount of dinners, so we'll just pay for you." My dad also said he would pay. I wouldn't let them. And I didn't eat. It's not the $20, it's the fact that we were invited to perform, and were in no way going to be attending without said invitation, and then I was expected to pay $20 for a two-star hotel's dinner. Homey don't play that.
You'd think the pretense of the organization would also include a knowledge of Emily Post and decorum, but alas, I suppose not.

GleeCap Season Finale - only not really

2011-05-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

My computer is sort of crapping out, and I'm tired, so I'll come back tomorrow about 1pm after work and do the complete Gleecap for reals, but aside from Kurt's hair and Brittney's outfit, it's not looking good.

Also, can we talk about how awesome Pinterest is? Color me obsessed.

GleeCap: Prom Queen

2011-05-11T01:31:00.000-07:00

Oh Glee. I'm not very sure about you right now, but here's the recap for this week anyway:

~~More realistic than Mercedes' speech about her desires for the perfect prom.~~ (Scratch that...nothing is more realistic than that.)
-Sue Sylvester giving Will a thing of 'I Can't believe it's not butter' for his "head merkin." OH SNAP! +20
-Kurt's silk paratrooper jumpsuit. +15
-"Devil in a red dress" and then "Go with God, Satan...Santana." ZING! +5
-Santana saying that Altamont "went off without a hitch." Oh yikes. But 100% what a sassy and ignorant teenager would say. +12
-Puck's phrase, "lovable but dangerous miscreant" and then utilizing the play on words "ass-istant bad ass." +7.
-"Teen gay, you may now proceed to the next check point without fear of violence." +3
-Probably the most believable musical performance thus far in the show's history would have to be Artie's much needed grand romantic gesture, "Isn't She Lovely." They utilized instruments and voices we saw on the screen. What a novel concept! And, during it, Mercedes commented on how it was about a baby, not a lover. +65
-Royal Wedding + Alexander McQueen = Gay Braveheart +10
- Quinn's wallpaper was super cute. I'm kind of jealous. +7
-"Torah Torah Torah! It's go time" as Puck's call to action. Hilarious. I want to use that in my daily life. +13
-"Worst P.O.W. ever. John McCain is rolling over in his grave right now." This is the Sue we all know and love. +5
-Rachel's dress is so, so adorable. I wish she would have put a little petticoat underneath it. And if she got that for $5 at goodwill, I've got to go to that goodwill!! +7
-Brittany's dress is also SO, SO adorable. She had the contrasting petticoat underneath her skirt, and it was amazing. Brittany's the best. +10
-Artie's red tux is so stinking cute. What a charmer. +15
-Speaking of cute, Blain, especially when he sings enthusiastically. +5
-"Just because I hate everybody doesn't mean they have to hate me too." +10

+209

~~Less realistic than the AV club painting scenery and singing backup.~~ (Scratch that...nothing is less realistic than that.)
-Since when is everyone a junior? That's poor planning, and not at all realistic. But also, it lacks continuity. Last year when Rachel was a sophomore, Finn was a junior. Did Finn get retained, and they forgot to mention it? Continuity.-50
-Everyone is campaigning for prom king and queen? Is that how every high school but mine works? I won't take away points, just in case this actually happens...but I have my serious doubts.
-Jacob is the most obnoxious and nerdy person at WMHS, how is he not getting slushied? He's all up in everyone's business all the time. I want to throw a slurpee in his face right this minute, and yet choir kids who mind their own business, and get uproarious applause at assemblies when they perform Ke$ha or Salt-n-Pepa get slushied very frequently? I don't buy it. -12
-Principle Figgins is the person who is picking the band for the prom? Is this not the job for the leadership class? -7
-Principle Figgins paying Air Supply $400 to play at a prom, I don't buy it. And then going straight to the glee club instead of, I don't know, A DJ? I really don't buy that. -20
-Lauren is looking for a prom dress at Anne Taylor Loft, Filene's Basement, and Forever 21. Does Forever 21 have a plus size collectiong? No wonder homegirl couldn't find a dress. -4
-Kurt calling Blain, "Blain Warbler" That is cheesy and confusing. -6
-Sam: My birthday was last week. Rachel: It was? F- writers. Rachel was with Finn when they took him back his guitar that they got out of hawk. Continuity. -25
-Sam's hair is looking more and more like a Hanson or James Van Der Beek circa Dawson's Creek, and it is not attractive. Break out those shears, and snip snip. No points, I'm just saying.
-Kurt is like Joan and Melissa Rivers? Is Tina a 45 year old woman? Who cares about Joan and Melissa Rivers? If anything we should be talking about Joan in the context of E!'s Fashion Police, that's a little bit more like something Tina would know about. -7
-Rachel and Jesse RUINED Rolling in the Deep. Ruined. -10
-Jesse's back because he flunked out of college and wants to start a consulting business for show choirs? That smells fishier than the Discovery Channel. And Rachel believes it? Oh, Rachel. Yikes. -9
-Jesse's forehead wrinkles...Another petty comment, sure, but we're supposed to believe that this man is a college freshman. No way. -5
-Karofsky is in calculus as a junior? Impressive, and not quite realistic that an oafish jock who is ignorant in so many ways would be ahead of the vast majority of high schoolers. I would have believed pre-calc, but not calc as a junior. -18
-"The really good thing about being in glee club is you get to know your way around a cummerbund." When have they worn tuxedos? They've worn suits at least once, their "Stop in the name of Love" number for Biest comes to mind, but I cannot recall a single instance of tuxedos. But, maybe Finn was trying to just make small talk with Q's mom, so only a -2.
-Quinn's prom dress and hair. Ick. And then Rachel's and Tina's hair was exactly the same, with those wispy curly things. Ick 2.0. You have professional hairstylists on staff. -4
-Not only do I not believe that Figgins would ask the glee club to sing at prom, but I don't believe that in a school where these kids are made fun of so consistently would the crowd be so in to their performances. Then again, Friday is SUPER catchy. -15
-Sue Sylvester threatening dental torture - you're pushing it writers. -3
-Sue Sylvester saying "You'll be one Mohawk short at nationals." Since Kurt is back, they have 13 kids now, so if Sue is thinking this will disqualify them from nationals, then she's wrong, but maybe she just wants Puck out of the picture? Either way, I'm confused. -2
-"Beat it, MJ." That sounds like ~~the worst possible~~ a bad catchphrase, or T-shirt slogan. Jesse, you can do better, even if you are going toe to toe with the less than clever Finn, you can do better. You are diabolical, we can see it in your eyes. When we hear you say lame things like that, we lose faith in you. -15
-Karofsky won prom king?!? WTeff? Again, I'm not entirely sure what the high school experience is like for everyone else in this country, but we all voted for nice kids to win king and queen. No one who walks down the hall bullying choir kids and threatening death to the token gay kid. -50
-Kurt Hummel as prom queen?!? WTeff squared! Figgins said, an "over-whelming amount of write-in votes" No way is there more than a small group of those kids mean enough to do that. And, again, where are the leadership kids who are counting the ballots. Speaking as a former leadership kid, we threw out all of the boys for queen, not to mention the cartoon characters/politicians/bodily function candidate votes. -75 (And I'm pretty sure Queens don't get scepters, and big ugly king crowns. Minus another 12.)
-Kurt's "support" of Karofsky turned to peer pressure really fast, which I feel parallels the agenda of the show. Back off a little bit. Especially with Santana. She's more interesting and funny as a bitchy slut than a lesbian anyway. -9
-Karofsky and Jesse both said euphemisms for swear words, which is really out of character. It is more obvious than not including them at all. Just saying...

-310

With the prom king and queen decisions being so outrageous, this week's episode is solidly in the unrealistic/you guys should really think about this stuff before you produce it realm.
Do you disagree with me??

Have You Heard: Ke$ha

2011-05-03T23:44:00.000-07:00

I have a cousin* who is constantly telling me about hot new music I should check out. YEARS AGO she told me to check out Ke$ha. And I did. From her first album I liked her little poppy, catchy singles, but not much else. But then Cannibal happened, and while I still mainly like the singles, I totally love the token sentimental girl ballad called "The Harold Song." Check it out. It's pretty good, and I think it does her justice as she's been a cultural icon for weeks now.

Just for kicks, from Animal the song "Stephen" is crazy funny. Homegirl is psychotic in that video!!

*She also told me about Little Jackie years ago, and years ago I listened to her on that one. Little Jackie is so delightful!

2011-05-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

I found these leather bean bag poufs at an estate sale recently, and I have to say that I love them. They aren't really poufs, but they serve the same functions and purposes, and they are pretty adorable to boot.

GleeCap: Born This Way

2011-04-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Good morning, Glee fans! It's time for another recap of the show that is burning the candle at both ends.

Just as awesome as Kurt resembling Rufus Wainwright more and more as the seasons progress:

- As soon as Rachel got hit in the nose, I thought of Marsha Brady, "Oh my nose!" It's been done before, but it's a classic.+3
- Kurt's hair combed back = awesome. +5, and that watch fob + another 5
- "I've got to gay, I mean go." +4
- The mash-up of I feel Pretty and Unpretty was a really solid choice. It is so refreshing to hear them being creative with arrangements, and utilizing harmony. Even though it is pretty cheesy, I'm going to go with a +15.
- Even though I think the Lauren/Puck relationship is the weirdest thing ever, at least Puck didn't fetishize her in this episode, a very welcome change. +25
- Puck is getting some great reactions these days. The dry heaving at the sight of Karofsky and Santana being each others' beards. +3
- At first I thought the union of Karofsky and Santana would be a really bad move, but then they brought in the Guardian Angels reference with the red berets and red vinyl jackets, and while I don't believe for a second that their characters would have any idea who the Guardian Angels were, I'm going to have to go with a big +33 for sheer hilarity for the Bully-Whips.
-Kurt's calling Santana a "Latina Eve Harrington," you are so delightful, Mr. Hummel. +4
-Kurt referenced PFLAG, and all I could do was think about Reality Bites, when Steve Zahn and Janeane Garofalo were role playing Sammy telling his mom he was gay, and Vickie saying, "puh-flag, I like the sound of that." No points, just a nostalgic little journey.
- And I really liked Lauren and Puck being all Saved By The Bell and breaking in to the school records. "My permanent record has three volumes? I don't remember doing half of this stuff." +5
- Brittany is my favorite. "Why because you're Lebanese and I think I'm bi-curious?" +15
-"I have to stay away from vigorous choreography while my nose heals." Well, there goes her social life. +12
- At first, I thought a lack of Sue Sylvester was a bad thing, but thinking about how in recent episodes I've felt like they were really reaching with her, I'm glad they made Santana the zinger of the week. +20
-Santana zingers: "Legend has it, when I came out of my mother, I told the nurse she was fat." "Be more careful with your leering." and "I'm not ready to start eating jicama or get a flat top...maybe in Jr. College. + 76

+230

More unlikely than another school's choir showing up the middle of the day, and being accompanied by musicians who just happen to be outside with their instruments:

- Last season, Rachel said something to Quinn like, "I completely understand if you want to beat me up, just try to avoid my nose." Why is she now all of a sudden insecure and ready for surgery at the drop of a line by Dr. D-bag? Continuity. -5
- Finn's dance number with Mike Chang to "I gotta be me" was confusing. Is he trying to be as bad of a dancer as he appears, or is he hamming it up to make a point? I think it is the latter. I don't know that it is worthy of any negative points, but I feel like they could have done better.
- Karofsky looks at least thirty. His age isn't on his IMDb page. What are you trying to hide, Max Adler? The fact that you graduated from high school like 12 years ago, but are still trying to pass as a teenager? -6
- I always enjoy when Kurt sings show tunes (except for that awful one from Evita they did a few months ago.) and with his Eve Harrington reference, I totally buy him as Norma Desmond, but must the production be SO LITERAL? When someone is singing about painted trees and scenery, he's on stage with said scenery, then the makeup chair? F minus on creativity. -17
- I love flash mobs, but this one made me a little angry. First, it made me think of their last flash mob with Artie dancing, and it made me think, we need to have more dream sequences of him dancing. You show Finn and Sam dancing all the time and they are AWFUL, but you have a very solid dancer in Artie and you have him in a wheel chair? If you're going to keep him in the wheelchair all of the time, you should have cast a kid who is actually in a wheelchair. And Second, if these kids are so good at getting the community to help them out and learning a dance for a "barbra-vention" (worst name ever) they certainly could have gotten people to come to their concert last week. Continuity. -45
- I'm still really conflicted about Lauren's character. She has the deluded self-image of Samantha Jones, but no career, super hot body (post fifty at that), or Birkin to show for it. Then she calls Quinn a fraud for losing weight and using Proactive (product placement, a bit much)? As if Quinn being depressed by excess weight, acne and a lack of friends is unheard of or unacceptable. -30
-Finn telling Quinn that her 8th great picture is the first picture where he can "actually see" his girlfriend? What?!? -40
- To continue on with outside cultural references. Puck is turning/has turned in to Julie Cooper. He started out villainous and is now a very funny and well-meaning guy? This makes me totally happy in that Puck is great. BUT, Fox canceled The OC after the villain went funny. And now with Karofsky? If Sue ever starts to turn the show needs to be canceled immediately. No points, but tread carefully.

-143

And now the T-shirts:
Emma gave the t-shirt assignment by stipulating that the t-shirt should read what you're "most ashamed of, and would like to change, but you can't because you were born that way, which is super terrific." "You were born this way, hooray!"

-Lebanese +13
-I'm with Stoopid [up arrow] +25
-Butt Chin -18 (any thing that makes you resemble - even a little bit - Cary Grant cannot be a bad thing.)
-Likes boys -60 (Ever since Kurt came out to Mercedes and his dad, he's been spouting how proud he was to be himself. Why would he put that on a t-shirt saying he's ashamed and would like to change it? He's embraced it.)
-I'm with Stupid [down arrow] +50
-Four eyes, Nose, Brown eyes, Can't dance, Can't Sing +20 (Artie, Rachel, Tina, Finn and Mike were the kids who actually did what was assigned.)
- No weave (Mercedes' shirt confused me. She's ashamed she wasn't born with a weave? Or she's saying this is my real hair? I don't think I understand.)
-Trouty Mouth -5 (Love the reference, but Sam is so cute sans James Van der Beek's first season of Dawson's Creek hair.)
- Lucy Caboosey -28 (she changed what she didn't like. That's not the point of the t-shirt.)
- Bad Attitude -15 (she could change that if she wanted to.)

+108/-126

So with a grand total of +69, I'd say that the episode was more enjoyable than not. 90 minutes suits you, Glee. Shoot, you were even able to squeeze in all 7 verses of that Sunset Blvd. song.

GleeCap: Night of Neglect

2011-04-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

Glee is back, and because of the overwhelmingly positive feedback to the previous Glee recap, or GleeCap, so is my snarky commentary.

As great as the mental image of Mercedes being "carried the hell in" in an egg:

- Sandy Ryerson - the actor Stephen Toblowsky played "Needlenose Ned" Ryerson in the perennial classic "Groundhog Day," I just figured this out. Way to go writers, being all sneaky with your clever - was described as a "notorious friend of Dorothy," and then described himself as a "predatory gay". +50
- The "Brainiacs" included Brittany! +12
- "Cat diseases" was a category of questions! +15
- Brittany knowing the answers to all of the cat diseases questions +30
- That Brainiac hand signal - SO GOOD! + another 50. This was really the best part of the episode.
- The "League of Doom" with, "Sergeant Handsome, Honey Badger, The Pink Dagger, and General Zod". +25 (although the General Zod reference alone is worth 20.)
- Cheyenne Jackson saying, "Let me cut to the sexy chase" +6
- Cheyenne Jackson saying, "This hairline is 85% my own." +10
- Cheyenne Jackson saying, "I'm handsome, I'm good looking, I'm easy on the eyes, also I'm gorgeous." +15
- The diva list: Aretha, Mariah, J.Lo, and Mercedes. One of these things is not like the other...and I'm not talking about Mercedes. +3
-Artie saying that Sunshine with her size she could have "stayed in the air ducts for days" with a level of earnestness that can only be compared to Will or Finn. +2
-GP 's earrings during her Adele song +3
-When GP told the heckling club that she had given Debbie Gibson Alopecia, I just about giggled my face off. But then I thought, I bet it was Debbie Gibson's perfume, Electric Youth, that made her lose all of her hair. so, it's a wash.
- Jewfro kid has a vanity plate reading, "JEWFRO" +10
- When the full orchestra showed up to back up GP, I thought, "teenagers? on glee? there's a first time for everything." +8
- Sandy Ryerson running away, holding out his coat like a cape. +18 And then laundering his drug money though the Brainiac's field trip. +1 more.
-Puck's reaction to Mercedes' singing. +5
-Sue zingers: To Sandy, "How do you manage to enter a building with out setting off all of the fire alarms." on her evening activities, "I'm usually out bow hunting for hobos." and about Holly, "She's looser than a thrift store turtleneck and probably just as diseased." +35

+298 Not too shabby.

More anti-climactic than Gwyneth Paltrow's return:

- 5,000 x .25 = 20,000 It's a good thing Mr. Schuester teaches Spanish and not math. Yikes.-10
- I cannot say I've watched too many episodes of Glee more than once, but I'm pretty sure that Sandy Ryerson, because of the sexual harassment and the pot selling isn't allowed on school property. Am I wrong? Continuity -5
- While I am totally a fan of GP dressing up like Wallis Simpson, I am confused that she is teaching about Catherine the Great the next day. What kind of class is it that she is teaching about an American socialite/hermaphrodite Nazi sympathizer one day and a Russian empress from the 18th Century the next? -10
- Sue handing out beepers to her league of doom. What is this, 1996? -5
- Cheyenne Jackson is on yet another episode and he doesn't sing? You'd better have plans to remedy this, Glee writers.-5
- A Night of Neglect - WHAT? -23
- I am not only willing to believe, but embrace, the bedazzled microphone situation at Rachel's house, but at school? And more than one? And a bedazzled mic stand? Did the set designer find a great deal on rhinestones? -18
- Mike Chang is a TERRIFIC dancer, a dancer that I really can't criticize... at all. But I will request that he NEVER dance to Jack Johnson again. -6
- Emma never slept with her husband John Stamos? PUH-LEASE! -45
- I've long suspected, but now it is being validated very regularly, that no one writing the show has ever been involved with any sort of choir. This episode's glaring proof of this comes from the complete lack of audience members. There is no way that a concert could happen and most parents wouldn't come to see it. Finn's mom and Kurt's dad (aka the best dad on TV) - they should have been there, along with Quinn's mom. Mercedes' parents should have been there, if her whole church choir can come and back her up, her parent's could have been there. (fact: I just want to see her parents.) -100
-Along the same lines, glaring proof comes in the form of concert structure. Two numbers, an intermission and then two more numbers and that's it? At least PRETEND that the rest of the glee clubbers are performing something, have them dress up. And, they wouldn't be in the choir room the whole time, you watch the show from the wings. -50
- During the rest of the show, where was the church choir? They could have taken a few of the seats. Or, perhaps they could have been warming up in the choir room. -10
- Jewfro kid had a twitter "curly hair in cairo" that helped bring down Mubarak. I'm willing to suspend disbelief, but only so far. -17
- I also don't believe that Becky, Jewfro, and football player would all leave together. -6

-310

For a grand total of -12. Ouch Glee. Better luck next time.

The Luck of the Irish.

2011-03-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago when I was doing some weeding, I found a four-leaf clover. I had the intent of pressing it in a book, but then I misplaced it. I found it again yesterday, shriveled and dry. Knowing that a four-leaf clover is considered lucky, I'm wondering that since I didn't take proper care of said clover, I am wondering if it is still lucky?

Glee Recap: Original Song

2011-03-16T01:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to the Blazer game instead of being able to watch Glee with my buddies. The game was awesome, but I feel a need to express my thoughts about this episode, and since it's after midnight on a school night and calls probably wouldn't be appreciated, I'm takin' it to the blog. NYMag style. (Fact: These past few seasons of not watching Gossip Girl have made reading the recap useless, and that makes me sad. But not sad enough to hop back on that train. I don't care how well dressed Blair is and how many Birkins Lily has.)

Just as fabulous as Brittany's floppy hat.

Songs from Mercedes & Santana!! I have been eagerly awaiting this, and even though they were original and super silly, I loved hearing their awesome voices solo once again. +5
Speaking of, a song called "Trouty Mouth" that opens with the line "Guppy face," Oh Santana, you crack me up. +2
And Mercedes rhymed Wheaties with diabetes. GENIUS! +10
Puck's song was pretty delightful as well. I especially liked the "you won't make it past age 40" part. +3
"Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Fake Boobs." followed by the soiled Brittany saying, "I don't remember putting that in there." Brittany is my absolute favorite. And her favorite song is "My Headband." Way to bring that full circle, writers! +7
Kurt singing one of the best Beatles songs ever was a major highlight, but the fact that he was actually singing Blackbird about a bird....it's a wash.
Sue Silvester was more quietly outrageous than she has been in a while. Throwing sticks at Mercedes and then punching the Lieutenant Governor's wife totally deserve points. +10
Speaking of the Lieutenant Governor's wife, "My husband is verbally abusive and I have been drinking since noon." Glee, you're so good with the one-liners. +5
Oral Intensity's name. +50
Oral Intensity's human formation of the Star of David after their Jesus song!! +10
I really liked that a stripper who needed a place to live became a nun. +3
Kurt's bedazzled bird casket was delightful, as was his saying that his mom's casket was bigger. Plus the Hamlet reference. +8

+113

Worse than trying to make Quinn's boots happen.

Awkwardness between Brittana or Santany(?) - writers, why mess with a good thing? These girls have the greatest comedic chemistry on your show, and now, what? -20
Quinn being all insecure and desperate, planning prom 2 months ahead of time so she won't lose Finn? While it may be accurate to the character of a teenage girl, it's obnoxious. -3
Blain has the worst song choices! He so would choose than awful Pink song (I know I should be more specific when it comes to awful Pink songs.) But what was that duet that Kurt and Blain did? Snoozefest! -10
Wardrobe people - cease and desist with those leggings under the performance dresses. I suppose it made a little sense the last time when Brittany was twirling and flipping everywhere, but no such maneuvers were happening this time, and yet all of those girls were wearing those hideous things. You're so good in EVERY other instance. Please, just stop. -15
Kathy Griffin, I don't want to be mean, but what is happening to your face? You were looking really good after your first round of plastic surgeries, and now, eek. -2
Directors & Camera operators: STOP CIRCLING. There are other shots. I promise. You folks use it like its going out of style. But it already has. -25
There are some things I am willing to suspend my disbelief on, but the multiple foam fingers that Kurt just happened to find in the auditorium. No. Just no! -15
Speaking of suspending disbelief, I realize you want things to be dramatic, but every time, you decide the day of, or the day before competition what songs you will sing. This is not how real choirs work. -5
Mr. Shue is totally that geek who would be all cheesy and giddy on the phone to his new girlfriend, I'll give you that. But why do you have to make up excuses that she's not there. She's a sub, she doesn't have to be at a meditation retreat to not be there. She could just be at another school. Namaste, but -10
Are you trying to drop hints that Kurt is going to transfer back to WMHS? Drama drama drama. -3
And in the preview for future shows, Terry is back and she doesn't look preggers. This kind of ruins our forecasting of things to come. I won't take any points off, but it does concern me.

-108

Overall, a fairly enjoyable episode, but I hope they don't get too comfortable with these original songs. The last thing we need is Tina singing a song about vampires and then breaking into tears.

The Danes v. The Dutch

2011-03-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

I was instructed by some friends yesterday to include more stories about people on my blog. As in, more of my anecdotes about running in to silly people, or having embarrassing interactions with people.

In pondering that, I was thinking...what should I share? It probably shouldn't be with people's real names, because that seems to get me into trouble - see Hawkeye Rachel and AD Trivia Night with lame Kyle. And, it also shouldn't be too obviously about someone with whom I am acquainted, who could potentially stumble upon it, so I'll try to shelter the guilty (or rather, mocked) unless they REALLY deserve it. (I'm talking to you, Kyle.)

I narrowed down my potential story for you to two, both relating to my new job as a sub, one in which I was a COMPLETE and TOTAL moron, and one in which everyone else in the room was. Which do you think I'm going to share??

I was sitting in a high school level classroom with two other instructors and about a dozen kids, when one of the other instructors asked what language people speak in Denmark. One of the students said, "Dutch." And so I had to hop in and say, "Actually, in Denmark, the people speak Danish." The student and the third instructor said, no it was Dutch. I'm REALLY trying not to be such a know-it-all-jerk-wad, but it was a situation where these people were just wrong, about a fact, that could be easily researched. So I suggested they look it up on Google. I said that people in The Netherlands spoke Dutch, along with French and German. Another student said that he thought the Dutch lived in Holland, and I said, "well, Holland is in The Netherlands. Holland isn't a country." After a little Googling it was proved that Danes speak Danish and Dutch speak Dutch. Shocker. Then, the first instructor asked me where The Netherlands was, she couldn't find it on the map. Sure enough, it was right where Europe had left it. That's right, you read correctly, that this was a high school class.

OK, fine, I'll tell you about how I am an idiot too, lest you think I don't know that I am. Last night I got a call to sub for someone. I listened to the times, the school, the job and name of the person, but when I showed up to that school this morning, it was pointed out to me that I failed to listen to the date of the assignment. I'll head back to that school this Thursday.